Sam Spade Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 While it's true that on average attractive people date more attractive people, in my personal observation how obsessed people are with finding physical perfection in a mate has more to do with personality than anything. I've noticed it's usually the people who are obsessed with status in general. They have internalized the superficials that society deems valuable: job, education, clothes, car, class, you name it. They are the same people who have to be the absolute best at everything and will take it as a blow to their self esteem if they don't get into the very best school, land the very best job, get the best grade in the class, etc. I knew a TON of people like this growing up in a highly competitive upper-middle class suburb. It's this entitlement complex. Usually these people are insecure and hollow at their core, as their self image is drawn from what others consider valuable rather than anything within. Instead of figuring out what they really want, they let others judge for them because they have no confidence in their own judgment. If you scratch beneath the surface you realize that they're often confused, unhappy individuals. Wisegal shadow tells it like it is. Nobody is completely immune, but certain groups, as aptly described here take it to the extreme.
Author BookerT Posted December 13, 2009 Author Posted December 13, 2009 While I see and agree with where you're coming from, you're really making my own hackles/insecurities rise, since your focus is on attractiveness level. THAT was my number one anti-criteria, where if a man was focused on looks being number one, then he was out. Your issue is being selected for your earning power. You realize that part of this is steeped in a lack of trust of your own judgement, don't you? Think about this before responding. Well, in a way I'm doing what every man does in terms of chronological order. 1) Like the girl based on looks. 2) Find out if she's interesting to talk to, fun, etc 3) Find out if she's a nice person, good personality. Looks will always be the first thing I look at. I never said the other 2 areas mattered less.
shadowplay Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 Well, in a way I'm doing what every man does in terms of chronological order. 1) Like the girl based on looks. 2) Find out if she's interesting to talk to, fun, etc 3) Find out if she's a nice person, good personality. Looks will always be the first thing I look at. I never said the other 2 areas mattered less. Be honest. You prioritize looks much higher than most men do. If you're unwilling to date anyone who isn't a 9 or 10 then you're going to have a hell of time finding someone who's well-rounded AND likes you.
Author BookerT Posted December 13, 2009 Author Posted December 13, 2009 We all have attraction requirements. All I am suggesting is to stop letting soclety and the media tell you what you should be attracted to and find someone that you love to pieces, regardless of your friends and society's seal of approval. You'll be a much happier person. TRust me I am not a headless zombie that follows what I am fed. Nor am I like what Shadowplay said. I think things through very carefully, and in part that's why I enjoy getting information and opinions on this forum. I am looking for someone I love to pieces. But at the same time I know friends who have lost attraction for their partners on the physical side, or didn't feel like having sex with their partners. Looking for physical attributes for some reason is always frowned up on. If I said my no 1 requirement is smart, or nice then no one here would say a thing. But if I say I need hot, smart and nice then all of a sudden I am: confused, unhappy, insecure. Come on. I think if you guys assume that someone is confused and unhappy as soon as they want good looks, then that by itself also shows a level of not seeing the entire picture, and a very biased personal opinion.
Author BookerT Posted December 13, 2009 Author Posted December 13, 2009 Be honest. You prioritize looks much higher than most men do. If you're unwilling to date anyone who isn't a 9 or 10 then you're going to have a hell of time finding someone who's well-rounded AND likes you. Yeah, it's like a net with 3 filters. Looks, then smart and interesting to talk to, then nice. Haven't found the right one yet. But if I'm going to spend the rest of my life with someone, what's wrong with asking for what I'm asking, for all 3? Hey I bet even Caliguy has the same criteria as me. He's like 40, been dating a lot and still single. Some people just don't want to get married unless more criteria are met. Whether that grocery list is an actually list, or comes in the form of feelings of chemistry. It's still a list.
shadowplay Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 TRust me I am not a headless zombie that follows what I am fed. Nor am I like what Shadowplay said. I think things through very carefully, and in part that's why I enjoy getting information and opinions on this forum. I am looking for someone I love to pieces. But at the same time I know friends who have lost attraction for their partners on the physical side, or didn't feel like having sex with their partners. Looking for physical attributes for some reason is always frowned up on. If I said my no 1 requirement is smart, or nice then no one here would say a thing. But if I say I need hot, smart and nice then all of a sudden I am: confused, unhappy, insecure. Come on. I think if you guys assume that someone is confused and unhappy as soon as they want good looks, then that by itself also shows a level of not seeing the entire picture, and a very biased personal opinion. Good looks is one thing, but needing to date someone who is physically perfect or near is another. I'm sure you could still be attracted to an 8 for example, especially if she had the other qualities you're looking for.
Yamaha Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 Women in the 9 to 10 range usually come with a lot of baggage. Your chance of meeting a normal women is greatly reduced if your attraction is based on the beautiful. You seem like an educated guy so I am willing to bet that after you pursue these women and date them for a time you will realize the person is the number 1 quality. I'm out...Peace......
Author BookerT Posted December 13, 2009 Author Posted December 13, 2009 Good looks is one thing, but needing to date someone who is physically perfect or near is another. I'm sure you could still be attracted to an 8 for example, especially if she had the other qualities you're looking for. Yeah I can. Sorry, should have said 8 or above. That's more realistic. Well maybe 8,5 =P
PJKino Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 I always find it interesting on here and in general that when a man says he wants a a 9 or 10 hes attacked by everyone called shallow too demanding etc A women does it people come to her aid telling her "dont settle" "you deserve the best girl" give her tips on how to avoid unnatractive men who hit on her like a post here last week.
Author BookerT Posted December 13, 2009 Author Posted December 13, 2009 I always find it interesting on here and in general that when a man says he wants a a 9 or 10 hes attacked by everyone called shallow too demanding etc A women does it people come to her aid telling her "dont settle" "you deserve the best girl" give her tips on how to avoid unnatractive men who hit on her like a post here last week. I think it's partly because many women feel threatened by the amoun of importance men put in their looks. If looks like the first thing men look at, then if you're not good looking how do you compete? However, lots of people in dating keep forgetting, it's not about what you want, but about what the other person wants. I think it was best said in the movie "The ugly truth" when he burnt all the self help books, and straight up said forget these, get on the stairmaster. It's true.
PJKino Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 I think it's partly because many women feel threatened by the amoun of importance men put in their looks. If looks like the first thing men look at, then if you're not good looking how do you compete? However, lots of people in dating keep forgetting, it's not about what you want, but about what the other person wants. I think it was best said in the movie "The ugly truth" when he burnt all the self help books, and straight up said forget these, get on the stairmaster. It's true. Looks are just as important to women regardless of what they say,they also judge mens look just as harshly as we do to them.
Els Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 I think it's partly because many women feel threatened by the amoun of importance men put in their looks. If looks like the first thing men look at, then if you're not good looking how do you compete? However, lots of people in dating keep forgetting, it's not about what you want, but about what the other person wants. I think it was best said in the movie "The ugly truth" when he burnt all the self help books, and straight up said forget these, get on the stairmaster. It's true. No, it's because you state you absolutely require a 8.5 above, and then moan about why there aren't any 'normal' girls around. You don't want a 'normal' girl, you want a girl with extraordinary good looks and reasonable everything else. There's a reason why 8.5 is 8.5 on a relative scale, and that's because approximately 85% of the female population would be below that. It'd be like a girl saying 'Are there no normal men out there?!', and then revealing that by 'normal men', she really only means men who can bring in enough income to singlehandedly support the entire household with the monthly vacation to the Bahamas included. Oh, and they must be baggage-free, considerate, sensitive, intelligent, sweet, funny, etc...
Awesome Username Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 No, it's because you state you absolutely require a 8.5 above, and then moan about why there aren't any 'normal' girls around. You don't want a 'normal' girl, you want a girl with extraordinary good looks and reasonable everything else. There's a reason why 8.5 is 8.5 on a relative scale, and that's because approximately 85% of the female population would be below that. It'd be like a girl saying 'Are there no normal men out there?!', and then revealing that by 'normal men', she really only means men who can bring in enough income to singlehandedly support the entire household with the monthly vacation to the Bahamas included. Oh, and they must be baggage-free, considerate, sensitive, intelligent, sweet, funny, etc... That is such a good point. I could post pictures plenty of women without drama problems or mental illness and you know that about fifty percent of them would make the cut on looks alone. I'm not blaming you guys, because I have high standards myself, but I'm just calling out like it is.
Author BookerT Posted December 13, 2009 Author Posted December 13, 2009 No, it's because you state you absolutely require a 8.5 above, and then moan about why there aren't any 'normal' girls around. You don't want a 'normal' girl, you want a girl with extraordinary good looks and reasonable everything else. There's a reason why 8.5 is 8.5 on a relative scale, and that's because approximately 85% of the female population would be below that. It'd be like a girl saying 'Are there no normal men out there?!', and then revealing that by 'normal men', she really only means men who can bring in enough income to singlehandedly support the entire household with the monthly vacation to the Bahamas included. Oh, and they must be baggage-free, considerate, sensitive, intelligent, sweet, funny, etc... Yes you're right. I shouldn't have used the word normal in the OP.
threebyfate Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 Women in the 9 to 10 range usually come with a lot of baggage. Your chance of meeting a normal women is greatly reduced if your attraction is based on the beautiful. You seem like an educated guy so I am willing to bet that after you pursue these women and date them for a time you will realize the person is the number 1 quality. I'm out...Peace......Whoah, that's assumptive, just like BookerT is being assumptive that after meeting a woman for a very short while, he's got her figured out as wanting his money. I doubt Booker can know the state of her personal finances, after a short stint at the bar.
Author BookerT Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 Whoah, that's assumptive, just like BookerT is being assumptive that after meeting a woman for a very short while, he's got her figured out as wanting his money. I doubt Booker can know the state of her personal finances, after a short stint at the bar. No I went out for dinner with her, then had drinks with her after and asked a lot of probing questions (in a relaxed non threatening way, so she answered). 1) She would be up for marrying a man with money = 10, looks = 2. I didn't talk about personality, but I asked her wouldn't it be better to find someone that was 7 + 7? 2) She expects all men will cheat, and is ok with that. Bit too realist in my mind, I guess that's to justify in her mind that all women want $. 3) She's 28 divorced once already. Married for 1 year. Her ex was a wall street banker, and complained he could never satisfy her. When a wall street banker complains he can't satisfy a woman, then she's got pretty high expectations. It's the answers to questions like the ones I threw out that gives an idea of what a person is like, and generates the red flags.
InspiredbyYou Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 People with options can't help being only attracted to more physically attractive individuals. People with options, don't whine about not having any good options to choose from. I'm just sayin'...
Author BookerT Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 People with options, don't whine about not having any good options to choose from. I'm just sayin'... I was just refering to physical attraction. If you're used to being physically attracted to good looking people it's hard to trade down. I was whining about the personality aspect.
meerkat stew Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 No I went out for dinner with her, then had drinks with her after and asked a lot of probing questions (in a relaxed non threatening way, so she answered). You must be really hot or rich or both for this not to put them straight to sleep.
Author BookerT Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 (edited) You must be really hot or rich or both for this not to put them straight to sleep. You don't ask probing questions in an interrogation manner. You bridge it from other conversation topics which lead to it, thus making it feel natural. Just read through this thread, or most long threads and see how a topic can naturally morph and expand. Also, you ask questions that require an opinion, an open ended question. What sane woman would tell me she's been divorced and her husband couldn't satisfy her on a first date? I had to get that out of her. Edited December 14, 2009 by BookerT
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