cartierbenjamin Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 I told a person I an seeing that I really liker her. When we first met she wanted me to be a bf. I told her be patient I'm thinking about becoming that. But u are the only one im with. I was doing all the boyfriend roles. We've been seeing each other for about a year. So the other day I tell over the phone about how I feel about her and that Im ready to make that next step. She told me she doesnt want a bf anymore. She doesnt think she is ready for one. I got a little upset, but then realized that is ok if that what she wants Im happy too. I still want to be friends with her. But now she is ignoring my phone calls, texts, and emails and told me that she doesnt want to talk to me right now and she needs space. What should I do? What did I do wrong? The hard part of understanding is me telling her how I feel and then she gets upset at me
amerikajin Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 I told a person I an seeing that I really liker her. When we first met she wanted me to be a bf. I told her be patient I'm thinking about becoming that. But u are the only one im with. I was doing all the boyfriend roles. We've been seeing each other for about a year. So the other day I tell over the phone about how I feel about her and that Im ready to make that next step. She told me she doesnt want a bf anymore. She doesnt think she is ready for one. I got a little upset, but then realized that is ok if that what she wants Im happy too. I still want to be friends with her. But now she is ignoring my phone calls, texts, and emails and told me that she doesnt want to talk to me right now and she needs space. What should I do? What did I do wrong? The hard part of understanding is me telling her how I feel and then she gets upset at me I think you waited too long. She's moved on to someone else.
Yukikazi Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 What did I do wrong? The hard part of understanding is me telling her how I feel and then she gets upset at me You told her.. you should have just started escalating the friendship.. now she knows you want her so she has lost interest. You are no longer a challange. Ignore her.. You want a GF and a relationship right? Then go find it.. don't wait for this girl who has been "ready and waiting" for a year until you are ready then its done.. She is trying to get you to chase her.. call and text.. you will come off as a needy wuss. Don't call her.. don't text her.. just ignore her. She will either stop playing around or you will find someone else to occupy your time. Will you die without her? Does she hold the key to your survival? No then find someone else who is worthy of your attention. Or you could sit on your ass waiting for the possibility she could come around.. then again she may have a secret bf you don't know about.
BackUpOrGetStung Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 Find another girl that you like ASAP and wait for her to find out. If she doesn't find out or doesn't care...at least you have yourself a new girl. Tried and true strategy.
sand26 Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 People on this forum are obsessed with the idea that there is some other person in the picture, irregardless of the topic. Maybe you shouldn't jump to any unfounded paranoid conclusions like that. And even if there is, what does that have to do with you? Maybe she doesn't want a boyfriend, like she told you. Maybe she is just being honest, can you believe that? So let's assume she is being honest. Maybe she doesn't want to be in a situation with someone who wants a relationship because she doesn't want to hurt you. Maybe she just needs a little time to process this new information. Maybe when she told you earlier that she wanted a BF but you weren't interested,, maybe you didn't need any time to process that information, but she is not you... maybe she does need a bit of time or space from you to think clearly and make sure she is taking care of herself. You like her right? maybe love her? Don't you want her to do what is right and healthiest for her? Maybe you should write her an email or letter assuring her that you are fine with the status as it was. But don't stress, don't bug her, don't freak out. You still have a relationship of some kind as of now, just give her some time to process this new information. That's my advice.
DustySaltus Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 I've dealt with this before and more than likely you've probably lost her. I'm sorry but it seems like she had a timeline in her head and slowly but surely became unattached when your advances weren't made within that timeline. All you can do is tell her you apologize for making her wait and then go NC with her. Improve yourself, she now knows where you stand. But remember that you can't control her emotions. At the very least take it as a lesson learned. Communication is the key.
Yukikazi Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 All you can do is tell her you apologize for making her wait and then go NC with her. Improve yourself, she now knows where you stand. Ahh hell no... Do NOT apologize.. you did nothing wrong!!
Dark_of_the_Moon Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 I was in a situation like this once. There was a guy I was interested in, he was fun and smart and I let him know I wanted to get to know him better. Well at the time, he was interested in a different woman. He told me that and I accepted it and walked away. I am not the type to poach on another womans turf. So I moved on. 9 months later she dumped him and he decided he wanted me then. No, sorry. I had moved on. I still think he is nice and all, but the timing was wrong and I no longer felt the same way towards him. Sometimes that is all that there is, timing is wrong.
DustySaltus Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 Ahh hell no... Do NOT apologize.. you did nothing wrong!! You know what you're right, leave out the apology because what's done is done. But at the same time, he did...he waiting too long. Sometimes doing NOTHING is doing A LOT.
silic0ntoad Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 People on this forum are obsessed with the idea that there is some other person in the picture, irregardless of the topic. Maybe that's because 99% of the time, there is? Read the forums. Look at how many topics come up that eventually lead to someone else being the case. 45% of relationships are started through infidelity. You do the math. One of two of your friends that aren't single are dating someone who was either with someone when they met, ofr they were with someone themselves when they met. To be honest, just looking at the forums itself in a nutshell, almost every breakup with a girl dumping a guy ends up happening for 1 of two reasons - she found someone else. Or he cheated.
Author cartierbenjamin Posted December 10, 2009 Author Posted December 10, 2009 People on this forum are obsessed with the idea that there is some other person in the picture, irregardless of the topic. Maybe you shouldn't jump to any unfounded paranoid conclusions like that. And even if there is, what does that have to do with you? Maybe she doesn't want a boyfriend, like she told you. Maybe she is just being honest, can you believe that? So let's assume she is being honest. Maybe she doesn't want to be in a situation with someone who wants a relationship because she doesn't want to hurt you. Maybe she just needs a little time to process this new information. Maybe when she told you earlier that she wanted a BF but you weren't interested,, maybe you didn't need any time to process that information, but she is not you... maybe she does need a bit of time or space from you to think clearly and make sure she is taking care of herself. You like her right? maybe love her? Don't you want her to do what is right and healthiest for her? Maybe you should write her an email or letter assuring her that you are fine with the status as it was. But don't stress, don't bug her, don't freak out. You still have a relationship of some kind as of now, just give her some time to process this new information. That's my advice. Thanks that was very helpful
boogieboy Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 Most people hang on to the person theyre with until someone else comes along, its just f*ckin constant. Ignore her, dont send anything, let her know her decision didnt affect you. She moved on to someone else, because you waited too long. Space always means that.
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