DQuinn77 Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 I'm 23 and in my first ever relationship with a fantastic girl who I may break up with soon. Things started out great. We'd known each other since high school, and when we started dating we found out we had more and more in common. I think a big moment was when we found we'd both read Jackie Chan's autobiography. She's totally into my nerdiness, being willing to watch the Ninja Turtles movies, and I love her romantic side, and through her I've been turned on to a lot of old movies I never would have tried. But over time, something was missing. She would excitedly tell me about the dreams she was having about us, whereas I wasn't having any (I remember few dreams in the first place). I realized I was having difficulty picturing her face (we only see each other on weekends). Finally, once the infatuation period was over, I wasn't even sure I was still into her. Since then, it's like I'm two different people. It seems my heart is telling me there's nothing there, while my brain is telling me this girl only proves more amazing by the day and I'd be crawling back to her within weeks. I should note that I'm drawing off experience - I've had a crush whom, when I had the chance with her, I shied away from. In the overwhelming majority of my experience with women, however, the girl has quickly lost interest in me. So, I have my own theories about what's going on, but I'd rather hear what you guys think. Based on the above, what do you think the problem is? Do I have feelings for her with some kind of catch, or am I fooling myself?
sonicranger Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 I was in a similar situation, at least the feeling that this is great girl, she's into what I'm interested in etc. I never had nor developed those infatuation, lust, love feelings. I gave it more time than I should have to "try" and develope that loving feeling. It just didn't happen for me either. I did break it off and of course, to her, it was totally out of the blue, WTF! When I was with her it was great, we had a great time, were both into sports, had fun doing dinner etc. The sex was great too, actually some of the best I've had. But in the end, "it" just wasn't there. So I broke up with her.
billy356 Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 You have discovered an important person in your life, it is just not in the role you thought. Sounds like this is all the start of a best friendship. If it is early enough in the relationship you CAN end the romantic side, wait a little while and then develop a very good friendship possibly. Unfortunately you chose to pursue a romantic relationship instead of a best friendship. Not your fault, no way to know ahead of time. But it is clear that your connection with her is very solid but also very platonic.
Ophelia Rue Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 The reason you don't feel "it" is because she's obviously mentally stable and hasn't created any drama in your relationship. Men like bitchy crazy nutjobs who are into drama and scandal. Since this girl is awesome and normal, you're not feeling "it" because she's not a psychopath. Sorry. Experience. It's how I know. Think about it for a while and maybe you'll realize that I'm right. Tsk tsk. Men. So foolish. So foolish. Keep the good thing you have. Please.
streetlamp Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 You'll break her heart, but you may be at the end of it. Feelings change; people get restless. I broke up with my first real love around that age. It was a selfish thing to do, but it had to be done.
fallendisguise Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 I believe that you have found someone who you could have a great friendship with, but probably nothing more. If you aren't feeling "it" then it would probably be best to end the romantic relationship. The longer you put that off the harder it is going to be for her to understand where you are coming from.
Author DQuinn77 Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 Thanks a lot to everyone for their input. I feel strongly, in some inexplicable way, that I'd redevelop feelings for this girl once I was out of the relationship. I feel like I wasn't having any problems until we hit the point of a stable relationship, which makes me wonder if I'm not like what Ophelia Rue is describing. And geez, when I think about what I'd be looking for after I broke up with this girl, I can't imagine not chasing someone just like her. However, a lot of what the rest of you guys are saying makes sense. Maybe we were better built to be friends, but we're approaching six months now and that's a slim possibility. But when I think about life without her, it's like not breathing... I'm just too confused right now. I'm going to give this until January, I couldn't break up with someone during the holidays anyway. Another friend has suggested that this is an intimacy/commitment issue, and I'll approach it that way for now. If nothing's changed by next year, then I guess nothing's going to change.
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