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Is it acceptable for the MM to send W a text when you are with him?

unhappylady

By unhappylady
in The Other Man / Woman

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unhappylady Member

unhappylady

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hi guys

 

My affair is well and truly over - thank god. Anger is what has prevented me going back and I am trying to stay with the anger.

 

Random question - my XMM's wife would sometimes text him when we were together and he would text her back instantly. Do you find this acceptable as the OW?? I always used to let it go as I used to think that he had no choice but out of 'respect' to the OW's feelings should he have not turned his phone onto silent or off completely?? On our last meet I was saying I can't cope with being with someone who has a life with someone else...I was upset....the phone went off and she text him and he text her back and I just thought 'how can he do that when we are having this conversation'??!!!

 

When an OW you do lose sight of what is acceptable and what is not, you lower your standards, is the phone issue acceptable?

 

Just working through my anger and this is a little issue amongst the big ones that I am not sure I am right or wrong with.

Edited by unhappylady
Lizzie60 Established Member

Lizzie60

Posted
Posted
Hi guys

 

My affair is wel and truly over - thank god. Anger is what has prevented me going back and I am trying to stay with the anger.

 

Random question - my XMM's wife would sometimes text him when we were together and he would text her back instantly. Do you find this acceptable as the OW?? I always used to let it go as I used to think that he had no choice but out of 'respect' to the OW's feelings should he have not turned his phone onto silent or off completely?? On our last meet I was saying I can't cope with being with someone who is with someone else....I was upset....the phone went off and she text him and he text her back and I just thought 'how can I do that when we are having this conversation'??!!!

 

When an OW you do lose sight of what is acceptable and what is not, you lower your standards, is this acceptable?

 

Just working through my anger and this is a little issue amongst the big ones that I am not sure I am right or wrong with.

 

Yes I can see that happening sometimes...

 

My MM from work used to do that (when we first started).. I think he was worried that if he didn't answer, he would have gone through a questionnaire..

 

He even answered once.. He was talking to her.. (kept if short though) ... WHILE I was giving him oral.. :rolleyes:

norajane Established Member

norajane

Posted
Posted
On our last meet I was saying I can't cope with being with someone who has a life with someone else...I was upset....the phone went off and she text him and he text her back and I just thought 'how can he do that when we are having this conversation'??!!!

 

If MM having a wife is acceptable, and if keeping the affair a secret from his wife is acceptable, then communicating with her even when he's visiting you has to be acceptable. You really have no choice or risk getting caught.

 

That's what you sign up for in an affair. If it's not acceptable to you, then neither is an affair.

Lizzie60 Established Member

Lizzie60

Posted
Posted

To be honest.. I don't mind.. most of my MMs will tell me if they are expecting a phone call, either from their W or their kids.. it's OK with me.. I know they have family obligations..

 

We never know.. that phone call could be extremely important.. and it's not my 'place' to tell him NOT to answer his calls..

 

They are all respectful in that manner that they don't hold a loong conversation... they know their time with me is limited.. :laugh: anyway..

IfWishesWereHorses Established Member

IfWishesWereHorses

Posted
Posted

When you are with a friend do you get your feelings hurt when they answer a text? If HE had texted a friend would you have gotten your feeling hurt?

 

Yes, OW usually expect less, initially anyway. If you enter a relationship with someone who is married then it makes sense that you accept the role you signed up for. I understand that as an OW becomes unhappy with the initial rules that the MM has to up the ante with promises of more time or a future

 

If you apply for a job with nights and weekends and low pay do you then complain that you must work nights and weekends for little pay?

 

I think Lizzie hit the reason on the head which seems quite obvious. He was covering his behind. Looks like you made a very good decision for yourself by ending it. Clearly you don't have what it takes to play second string in a MM's life! ;p Good luck to you!

Jaspe_Loco Established Member

Jaspe_Loco

Posted
Posted

I always insist on my MW answering the phone if it's her H. Most of the time she doesn't and he calls repeatedly. Then she'll catch hell at home. It doesn't bother me at all. Personally, I never answer if it's my W. Even if my MW is not with me.

fooled once Established Member

fooled once

Posted
Posted
Hi guys

 

My affair is well and truly over - thank god. Anger is what has prevented me going back and I am trying to stay with the anger.

 

Random question - my XMM's wife would sometimes text him when we were together and he would text her back instantly. Do you find this acceptable as the OW?? I always used to let it go as I used to think that he had no choice but out of 'respect' to the OW's feelings should he have not turned his phone onto silent or off completely?? On our last meet I was saying I can't cope with being with someone who has a life with someone else...I was upset....the phone went off and she text him and he text her back and I just thought 'how can he do that when we are having this conversation'??!!!

 

When an OW you do lose sight of what is acceptable and what is not, you lower your standards, is the phone issue acceptable?

 

Just working through my anger and this is a little issue amongst the big ones that I am not sure I am right or wrong with.

 

Is it acceptable for the MM to text the OW when he is with the wife?? :o

Spoiled Established Member

Spoiled

Posted
Posted
Yes I can see that happening sometimes...

 

My MM from work used to do that (when we first started).. I think he was worried that if he didn't answer, he would have gone through a questionnaire..

He even answered once.. He was talking to her.. (kept if short though) ... WHILE I was giving him oral.. :rolleyes:

 

Same here though I hate to admit, that action cut the conversation extremely short. I never thought anything of phone use considering we were both M. We both had to text and/or call at times.

jwi71 Established Member

jwi71

Posted
Posted

My affair is well and truly over - thank god. Anger is what has prevented me going back and I am trying to stay with the anger.

 

He who angers you controls you.

 

You aren't done. You've merely traded contact(?) and intercourse for thoughts of him. Its not over for you.

 

Its over when you see him KISSING his W and don't care.

 

Sorry, not there yet. On the path? Sounds like it.

 

One step at a time...left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot...you'll get there...but try and understand the journey isn't over for you...only just begun.

bentnotbroken Established Member

bentnotbroken

Posted
Posted

I laughed so hard at this question, it made my sides hurt. If having an A is acceptable, then everything else should be acceptable. Why get pissed at a text from the person the AP is married to?

jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

Posted
Posted
I always insist on my MW answering the phone if it's her H. Most of the time she doesn't and he calls repeatedly. Then she'll catch hell at home. It doesn't bother me at all. Personally, I never answer if it's my W. Even if my MW is not with me.

 

ROTFL :lmao::lmao::lmao:

jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

Posted
Posted
Is it acceptable for the MM to text the OW when he is with the wife?? :o

 

This is kind of the key issue, is it not? The wife is not aware, but the OW is. Just goes to show how entirely different these two relationships are. One is built on honesty, the other on lies.

LucreziaBorgia Established Member

LucreziaBorgia

Posted
Posted

I guess it would be fair to say that the OW in this situation gets the truth, while the BW gets the lies but to be frank - the affair itself is a relationship that cannot survive without lies. The OW may have the truth about some things, and the BW might have the truth about some other things but I can tell you this: they both get a fair amount of lies. That is just how it is. There has to be some amount of lying going on to placate both parties.

 

The husband takes the call because the affair is only as strong as his best lie. If he doesn't take the call, he will be confronted about it later, and have to come up with yet another good lie.

ForumFool Established Member

ForumFool

Posted
Posted
:laugh::laugh::lmao::lmao::lmao: That bj must not be very good if he can text or talk
Fallen Angel Established Member

Fallen Angel

Posted
Posted

My MM texted with his W once in my presence. It was the night his granddaughter was being born. They texted back and forth several times that evening. *shrug*

 

Other than that, he makes his phone call home for the night before coming to my house, and turns off the phone before entering my door. Only his work phone stays on, and that I always expect him to answer, and he answers it in front of me.

D-Lish Established Member

D-Lish

Posted
Posted
My MM texted with his W once in my presence. It was the night his granddaughter was being born. They texted back and forth several times that evening. *shrug*

 

 

Well that sums up his integrity- the fact that he was choosing sex with his mistress over being present at the birth of his grandchild.

 

To the OP- I think when you enter into an elicit affair, you accept a contract, agreeing that you aren't the priority. If you were the priority, you would be the wife, not the secret.

Fallen Angel Established Member

Fallen Angel

Posted
Posted
Well that sums up his integrity- the fact that he was choosing sex with his mistress over being present at the birth of his grandchild.

 

To the OP- I think when you enter into an elicit affair, you accept a contract, agreeing that you aren't the priority. If you were the priority, you would be the wife, not the secret.

 

 

Really? Were you in my bed with us that night? How do you know we had sex? Could it not be possible that he chose to be with his best friend that night, while he was concerned about the health of his daughter and grand-daughter, and knew that his being at the hospital would not change the outcome. Perhaps he needed emptional support he couldn't get elsewhere. Don't presume to know what is in someone else's heart, you can only speak for what is in yours.

D-Lish Established Member

D-Lish

Posted
Posted
Really? Were you in my bed with us that night? How do you know we had sex? Could it not be possible that he chose to be with his best friend that night, while he was concerned about the health of his daughter and grand-daughter, and knew that his being at the hospital would not change the outcome. Perhaps he needed emptional support he couldn't get elsewhere. Don't presume to know what is in someone else's heart, you can only speak for what is in yours.

 

 

Yeah, you're right- he was so concerned he chose not to be there to offer support to those very people you claim he was so concerned about.

 

You should stop before you shoot yourself in the other foot.

GreenEyedLady Established Member

GreenEyedLady

Posted
Posted
When an OW you do lose sight of what is acceptable and what is not, you lower your standards, is the phone issue acceptable?

 

Oh HELL NO it's not acceptable.

 

I really don't get the "you signed up for it" drivel I read on here.

 

I sure as hell didn't sign up for it and I was the priority and whenever I felt like he wasn't rising to the occasion I broke it off.

 

I deserve to be treated well NO MATTER WHAT.

 

GEL

White Flower Established Member

White Flower

Posted
Posted
I guess it would be fair to say that the OW in this situation gets the truth, while the BW gets the lies but to be frank - the affair itself is a relationship that cannot survive without lies. The OW may have the truth about some things, and the BW might have the truth about some other things but I can tell you this: they both get a fair amount of lies. That is just how it is. There has to be some amount of lying going on to placate both parties.

 

The husband takes the call because the affair is only as strong as his best lie. If he doesn't take the call, he will be confronted about it later, and have to come up with yet another good lie.

Yes, we underestimate how much the MM lies to the OW. If he has another OW besides you, all he has to do is say his W is calling and take the call outside or in another room. If he doesn't take it in front of you, you can bet he's got another OW. Then how many lies do you think he is telling you?

White Flower Established Member

White Flower

Posted
Posted
Oh HELL NO it's not acceptable.

 

I really don't get the "you signed up for it" drivel I read on here.

 

I sure as hell didn't sign up for it and I was the priority and whenever I felt like he wasn't rising to the occasion I broke it off.

 

I deserve to be treated well NO MATTER WHAT.

 

GEL

Exactly GEL. You always have the ability to change the dynamics of the R. You don't ever have to wear last year's fashions and you don't ever have to live by last weeks standards of the A. CHANGE THEM THE WAY YOU NEED THEM TO BE. Let him know your value or make him walk.

LakesideDream Established Member

LakesideDream

Posted
Posted

I don't think I could handle that kind of disrespectful behavior... but I read here how OW/OM take crap by the bucket fulls from their AP's. :sick:

mybrowneyedgirl Established Member

mybrowneyedgirl

Posted
Posted

We always answered calls from our spouses. It never bothered me one bit. I knew she was there when the A started, why expect for that to change?

 

If anything it kept her happy, secure, comfortable with their M. Gave her no reason to question where he was or who he was with. He chatted it up, said he loved her, hung up the phone and made love to me for hours. If he didnt answer it would leave her suspicious. Answering the calls was one of the things that kept our A going...it made it possible for us to stay under the radar. I had no problem with it at all.

torranceshipman Established Member

torranceshipman

Posted
Posted
I laughed so hard at this question, it made my sides hurt. If having an A is acceptable, then everything else should be acceptable. Why get pissed at a text from the person the AP is married to?

 

I have to say, I agree with this! You were already in an A with a MM - asking questions like this one is pretty much shutting the barn door after the horse has bolted!

 

Without flaming (not my intention!) - the situation is generally unacceptable from the get go, and this is just another unacceptable, disrespectful minor detail amongst pretty much everything that the MM is going to throw at the AP during an A, and that the AP is complicit in, if they accept. So yes it is completely unacceptable-he couldn't give a s**t by the sound of it!

 

There are no boundaries here - its up to anyone in a R to set boundaries so the other person doesn't walk all over them in a very disrespectful way, A or no A. This guy was walking all over you so its a good learning experience to set some hard boundaries in future and not let anyone walk all over them...

torranceshipman Established Member

torranceshipman

Posted
Posted
Well that sums up his integrity- the fact that he was choosing sex with his mistress over being present at the birth of his grandchild.

 

To the OP- I think when you enter into an elicit affair, you accept a contract, agreeing that you aren't the priority. If you were the priority, you would be the wife, not the secret.

 

I totally agree with this too - it says something really negative about any man or woman who would choose to do this when he could have been at the hospital (again not intended to be a flame, just saying there's some basics in a persons character, related to integrity, to normal values and actions, and this guy doesn't seem to be aware of any of them - sounds very selfish, even if he was going to see a friend, not a mistress - the fact that HIS emotional needs were more important than visiting family in hospital to comfort them says a great deal about his character).

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