beachlover Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 I haven't been on here in well over a year and now I suppose I just want an outside opinion. I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 months, everything is great, in fact he's not what made me come back here at all. I recently have been thinking about my ex again, I broke up with him a year before I met my current boyfriend, I thought he (the ex) was the love of my life (maybe he was at the time), but I have been proven wrong. He was completely wrong for me, I learned several months after I left that he had been cheating on me with a girl I knew and had talked to several time at parties that him and his friends threw. I am completely over him and am now completely in love with a guy who is so much better for me, someone who actually cares for me and wants to be with me. So why am I thinking about my ex? When I say thinking about him, I mean over the last month (or so) I have been wondering what he is up to (now that would be easy to figure out as he is still on my facebook friends because I don't think I have ever deleted anyone), I have had several dreams about him (not sure what the entire content is but I wake up and am freaked out that he was in my dreams). This can't be healthy. What do I do?
Johnny M Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 Women are more emotional than rational. Even though you know that your ex is a dick, you still have feelings for him (and no, you're clearly not "completely over him").
slutacious Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 after 5 years, i still have this problem too. Except, my ex treated me like a queen, and his friends still tell me i was the only person on his mind. And about the dreams, i keep having dreams about my ex being killed in iraq. Maybe you are just experiencing the what ifs. They are common, especially when you ended things.
carhill Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 This can't be healthy. What do I do? Get some real life support. Talk to a trusted friend or family member. Accept that you have some unfinished business with your ex. He cheated on you. Strong emotional stuff. Traumatic. It replays in your subconscious, prompting dreams. Fragments carry over into your conscious world. Perhaps you will have to accept that you may always 'feel' him but he is not your path. Perhaps that will bring you peace.
Author beachlover Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 Women are more emotional than rational. Even though you know that your ex is a dick, you still have feelings for him (and no, you're clearly not "completely over him"). I can assure you I am completely over him. I hate him for cheating on me! I want nothing to do with him. after 5 years, i still have this problem too. Except, my ex treated me like a queen, and his friends still tell me i was the only person on his mind. And about the dreams, i keep having dreams about my ex being killed in iraq. Maybe you are just experiencing the what ifs. They are common, especially when you ended things. I have had one of his friends contact me randomly in the last year, only 3-4 times, updating me on another (mutual more or less) friends life. I chose to break ties with that friend when I left him, it was just easier. That friend keeps has mentioned that he brings me up a lot, and I just say well that's too bad he f***** up and I am not going back there. Get some real life support. Talk to a trusted friend or family member. Accept that you have some unfinished business with your ex. He cheated on you. Strong emotional stuff. Traumatic. It replays in your subconscious, prompting dreams. Fragments carry over into your conscious world. Perhaps you will have to accept that you may always 'feel' him but he is not your path. Perhaps that will bring you peace. I don't think I am ready for real life advice yet, you may be right, LS is usually my first step so I may be getting there Thanks!
bbasher75 Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 I haven't been on here in well over a year and now I suppose I just want an outside opinion. I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 months, everything is great, in fact he's not what made me come back here at all. I recently have been thinking about my ex again, I broke up with him a year before I met my current boyfriend, I thought he (the ex) was the love of my life (maybe he was at the time), but I have been proven wrong. He was completely wrong for me, I learned several months after I left that he had been cheating on me with a girl I knew and had talked to several time at parties that him and his friends threw. I am completely over him and am now completely in love with a guy who is so much better for me, someone who actually cares for me and wants to be with me. So why am I thinking about my ex? When I say thinking about him, I mean over the last month (or so) I have been wondering what he is up to (now that would be easy to figure out as he is still on my facebook friends because I don't think I have ever deleted anyone), I have had several dreams about him (not sure what the entire content is but I wake up and am freaked out that he was in my dreams). This can't be healthy. What do I do? Why is he on your facebook friends? Does your current boyfriend know that your ex is on your facebook friends? Whats the matter with you? I'd have ridden myself of ANYTHING connected to that sc*mbag. Honestly I don't know why you are thinking of him. Self-esteem issues, most likely. Probably has little to with him. He's just the "tool" you're using to tell yourself that you are worthless and do not deserve to be happy. It's rubbish and my best advise is to delete the m0ron from your facebook right now and forget he exsisted. I guarantee he's not thinking of you and never did to begin with. Who cares about that piece of sh*t?
ZeGuitarist Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 As time goes on, generally bad memories start to fade and the good ones are left. More people tend to focus their memory on the reasons the relationship worked out, not the reasons it ended. I can recall a friend's experience in which the girl he was in love with at the time absolutely destroyed him by walking out on him. He was pretty upset at first, but he came to some good realizations about why she wasn't right for him and why it would never work between them. However, after the anger faded, he realized he still had feelings/what-ifs for her, despite the fact that he knew he didn't want it (if that makes any sense at all). So, I'd say what you're going through is pretty normal. - Z
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