sunshine94 Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 I live in St. Maarten (Dutch Caribbean) and met a guy while he was on vacation from the USA. We met for just 10 minuites while he was on his way to the airport to leave the island. We hit it off instantly and have been emailing each other now for about 2 months. After meeting me he wanted to come back to the island right away to see me, but because of his job he could not come back sooner. When he does come, which will be soon, he will only be able to stay for a week. After that it would probably be a long time before we meet up again as we live in two different countries. As this guy is traveling so very far to see me and spending a money on airfare and staying at a hotel (which is not cheap), I feel like if he makes a move on me and wants to have sex then I should do it. He seems like a very nice guy and always very polite and gives me a lot of attention in his emails. I do not think that it would be right to ask him to stay at my house, instead of a hotel as he is still a stranger. I am just so confused as to what to do, I am very attracted to him, but I normally would not have sex with guy fast. 2 months of online talking is not the same as dating in real life. I think if I refuse him sex he might get upset that he traveled so far and spent so much money just to see me and I will end up losing him. I do not want to lose him. What do you guys thinks about this? Thanks for reading.
Yukikazi Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 You don't have to sleep with him if you don't want to.. I assume he invited himself down again rather then you inviting him. If he is there for a week.. you can take at least 3 days to decide if you want to sleep with him or not.. if you do then you still got 4 days to enjoy. Don't sleep with him on day 1 at the very least... get some chemistry and bonding going first.
Author sunshine94 Posted December 10, 2009 Author Posted December 10, 2009 Yes he invited himself down. So, I am thinking he must like me a lot to be willing to pay for his airfare and hotel and other expenses from the USA to St Maarten. Online we get along great, I hope that in person we will have such good chemistry also.
norajane Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 As this guy is traveling so very far to see me and spending a money on airfare and staying at a hotel (which is not cheap), I feel like if he makes a move on me and wants to have sex then I should do it. Really? You believe you should have sex with him just because he's going to St. Martin for another week's vacation? Prostitutes require more than that - a guy actually has to pay them, not just for the hotel. Have sex because you want to have sex, not because you feel obligated because he is going down there for vacation. If he travels for his job, he has hotel points and airline miles, so his vacation could actually be free.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 You know nothing about this guy other than what he has told you. For all you know, he could be looking for someone to have sex with in each of the cities he visits for work. If he's genuinely interested in you for more than just sex, he will be happy to get a hotel and spend some time getting to know you. Even if you do hit it off, are you prepared to have a long-distance relationship with him?
Author sunshine94 Posted December 10, 2009 Author Posted December 10, 2009 He came to St Maarten on vacation and not for his work. For the past 8 years he has visted St Maarten every year (once a year) on vacation and he loves the island. I would want to have a long distance relationship with him, although that might be very hard to maintain.
norajane Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 Do you know (for sure) that he doesn't have a girlfriend at home? How do you know? Why do you want so much to lock yourself into a long distance relationship where you'll only see each other a couple times a year for a week at a time? Don't you want to date someone whom you can actually be with and who can be there with you whenever you want to see him? I don't know...you sound young, maybe, and a little naive. Is this guy much older than you?
Author sunshine94 Posted December 10, 2009 Author Posted December 10, 2009 I am 40 years old and he is 51. He got divorced about 2 years ago and broke up with his girlfriend a few months ago. When he came to St Maarten on vacation he came with his adult son, so I assume from that, that he is really not seeing someone as I would think he would travel with his girlfriend and not come alone on vacation. He says he is single, but I do not know that for sure as we live in 2 different countries. We talk online everyday and he seems to be a very nice guy, and I would like to get to know him. It would be easier and better to be with someone who lives in the same country, but I really like him a lot.
norajane Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 Ok, that's better. I was afraid you were 17 or something and about to be taken advantage of. You're a grown woman, so just keep your eyes and ears open, and make your decisions based on how his actions match up with his words. Trust your instincts - if something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. That said, you still should have sex with him just because he flies down to see you. Get to know him and if you feel like having sex with him, do so because you want to. I can't advise you on the long distance relationship thing. It's hard to make those work when you have already been dating for a while before one moves somewhere else. It's much harder when you start out as long distance. But, if it's too hard, you can always end it.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 It would be easier and better to be with someone who lives in the same country, but I really like him a lot. Long-distance relationships are tough, even in the SAME country. Think about whether you really want that. It doesn't matter how much you like someone -- being far away complicates everything. It doesn't mean it's impossible, but it's a big stumbling block to consider.
norajane Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 That said, you still should have sex with him just because he flies down to see you. Get to know him and if you feel like having sex with him, do so because you want to. That was supposed to say - "you still should NOT have sex with him just because he flies down to see you." The cost of his trip should not have anything to do with whether you decide you want to have sex with him or not.
Lish Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 Long-distance relationships are tough, even in the SAME country. Think about whether you really want that. It doesn't matter how much you like someone -- being far away complicates everything. It doesn't mean it's impossible, but it's a big stumbling block to consider. This.^^ & Ruby, how's your FWB getting on?
boogieboy Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 If you feel pressure from the anticipation of him going down there, it sounds like youre not fully attracted to him yet. You shouldnt have sex when you arent comfortable with him. You feel like you still need to get to know him, so tell him that. Tell him if hes ok with possibly not having sex while hes down there, then he should still go. If hes ok with that, you got a keeper. I'd say its presumptuous to say so, but hes a man, I know what he wants to fly all that way for.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 & Ruby, how's your FWB getting on? It's his birthday Friday, and I offered to bake him a cake and cook him a gourmet dinner (I love to cook and bake, and he has done so many great things for me, I'm happy to do it). I'm also going to be there with him in the afternoon while he gets a new tattoo, at his request. I figure I'll celebrate his birthday with him and help make it fun, then have a serious talk after that, if one needs to be had. I've told him this, and he understands and agrees it'll be fun to have a good time on his birthday, come what may.
Lish Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 It's his birthday Friday, and I offered to bake him a cake and cook him a gourmet dinner (I love to cook and bake, and he has done so many great things for me, I'm happy to do it). I'm also going to be there with him in the afternoon while he gets a new tattoo, at his request. I figure I'll celebrate his birthday with him and help make it fun, then have a serious talk after that, if one needs to be had. I've told him this, and he understands and agrees it'll be fun to have a good time on his birthday, come what may. I've a feeling this is the operative word... you sure you spelt it right?
Ruby Slippers Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 Haha! Given that it is my "special woman time" , I'm not sure how much throw-down there will be. But there will be cake -- with a few dozen candles. Oh, and I'm making him a big decadent breakfast the next morning, too. The man really has no room to complain here. /thread hijack!
Author sunshine94 Posted December 10, 2009 Author Posted December 10, 2009 If you feel pressure from the anticipation of him going down there, it sounds like youre not fully attracted to him yet. You shouldnt have sex when you arent comfortable with him. You feel like you still need to get to know him, so tell him that. Tell him if hes ok with possibly not having sex while hes down there, then he should still go. If hes ok with that, you got a keeper. I'd say its presumptuous to say so, but hes a man, I know what he wants to fly all that way for. This is exactly what I am thinking. He wants to fly all the way to St Maarten because he wants to get it on. I am very atracted to him and also like him, but I do not want to have sex soon and then it is game over for me. I think when you have sex with a guy fast they will lose interest fast also. Easy come, easy go. Then on the other hand I do not want him to run away cause I am playing hard to get. I really do not want to lose him, and think having a serious talk with him might also scare him off. Am I being silly? Please tell me your honest opinion about my dilemma. Thanks
Ruby Slippers Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 I really do not want to lose him, and think having a serious talk with him might also scare him off. It is often when people are afraid of loss that they betray themselves. You can't go into this guided by your fear of losing him, or you will probably end up doing things that are not good for you just to make him happy. He's one man of billions on the planet. No matter how much you may like him, you can't conduct yourself as if he is the last man on earth. Make smart decisions for yourself. People only respect other people who respect themselves and live their lives in ways that are honorable for them. So, doing what is right for you is not only good for you -- it will also make a much more favorable impression on him.
boogieboy Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 You have to have the talk with him before he gets down there. You should talk to him more on the phone alot so you can get to know him. You'll find out fast if he is genuinely interested in you or not. You cant control whether he will be interested in you as a person or not, you can only find out. You also cant control if he will stay after sex. But a red flag while youre talking to him would be alot of sexual innuendo, and no questions about you. After a couple weeks you should be able to know whether or not youre comfortable enough with him to warrant his trip. Talk talk talk!
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