sunshine94 Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 I live in St. Maarten (Dutch Caribbean) and met a guy while he was on vacation from the USA. We met for just 10 minuites while he was on his way to the airport to leave the island. We hit it off instantly and have been emailing each other now for about 2 months. After meeting me he wanted to come back to the island right away to see me, but because of his job he could not come back sooner. When he does come, which will be soon, he will only be able to stay for a week. After that it would probably be a long time before we meet up again as we live in two different countries. As this guy is traveling so very far to see me and spending a money on airfare and staying at a hotel (which is not cheap), I feel like if he makes a move on me and wants to have sex then I should do it. He seems like a very nice guy and always very polite and gives me a lot of attention in his emails. I do not think that it would be right to ask him to stay at my house, instead of a hotel as he is still a stranger. I am just so confused as to what to do, I am very attracted to him, but I normally would not have sex with guy fast. 2 months of online talking is not the same as dating in real life. I think if I refuse him sex he might get upset that he traveled so far and spent so much money just to see me and I will end up losing him. I do not want to lose him. What do you guys thinks about this? Thanks for reading.
carvidep Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 I do not think that it would be right to ask him to stay at my house, instead of a hotel as he is still a stranger... 2 months of online talking is not the same as dating in real life. I think if I refuse him sex he might get upset that he traveled so far and spent so much money just to see me and I will end up losing him. Hey Sunshine. I think you answered your question for yourself in your own post. You are right, online talking is not the same as dating in real life, especially only 2 months of it. You say that he is still a stranger, the key word. Would you give yourself to a stranger? Or do you want to wait until you know someone inside and out, and to be able to say that you trust that person completely without 1% of doubt? I realize that you don't want to lose the connection that you've made with this guy. If he honestly cares about you and respects you for YOU, he won't be upset if you say no. He will wait. It can't hurt to bring it up before he flies over to see you, so you both know what each other is expecting and where the boundaries are. hope this helps!
Author sunshine94 Posted December 10, 2009 Author Posted December 10, 2009 I would like to talk to him about this. But how do I bring it up? It would be such a very ackward conversation. Then again it would be even more ackward if he flies all this way to see me and we are both not on the same page.
Unistudent Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Well I guess you have to decided if you want to have sex or not. Then you will have to think about how to bring it up. You could make up a story like "This friend of mine started having sex with her before just 4 months after they met!"... and then be like... "Can you believe that? I would have waited much longer than that" And you could bring that story into context by talking about how you ran into "name" and got ta talking. That will give him the clear message that you aren't ready... but wont make it too obvious. If he cares about you then he will respect your feelings and if I guy gets upset because you don't want to have sex... then they aren't work the trouble. and another method to use which many girls that I know have is.... the its-my-time-of-the-month excuse. Just some thoughts!
Boundary Problem Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 So you have only spent 10 minutes with him in real-life? That isn't very long. No wonder you are anxious. But this anxiety can torpedo success because sex becomes the elephant in the room. I would address it before he flies there. Just say - I don't want to have sex on the first day, and warn him so he has his expectations in line with yours. The rest of the days will look after themselves, but just communicate, and don't be alone in your home, or his hotel, until you are ready. ie, say what your limit is before you go into a bedroom. You have no idea what is going to happen, and neither does he. Just don't "spring" sex decisions on him - is my advice. But if you do set a boundary, you have to enforce it. They are ok waiting. I don't like the lying about having a period. Nobody likes being lied to. People understand "I'm not ready".
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