She called me.

[xerofate]

So she called me this morning. I stared at the phone, wondering if I should pick up. I wish I hadn't.

 

She appologized for doing what she did. She said she was so sorry for what she did to me. Said it was wrong of her and that she regretted it.

 

I told her that I was sorry she wasn't feeling well. That I was sorry that she was in the hospital.

 

I also told her that I was very hurt by what she did. That the reason I made it all about me the few days we were still speaking was because I was specifically told that I was not to be involved, that her new boyfriend would take care of her.

 

I told her that my therapist told me that I DID trust her, because I stuck by her side the whole time she was going around behind my back. That I had every reason to be upset, that I had every reason to focus on me, because for the past god knows how long, I had been focusing on her and her alone.

 

I told her that it was funny, because her boyfriend said he would take such good care of her. But that she was in the hospital, and she was scared, and she was alone. She said "He has to work!" and I said "You know if you were in this situation, I wouldn't leave your side, work be damned."

 

She started to cry, then told me that the only reason she called was because she was going to be in the hospital and she was worried about bella. I said "bella is fine."

 

I told her that there are certain things you don't do during a break up, and she did all of them. She started tos ay that she didn't call to be lectured. I continued to say that there are certain things that you don't do during a relationship, and I did most of them.

 

I finished with "my actions did not force your choices. My actions did not make you seek out someone else to talk to, or someone else to confide in, or someone else to hang out with, or someone else to be with. Your choices did those things."

 

She said she knew.

 

I started to tell her how I was planning on getting back together with her, that there was this thing online that I was gonna buy, blah blah blah. She said "I'm not asking to get back together with you."

 

And I said "Oh, I know. I agree with the break up. There is obviously something not right that made this happen."

 

I said what I was trying to say was that my therapist asked me "How could I ever trust you again?"

 

I kinda left it at that. I told her my therapist told me not to even talk to her, that it wouldn't do any good. She said she was sorry, that she would only text me about bella. I said "no, keep me up to date about how you are. I am worried about you, you are the mother of my child, and you do know how I feel about you."

 

I regret saying that. I wish I could just say "Ok, sounds good. Thanks for the call."

 

But I can't.

 

Anyways, I left her in tears, and me not crying at all. I only asked one question about her and her new boyfriend, which was "how long was it going on?" and she said "not long."

 

At one point I did say that a few days ago she said "we could get back together right now, but I'm scared it would blow up in our faces." and then I said I don't know why she lied to me like she did, but I think with statements like that and how she treated me, it was because she wasn't sure. But that is irrelevant now. Now her choice is made, and she can't take it back.

 

 

God this sucks!

[argann]

I think she clearly understands how you feel. I would have probably, from my side, kept emotions out of it since I think she all ready knows you care. Other than that I think you kept pretty well down the line. Her wheels are obviously spinning and being in the hospital and as vulnerable as she is might be compounding her emotional stress.

 

Keep us posted and good luck.

[xerofate]

I still can't get over that the doctors were telling her that she should prepare for the worst, that most people who get what she gets die....

 

But he still went to work!

 

What a DUMBASS!

 

Thanks for making that opening, guy. Thanks a ton. Cause I walked right through it, and she knows that I would be there for her 100%. But him? He's already shown her that work is more important then she is.

 

Good job.