Author minutebyminute Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 she can ask her H whatever she wants...as long as she is in M and doing what she supposed to do, once it is crossed that line it's no more her call...period. And doing what she is supposed to do, what is this?? Cleaning, cooking, running a business, taking care of the kids, doing all the bookkeeping, keeping up with all the family members and friends, and then making sure his sexual needs are met?? I did cross the line, I admit that, but I'm not making any calls. I'm not telling my H, "get in there and perform or get out", my post was to find out how to start the fire again. "He may very well have been responsible to neglecting her which caused her to find someone who would not neglect her" if he was ultra caring...then she would have told her story,by these lines My H is a clingy B****** that is why i had an affair...some how it didn't work out,so i am back to my H...then what would you say It isn't that easy, but that is what ultimately happens If he was ultra caring this never would have happened. . .period. one more thing, she found out that she has extra sexual drive after being with OM...so that proves she would have had her affair anyways,even if he is clingy A** i would say again he is not a pornstar he is her H damn it. I've always had a strong sex drive, but never had anything to compare it to because I didn't have very many partners before I got married,so when we do have sex, it's nice, but something was missing. . .like MY PLEASURE!!!!! You don't know me from Adam, don't make assumptions on what I would do IF. .. I don't want a porn star, but maybe my prude H should watch some porn to get some ideas on how to please ME for once! One more thing, enough of you, go away, you aren't helping, just trying to work your own crap out.
Lizzie60 Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Minute.. if I were you I would start to dress really sexy... to go out with female friends.. or alone.. (shopping, etc.).. just to make him a little jealous.. maybe he takes you for granted too much.. Have a 'serious' discussion with him.. making sure that he knows you CAN have sex outside the M if he doesn't give you what you need... I don't know your story.. I suppose this hasn't started last week.. it's a long process of 'boring' sexual sessions.. etc... and it lead to where you are now.. It's also quite unusual that it's the female partner that has the highest sex drive.. especially after all those years.. it's usually the men who have As... oh wait a Minute.. maybe he's been having affairs throughout the years.. Anyway.. I know it's not easy for you.. but tell him he needs to smarten up.. or else..
Author minutebyminute Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 That is also a very good point. Sometimes it's easy in the beginning to overlook how demanding a woman is in bed. It is new, so it's fun. Over time it just becomes a chore. If your needs are too out of line, most guys will eventually stop trying so hard. I don't have any demands in bed, I would just like to have an orgasm once in a while, I would like him to be excited that he excites me. Is asking my H to pinch my nipples, rub me, kiss my stomach, touch my skin too much?? I never asked the OM to do this, he surprised me he was on auto pilot with these simple pleasures, and gave a lot more than just the above. . . and now I know what I have been missing. Sorry that makes me an evil b*tch, a whore, a H hater, but its my journey not anyone elses. I want to incorporate this into our M, seems disgusting that I am taking the knowledge I learned from the OM to my H?? Maybe, but who's to say I could write back and tell everyone, we are doing great, and I couldn't be happier sexually, and there will be one less divorce in this world and my kids will always have their parents.
Author minutebyminute Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 Minute.. if I were you I would start to dress really sexy... to go out with female friends.. or alone.. (shopping, etc.).. just to make him a little jealous.. maybe he takes you for granted too much.. Have a 'serious' discussion with him.. making sure that he knows you CAN have sex outside the M if he doesn't give you what you need... I don't know your story.. I suppose this hasn't started last week.. it's a long process of 'boring' sexual sessions.. etc... and it lead to where you are now.. It's also quite unusual that it's the female partner that has the highest sex drive.. especially after all those years.. it's usually the men who have As... oh wait a Minute.. maybe he's been having affairs throughout the years.. Anyway.. I know it's not easy for you.. but tell him he needs to smarten up.. or else.. Funny! Sometimes I wish he would have an A, did I just say that? Then he would have to perform. We had sex this morning, he rubbed my nipple for like a second and the started to put it in. I stopped him, took his hand and pushed it down on me. While he was pleasuring me I pleasured him.He did okay, the sex was nice, I enjoyed it and so did he, but I didn't orgasm again. I told him I really wanted to come so next time maybe we could spend a little more time down there, and there it was again, Yeah, okay. I said don't you like my vagina, kidding, and he said yes I like it, so I told him she needed more attention. Anyway, there was that outter layer of negativity again, just turns me off. We'll see what happens next time.
Lizzie60 Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Minute.. btdt.. I was bored to death with my first ex.. I even told him once to get a mistress... he was really upset.. I had to say it was a joke.. In my case, it was the opposite though.. he had a high sex drive... would do anything to please me.. but I just didn't love him anymore.. I love him like a sister loves her brother... sex was a pure sacrifice..
scorpmale001 Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 sorry...i only read your first post...which was really confusing.... But ,You only settled with your husband because the OM dumped you, come on. You claimed the OM was the love of your life, I like it when people scream at their own wrong doings...now scream from the rooftop does it change anything...
MSUE Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 I was with my first husband 25 years, and he just never got how to please me, even though I made efforts to please him, and tell him what I liked. At one point, he said, "your sexuality is just too difficult", and I totally shut off to him, and just did what he liked. And that became what our marriage was about, what "he liked", in so many ways. normally this issues are lack of communication...but in your case u ssated that it has been communicated...maybe you need to revisit that chat w a different aproach and compromise...thats what of the most important things in any M Finally, I was tired of doing everything the way he liked. And I mean everything, dressing the way he liked, being the way he liked...he was a conservative prude, and I basically had to hide who I really was, otherwise he was disapproving... ... well you have enabled a controlling behavior...then again compromise because yes he will enjoy...but u? can you enjoy it when you put 0 focus on yourself? My self esteem went into the toilet. And in the end, he even stopped working, to "find himself" while I had to put the bread on the table. I threw in the towel, and when I met my second husband, "fireworks" happened, he liked me the way I am, and surprise, he just knew what to do because he cued in to me, I didn't even have to tell him....so that is my story. ... so life is good now...thats just great news Some partners just never get you, or want to get you...sounds like your husband has the classic mother/lover split and he does not want to see you as very sexual in your own right. But there is someone out there who will... as you found out...
Spark1111 Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 ugh! the average man takes 2.78 minutes from erection to climax....The average woman takes 14 minutes! Men, men, men......what are you doing with those other 12 minutes your woman needs! This is so sad that men do not or will not educate themselves to a woman's biology! And you can't find it in porn, which is made by men FOR men! When a woman is regularly orgasmic with a man, it releases oxcytocin from her brain, similiar to heroin, and makes her fall in love with the man!It also makes her want MORE sex with him. It is a WIN/WIN guys! Some guys are too insecure about their performance to educate themselves to what it takes to pleasing a woman. How sad for them! Sadder for the woman, IMHO!
jwi71 Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 ugh! the average man takes 2.78 minutes from erection to climax....The average woman takes 14 minutes! Men, men, men......what are you doing with those other 12 minutes your woman needs! Oh that's easy...the average commercial break in the NFL is 2.79 minutes. Its evolution my dear. When a woman is regularly orgasmic with a man, it releases oxcytocin from her brain, similiar to heroin, and makes her fall in love with the man!It also makes her want MORE sex with him. It is a WIN/WIN guys!No. The problem is, of course, women. If you could orgasm in 2.77 minutes all would be good yes? So hurry up and evolve to the level of men, have your orgasms, feel the hormonal rush of love - and I can get back to watching the Cowboys screw up another December schedule. Simple, easy, efficient. Another alternative would be to have sex 5 times at 2.78 minutes. That means you have had sex for 13.9 minutes which is close enough to 14. So, in the first half of the game, you can have an orgasm, feel love and I get to to watch the game. Now, please duly note MY sacrifice. Some of those beer commercials are pretty good and to miss them..... Sadly, I feel the need to ruin the tone of this and saw...I am of course kidding.
Author minutebyminute Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 sorry...i only read your first post...which was really confusing.... But ,You only settled with your husband because the OM dumped you, come on. You claimed the OM was the love of your life, I like it when people scream at their own wrong doings...now scream from the rooftop does it change anything... He is the love of my life and now he's gone. I've been around the block and back again trying to figure out simply all the motives. Neither of us would budge and the relationship ended. I don't want to speculate on what would happen if he came back into my life simply because I can't relive the pain I went thru trying to get to today. Today I am with my H. Today I am trying on the H and Myself. I am going forward-get what I am saying. I want things to work out, what exactly do you want from me a blood confession with all gory details. My last post to you.
Author minutebyminute Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 Oh that's easy...the average commercial break in the NFL is 2.79 minutes. Its evolution my dear. No. The problem is, of course, women. If you could orgasm in 2.77 minutes all would be good yes? So hurry up and evolve to the level of men, have your orgasms, feel the hormonal rush of love - and I can get back to watching the Cowboys screw up another December schedule. Simple, easy, efficient. Another alternative would be to have sex 5 times at 2.78 minutes. That means you have had sex for 13.9 minutes which is close enough to 14. So, in the first half of the game, you can have an orgasm, feel love and I get to to watch the game. Now, please duly note MY sacrifice. Some of those beer commercials are pretty good and to miss them..... Sadly, I feel the need to ruin the tone of this and saw...I am of course kidding. :lmao::lmao:Thanks! Well done!!
White Flower Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Oh that's easy...the average commercial break in the NFL is 2.79 minutes. Its evolution my dear. No. The problem is, of course, women. If you could orgasm in 2.77 minutes all would be good yes? So hurry up and evolve to the level of men, have your orgasms, feel the hormonal rush of love - and I can get back to watching the Cowboys screw up another December schedule. Simple, easy, efficient. Another alternative would be to have sex 5 times at 2.78 minutes. That means you have had sex for 13.9 minutes which is close enough to 14. So, in the first half of the game, you can have an orgasm, feel love and I get to to watch the game. Now, please duly note MY sacrifice. Some of those beer commercials are pretty good and to miss them..... Sadly, I feel the need to ruin the tone of this and saw...I am of course kidding. Ha ha, this was great! I WILL try harder to be more efficient...NOT!!! You're just jealous that our pleasure lasts longer than yours.
White Flower Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 ugh! the average man takes 2.78 minutes from erection to climax....The average woman takes 14 minutes! Men, men, men......what are you doing with those other 12 minutes your woman needs! This is so sad that men do not or will not educate themselves to a woman's biology! And you can't find it in porn, which is made by men FOR men! When a woman is regularly orgasmic with a man, it releases oxcytocin from her brain, similiar to heroin, and makes her fall in love with the man!It also makes her want MORE sex with him. It is a WIN/WIN guys! Some guys are too insecure about their performance to educate themselves to what it takes to pleasing a woman. How sad for them! Sadder for the woman, IMHO! Ummm, I guess this is why most WWs wouldn't take a risk on the average guy? I told you MM was the most scrumptuous man on the planet. But that's another topic for another thread. PS Just to be fair, I was already in love long before it turned PA, so his being extraordinary in the sack was not a prerequisite to the A but the A was surely enhanced by that factor.
dazzle22 Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 Well, some of us know what you are talking about. I did not appreciate the poster who said that maybe my sexuality WAS too difficult to figure out. NO. Never had a problem before or after, my ex was just sexually inept, and was a selfish lover. I could be wrong, but your husband sounds like a lazy selfish lover too, and I just don't know any cure for that, if you give him feedback and he doesn't make an effort. I have noted from experience that some men just naturally are much better lovers and pick up on cues. I think being a poor lover may also have to do with sexual hangups, and my suspicion is that my ex is closet gay. That is what all my gay friends say about him, that he was on their "gaydar" as soon as they met him. (I am not saying that is true in your case though)..
Author minutebyminute Posted December 12, 2009 Author Posted December 12, 2009 Well, some of us know what you are talking about. I did not appreciate the poster who said that maybe my sexuality WAS too difficult to figure out. NO. Never had a problem before or after, my ex was just sexually inept, and was a selfish lover. I could be wrong, but your husband sounds like a lazy selfish lover too, and I just don't know any cure for that, if you give him feedback and he doesn't make an effort. I have noted from experience that some men just naturally are much better lovers and pick up on cues. I think being a poor lover may also have to do with sexual hangups, and my suspicion is that my ex is closet gay. That is what all my gay friends say about him, that he was on their "gaydar" as soon as they met him. (I am not saying that is true in your case though).. Sometimes I thought maybe he was, his uncle who was a god in all eyes of his family, who was a traveler, a professor of English, highly educated, an artist, a super person, never married. The family still doesn't recongnize he was gay. Looking back, he was gay, SUPER GAY, it was over looked he was just an artist, never found the RIGHT woman, he wasn't looking for a woman. He died of cancer and his honor was up-held by all who admired him. Never one thing was said about his feminine side except he was articulate and different. It wasn't the time for him to be openly gay. My H is so macho. He is from the deep south and has his opinions of what a man should be. A hero, the white night that takes care of the family, even though I do a better job outright than him. I've asked him a few times over our 25 year period if he was gay, he got disgusted with me and walked away. This by no means MEANS he is gay, but I have thought about it. One of the replies said when she was with her ex it was like being with her brother, I hate to say this, but I have been feeling like this for a long, long time. I am at a loss right now. I don't know what to do, but I do. The OM is gone. He is not an option, so leaving is for me, which is what the OM wanted. He didn't want me to do it for him, but for myself. If things worked out for us, a bonus. I just couldn't do it because of our circumstances and the things we were headed for, bankruptcy, foreclosure. This will all be a memory next week. I will be free of all of this except for the secured debt we owe. You see, all this dissecting is very important to me. It is the tools in which I need to make my decisions, not that I would base them on this site, but it makes a mind wander. Hearing that other people have gone through or are going through similar situations makes me feel normal, makes me cry, makes me hug my kids tighter, makes me try harder, makes me angry, makes me feel like a fool, makes me want a better life whatever it takes. These ultimately are my decisions, but having no friends at this point in my life it is valuable to me to be able to post on this site.
Fallen Angel Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 Maybe you could get a really great book on sexual technique (filled with things YOU want him to do in bed) and a few really fun sex toys (including tasty gels) as a naughty lil Christmas gift. (Some men love the taste of a woman, for others it is a turn off, so the gels may help you with that. I had a male friend once tell me that he WANTED to perform oral sex for his wife, but he just really didn't like the taste, and so didn't do it, but he wouldn't tell her that because he was afarid to hurt her feelings. I made them a 'goodie basket' and gave it to them. They both thanked me for weeks afterwards. ) After you get the kids down for the night on Christmas Eve (early of course so Santa can visit), take him by the hand, lead him to the bed, and tell him you wanted to give him THIS gift in private. It is worth a shot anyway. *shrug* Good Luck! P.S. The links I provided are not personal recomendations, just jumping off points to finding something YOU would like (just Google any kind of toy or book you may want, then you know what you are looking for when you go out to buy) Since it is so close to Christmas, you will probably have to shop locally for your box of goodies as they might not be able to be shipped to you quickly enough.
Dexter Morgan Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I am a beautiful, sexy, intelligent woman, who is also a mother and caregiver. I want what I deserve from my husband, I want hot, intimate, unruly, passionate sex! you deserve that from your husband, and he deserves someone that is a faithful person. So if he gives you want you want because it is now basically extorted from him, you got what you think you deserve, but he still doesn't have what he deserves. kinda an unlevel playing field for him. My H has always been turned off when I ask for this, but when he is frisky everything is okay. This leaves me mad and spiteful. I don't want this anymore. I want a sexual relationship with him and if I can't then I need to leave. maybe you need to leave anyway, because anything he does, he is probably doing it out of fear. so basically you are wanting him to do something he doesn't really like. So how does it make you feel that he doesn't like it, but would do it anyway to appease you?
MizzBlue72 Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 From an OW POV: I started a so called NSA relationship with MM due to no sex with H for 4 years. I feel for you ..... Love dies hard. Great sex ALONG with the feelings you have dies even harder. Don't be too hard on yourself .. and don't let others on this board be hard on you too!!
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