ClayM Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 Hey yall, I've posted a few things regarding my breakup prior to this post. Just a little background; its been almost 3 months since we parted after a six year relationship. We both have tried no contact, and we can't manage to do it. So is that saying anything? She broke it off with me as she was interested in someone else at work. I have been told to move on several times, and i have heard every popular line for this scenario, "have respect for yourself; move on, ect ect ect.." I DO NOT want to do that. I'm writing this post in attempt to reel in some hope. She has not closed the door on me, she does not want me to move, and she says she just needs time to explore other options, and that she still loves me. I love this girl like no one elses business, and i can't seem to find the courage to get on with my life without her. The key is, we will go 10 days with no communication, and at that she goes nuts and has to see me. Again, does this say anything? I have been fighting like a warrior for 3 months now and my only option left now is to "no contact" her stone cold for an entire month. When she texts or calls, will it do me an injustice to ignore her completely? Again, i could care less what this does to me personally, or how badly i could be setting myself up for level 5 heartbreak, and im ready/willing to accept any consequence that comes for not allowing myself to "move on". I do have a plan to move after a month if i yield no result, however, i WONT QUIT. My natural home is 2 hours from where we are, and where i have spent the last 6 years by her side. I plan to move there and see if the physical seperation does anything. If all that doesn't work, then ill talk about "moving on".. but i will say one thing..I think the reason why divorce rates are so high and love is so weak now days is because we have forgotten what love means as a society. I believe it is more than just a feeling you have; its a commitment and a swear between two people to work together through thick and thin no matter what. When one partner gets lost in the woods, you dont give up the search, you find a way back to them, that is if you truly love them. I wanna fight like hell to get back the best thing that has ever happened to me, so are there any suggestions? Input would be greatly appreciated.
billy356 Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 Clay, I understand how you feel. But you can't start or restart a relationship by yourself. It will take her saying that she wants to try again for you two to have another chance. And there is no action or gameplan that you can implement to make her come to that conclusion. She has to come to that decision on her own time. So you can hold out all the hope in the world, and do as much damage to yourself as you would like, but the simple fact is, if you are "there" in any way right now she will not have to come to the realization that she wants you back. You need to be completely absent in every way for her to have a chance at focusing on herself and pondering what she wants. Your current situation will not bring you what you want. You need to leave. Both physically and emotionally.
USMCHokie Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 She has not closed the door on me, she does not want me to move, and she says she just needs time to explore other options, and that she still loves me. I stopped reading there...since your answer is there...it's not about her not closing the door on you...you need to close the door on her... Six years is a long time, and I know a seemingly unbreakable bond can be created from that much time with someone...but if after six years she's suddenly needing to explore other options, you need out...no contact...none of this once a week contact from her...you'll be strung along forever until she finds this better "option"...you don't need to put your life on hold while she struggles to get her head out of *ss...
Defiant Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 (edited) I agree with both posts....excellent info as always:). Ive been down that road of the x callin and coming around every 5-10 days. You know the role I was playing? The role you will be playing if you continue down this path? You....just like me will become her support system....and when she is ready to walk on her own again....believe me she will leave you in the dust. My x was secretly dating someone else after we broke up, and she strung me along and I was thinking the whole time we were workin on gettin back together.....and all I was doin was fillin in the void between her and the guy she was dating. She admitted to dating someone else after 2 monts of goin back and fourth. Before I could do anything it was too late, she moved on. Dont go down that path, put nc into play and man up....its not easy but you will get through it. Edited December 11, 2009 by Defiant
Author ClayM Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 Wow, these are all great posts. I guess no one ever put it like that. So i guess i need to get out in order to help myself. That makes a ton of sense. And now that i think about it, she is visiting me to fill the voids for what she is not getting from the other bozo. Wow, i literally just took something from each of your posts. Thanks a ton guys. I love this board.
streetlamp Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 I have to say I agree with the other posts--she's kind of stringing you along because it benefits her, not you. This isn't fair to you, and you deserve better. PS, I think it's awesome how receptive you are to other people's thoughts. This is a wonderful quality.
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