Whats the difference between "playing hard to get" vs "I'm using you for attention"

[boogieboy]

So when would you have "cut the cord" on this girl? The 1st time she bailed when we were supposed to meet? Or would you have given her 1 more chance, like I did, after she apologized?

 

When she bailed the bailed the 2nd time (made an excuse to not show up) and I ignored her texts, she came to see me and begged to go out. This is where I should have told her "You're a nice girl but I don't think it'll work". Or something. Am I right?

 

See the problem with me is, I know how to act at the start, but I never know how to FINISH the job.

 

Lets say I was interested in sleeping with this girl. She was obviously attracted to me somewhat, at least physically. Of that, I'm sure. When she begged me to see her, if I told her "no" at that point...when would I "give in" to her? In other words, if I wanted to slep with her, how far do I push her before giving in, to get her in bed? Basically she'd have to ask a few times? Or would she have to basically invite you to her place? Understand what I'm asking?

 

I never know how to "finish" the game. At some point in the "game" I mess up, after starting out well. Can you help?

 

You never WIN the games. Ever.

 

I would have bailed on her after the 1st blowoff. Women that were into me looked forward to the first meeting, and texted me as such. When she called back I would have said "No thanks". No need to be extra nice about it, I'll never see her again.

 

This woman was a tease, and would have never let you sleep with her, you would have never closed with her. Plus I dont know what you two said to each other before the first meeting, so I dont know if you even had a chance with her. Just because a woman is very touchy feely with you doesnt mean she will follow though, theres a lot of women out there that will use their sexuality to reel you in to make themselves feel good. This would explain her blowing you off multiple times. Did you read the thread I posted? Do you understand that sort of mind?.

[mushmush]

Why don't you wait until she turns up on a date with an engagement ring on her finger like what happened to me last sunday till you cut the cord?

 

Even then the games did not stop. "it's not official", the flirting continued and she even kissed me on the lips at the end of the date and asked me out again. That week 8 people dropped off her friends list on her facebook page and I bet another 8 people are still listening to her bull****..

 

I was stupid enough to give her one last chance.

 

 

Believe me, this girl did all the same things to me this girl is doing to you.

Brush her and kick her arse to the curb.

[Johnny M]

I'm not going to lie, I have been thinking of contacting her. See, in my mind, I'm thinking "If I show her I care by calling her, and fighting for her, she'll see what a hero I am and how much I care. And then she'll fall into my arms and love me".

 

Wrong way of thinking? Probably, right?

 

Not just wrong but completely disastrous.

[boogieboy]

Why don't you wait until she turns up on a date with an engagement ring on her finger like what happened to me last sunday till you cut the cord?

 

Even then the games did not stop. "it's not official", the flirting continued and she even kissed me on the lips at the end of the date and asked me out again. That week 8 people dropped off her friends list on her facebook page and I bet another 8 people are still listening to her bull****..

 

I was stupid enough to give her one last chance.

 

 

Believe me, this girl did all the same things to me this girl is doing to you.

Brush her and kick her arse to the curb.

 

Mush, he didnt even GET to kiss his teaser....she just led him on then dropped him...

[bbasher75]

You never WIN the games. Ever.

 

I would have bailed on her after the 1st blowoff. Women that were into me looked forward to the first meeting, and texted me as such. When she called back I would have said "No thanks". No need to be extra nice about it, I'll never see her again.

 

This woman was a tease, and would have never let you sleep with her, you would have never closed with her. Plus I dont know what you two said to each other before the first meeting, so I dont know if you even had a chance with her. Just because a woman is very touchy feely with you doesnt mean she will follow though, theres a lot of women out there that will use their sexuality to reel you in to make themselves feel good. This would explain her blowing you off multiple times. Did you read the thread I posted? Do you understand that sort of mind?.

 

Thanks so much, I have learned to cut girls like her off much quicker now, and much more ruthlessly. And you know what? It feels good. Its empowering. I feel like I stripped them of their power. I read the thread you posted. Wow, what a b@#$ that woman is. 44 too. Unreal.

 

Just to clear things up, I did actually make out with her when she invited me out "with her friends". And she actually paid for my drinks. She said to me "you look like this hot actor on TV" when we first met, and gave me her number. Then the games started. But it was still a mistake to go. But hey, I got some free alcohol right?

 

My thing is, you say you cut them off 1st blowoff. OK fine but if she comes to you and says "I am sooooo sorry please go out with me this and this time and place" would you do it? Or would you literally not want anything to do with her anymore and be turned off by her?

Edited December 11, 2009 by bbasher75

[bbasher75]

Mush, he didnt even GET to kiss his teaser....she just led him on then dropped him...

 

I already said this but yeh, I kissed her and she bought me drinks. Then she hit me with the friends crap. She's just weird, I guess. Oh well, gotta move on.

[boogieboy]

My thing is, you say you cut them off 1st blowoff. OK fine but if she comes to you and says "I am sooooo sorry please go out with me this and this time and place" would you do it? Or would you literally not want anything to do with her anymore and be turned off by her?

 

If she called up begging, then I would tell her to make the plans and pick me up. That would be the test to see if she will do it. Then I would treat the situation as if I expect her to stand me up. From that point on, I treat her as if I will never take her seriously or set up any expectations, that way I wont be disappointed. Oh she stood me up again? Im not surprised this time, I made other plans. After that, when she texts, I dont ignore her, I say "no thanks". Vocal rejection is worse than ignoring.

[bbasher75]

If she called up begging, then I would tell her to make the plans and pick me up. That would be the test to see if she will do it. Then I would treat the situation as if I expect her to stand me up. From that point on, I treat her as if I will never take her seriously or set up any expectations, that way I wont be disappointed. Oh she stood me up again? Im not surprised this time, I made other plans. After that, when she texts, I dont ignore her, I say "no thanks". Vocal rejection is worse than ignoring.

 

Very good, very good. I am learning here lol. Lets say you ran into her at the local bar 1 night and she was drunk, and all over you after you told her no thanks. What would you do? If she was grabbing at you and saying things like "hey sexy..."...now thats a good one for you to answer!

[Scarlett513]

My opinion is that when a person really likes someone else, they usually don't WANT to play hard to get. They want to spend time with that person and see how things develop.

 

I have a very good friend who I love but she is a totally attention wh0re. She acts a lot like the girl you're describing. If you've shown your interest and she's this hot and cold, I'd move on. People who need that much attention are hard to get AND impossible to please.

[boogieboy]

Very good, very good. I am learning here lol. Lets say you ran into her at the local bar 1 night and she was drunk, and all over you after you told her no thanks. What would you do? If she was grabbing at you and saying things like "hey sexy..."...now thats a good one for you to answer!

 

If I saw her, I'd be visually all over someone else. If she came up to me, I'd walk away.

[bbasher75]

If I saw her, I'd be visually all over someone else. If she came up to me, I'd walk away.

 

And if you saw her casually, on the street, and she said "hello" would you be nice and say "hi" back? Or would you not even acknowledge her?

 

And to the bar thing again...what if she said to you "Hey why are you ignoring me? I wanna f*&* your brains out. Come with me to my place right now big boy!" would you still ignore her? I'm saying if she was a 10 physically? Youd take her up on that offer, right?

[boogieboy]

And if you saw her casually, on the street, and she said "hello" would you be nice and say "hi" back? Or would you not even acknowledge her?

 

And to the bar thing again...what if she said to you "Hey why are you ignoring me? I wanna f*&* your brains out. Come with me to my place right now big boy!" would you still ignore her? I'm saying if she was a 10 physically? Youd take her up on that offer, right?

 

If I already ignored her, I wouldnt want to sleep with her after that because I already see shes a flake. So no, I wouldnt say hi on the street, and I wouldnt take her up on her offer. Gotta stand your ground. She wins if you dont. She'll just say come with me to my place just to see if youd bite, then she'd smile and laugh and walk away.

[bbasher75]

If I already ignored her, I wouldnt want to sleep with her after that because I already see shes a flake. So no, I wouldnt say hi on the street, and I wouldnt take her up on her offer. Gotta stand your ground. She wins if you dont. She'll just say come with me to my place just to see if youd bite, then she'd smile and laugh and walk away.

 

Yeh but I'm saying though, dont you think if you kept ignoring her, its possible it got to the point where she said to herself "I really do wanna f this guy"? I mean I'm not gonna lie, I still wouldnt mind banging this chick who played games with me and would do it if she offered. I just wouldnt date her. But I'd definetely use her for sex if she offered.

 

Dont most attractive girls play these games at the start? I'm just asking you because I thought the point of responding to her flaking with indifference was to "impress her" and eventually get her to see you're not a pushover, not to shove her away forever.

 

What I mean is, how are you going to bang the 9's and 10's if you eliminate them all after they flake on you the 1st date? Dont they pretty much all do that, or am I wrong here? What level of "testing" do you put up with? because all women do it, and you cant push them ALL away, can you? Or do you just say "goodbye" the instant a woman might test you to see how "manly" you are?

Edited December 11, 2009 by bbasher75

[boogieboy]

Yeh but I'm saying though, dont you think if you kept ignoring her, its possible it got to the point where she said to herself "I really do wanna f this guy"?

 

She wouldnt say this if I was ignoring her. She would say "Im going to do what I can to make sure he still wants me, just so I know I have the upper hand, and he still wants me"

Women who play these games to the extreme that yours did only chase to feel good that you will bite, that doesnt make them want to sleep with you. The guys they really want - they dont play games with - they know those guys wont put up with it.

 

Dont most attractive girls play these games at the start? I'm just asking you because I thought the point of responding to her flaking with indifference was to "impress her" and eventually get her to see you're not a pushover, not to shove her away forever.

 

The point of responding is to make it sting that Im not playing her game. Thats it, by then I gave up on her and I dont care to get involved with her.

 

The ones that really like you wont test you that badly in the beginning if they are afraid to lose you. If she already flaked, she wasnt interested enough in the first place.

 

What I mean is, how are you going to bang the 9's and 10's if you eliminate them all after they flake on you the 1st date? Dont they pretty much all do that, or am I wrong here? What level of "testing" do you put up with? because all women do it, and you cant push them ALL away, can you? Or do you just say "goodbye" the instant a woman might test you to see how "manly" you are?

 

No, all women dont do it. When they like you they make life easy.

I dont put up with any level of game playing tests on any initial dates. And flaking isnt a test, flaking is just her not being interested, thats why I bail on women who flake on a first date. Even 9's and 10's dont flake on the guys they really like. Whoever flakes on you for a first date most likely would not bang you anyway.

[bbasher75]

boogie, thanks for replying to my responses. Honestly, I feel like a tool the way I acted with this woman. In my dumb mind, I thought since she was a bit older (32 years old) she was past the "game playing" stage. But apparently, some women just don't grow up huh? I will never cut a woman so much slack again. This has really opened my eyes.

 

You wanna know the painful thing? I work with this girl and now she's actually going out with someone else in my office area. So I have to be reminded daily of what a tool I was. I dont even know how to interact with her anymore. Well, that'll teach me.

 

I just dont get how a grown woman could do this. Its so High School-ish. I guess its her issue, and not mine. But its tough to see her everyday now. Like a daily reminder of what a clown I was.

 

How do I get past this having to see her everyday? It makes it that much harder. Everytime I see her I feel used and like a piece of sh*t. I'm so angry at her but I can't show her that. I can't let her win. I don't know. She walks by me now like I don't even exist, lol. What a wench.

 

Just wanted to ask you, how do girls "know" the guys who will tolerate their games, at least on some level? Do they sniff them out? Or was this just a case of her coming saying "I'll jerk him around...not sure if he'll take it, but I dont care since I dont want him anyway"? And lets go back in time here...she blows me off the 1st time. Instead of doing what I did, I say "sorry its not going to work. Nice to meet you but I dont feel we should go out" or something like that. Would that get her "hot" for me? Or would it just get her to want to try harder to string me along?

 

What I'm saying is, you say a woman (particularly a 9 or 10) pretty much knows from the start if she'll sleep with a guy. Some guys say a 9 or a 10 will test you first before sleeping with you. You're saying thats not the case? youre saying a 9 or a 10 will make life easy for you if she wants to sleep with you? Just interested in your opinion.