slamina Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 The penny dropped yesterday...my ex broke up with me getting on 3 months now. She thought it was 'getting too serious and overwhelmed her'. I was the usual...upset, so depressed. Yesterday I had a moment of enlightenment. It turns out several months before we broke up, my ex had a few issues with a mutual friend who I work with. She claimed that the mutual friend was flirting with me even though she absolutely was not. We only did work together, small chat at the most. My ex got quite pissy with this girl but eventually it was cleared up after the girl denied everything over and over again. On the other hand...there is this guy who really likes my ex but she went out with me instead. That guy was ridiculously jealous of me, and kept seeing my ex as 'friends'. Now that we've broken up shes spent so much time with this guy, I don't know what theyve got together...and I dont want to know either. However, during our relationship, my ex texted and was in contact with this jerk alot. Not even anything transparent that I could see, always e-mails and stuff. At the time, I was uncomfortable with this and wanted to talk to her about it. But because I loved her and love is blind, I didn't because I knew she would just come up with the 'so I'm not allowed friends even' line. So I didnt ever say anything. Now we are no longer together, I am wondering do I have a right to be a little bit angry about the fact that she gets so jealous of my friends...but at the same time it seems to be OK for her to be in so much contact with someone like that guy? What do you think guys...have I indeed dodged a bullet by not being with this girl?
carhill Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 Translation: She was into the other guy and was projecting her guilt about her indiscretions onto you. IMO, you dodged a fatal bullet
nobmagnet Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 you had a flack jacket on boy..............bullet hit and didnt penatrate...........welldone xx
Kic Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 It's natural to despise those that are desperate enough to plant seeds into a girl's mind that say, "hey, when times get tough, I'm here to convince you to leave him for me." Particularly if the girl is married - much more despicable. This is what we sign up for when we decide to date a very attractive female. I tell the woman I'm with that "I won't control who your friends are, but those that have a penis and are not gay will be attracted to you and we both know this. The contact you have with him, my dear, should be professional or minimal only, otherwise I may feel disrespected. If you care about me, then me feeling disrespected should bother you enough to not cross that line." Of course you set the example, as you've done, by following your own rule (which is easier for men, as no matter how attractive you are, women won't attempt to plant seeds with you as often as men will try with the ladies).
grfins Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 From my perspective you definetely dodged a bullet. I fell for the texting thing for months and when i questioned it i got the just good friends response over and over. I was blinded by love as others saw it but i was refusing to believe she could possibly do that to me after 20 years. Its been over 3 months since dday and it could be years of healing. I dont regret the first 19 years or so but, WOW, what a shock to the system. If you are not normally suspicious and then you get just a bit of a gut feeling, check yourself because love really is blind.
McGrupp Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 whe things got rough and my mind got crazy i texted her "is there another person?" i got this reponse- "i cant say that there is" ???? how about NO
Template Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 Love is not blind my friend, love is trusting. I think on your part, you loved her to the extent that she should be loved, and she clearly couldn't reciprocate the sentiment in an equal loving way. We often project our frustrations on other people, because internally we resent these traits in ourselves. I don't think there's anything wrong with someone flirting with your significant other as we cannot control our own mates, much less the horn dogs hitting on them. It's about what our mates would do when the situation arises. If a girl flirts with you, and you've done every assurance that you aren't doing/planning on doing anything with this girl, and she still at ease; it's because she still thinks that YOU are capable of doing something, which probably means it's because being in the same situation, SHE would do something. In this particular case, I think if you, or anyone would be justified in saying, "I'm not going to control who you are friends with, but I am uncomfortable if you are friends with <etc>", and just leave it as that. If he/she respects you as a friend/lover/mate, then she will try to do what she can to make you feel comfortable.. Add to this, is the fact this guy, probably did drop hints, "I'll be here for you if you ever need me, blah blah blah". Trust me, it's an ez game to play, especially on women in a relatinoship, and vice-versa. If this guy truly respected your girl, and her relationship, he wouldn't do these kinds of things. This means only one thing: he's selfish. He only cares about him, or her, only. They see what they want, and they take it. The bounds of their depravity knows know bounds. I say you dodged a bullett in that you don't need this kind of drama in your life. And trust me, this guy and your ex got together, it's not a real relationship. He'll just screw her over, when he finds something bigger, brighter, shinier. You don't want a girl who wants that kind of guy.
Author slamina Posted December 10, 2009 Author Posted December 10, 2009 Template, I completely agree with you about the fact that I really dont need this drama in my life. I have my med school residency finals coming up so I really need to focus for them, or I'll not do as well as I want. Ive been NC about 6 weeks now. Theres a chance tonight I might see her out. Ive decided not to go. Im assuming this is the right decision? This is because I still have feelings for this girl and I may just end up saying something I regret and undo 6 weeks worth of hard work and effort. She, on the other hand, clearly doesnt intend on getting bk with me and is playing rgw classic 'I really want to be friends, but why arent you talking to me' thing. In fact she says shes quite upset with my NC. But I should continue right? She's just not worth my time? I'm tempted as hell to make up with her as friends but since I still have feelings, that proabs is a bad thing....I just loved her soo much and was stabbed in the heart with a thousand daggers when she dumped me.
Author slamina Posted December 10, 2009 Author Posted December 10, 2009 sorry the above is in no clear logical structure...im soo confused. But any thoughts would be great!! Thankyou so much.
Author slamina Posted December 10, 2009 Author Posted December 10, 2009 sorry to bump, but some advice would be really great! thanks
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