Yael Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Hi all, I wrote about what happened in another thread. But suffice to say it has been three weeks with no contact and since I told him we can not be friends (he broke up with me). I had to sort something out with him - and I had to contact him (I was doing this so I could completely cut ties with him, ironic as it is). Straight away he said he missed me and would like to meet for coffee and we met up. It was a really lovely night. He told me repeatedly how great it was to see me, and who knows what the future holds. He told me I had a glow about me (I have used this time to really work on myself). He also said he wished we had met further down the track, and then added in who knows we may still. We also both realised that we both were sad that we were not doing some things together (there were two things we both were like yeah I wanted to do that with you). He also told me he wanted to invite me to an engagement over the past weekend, and that although he didn't agree with the no friends thing, he respected me and respected my wishes. He also told me he cried after we broke up and did have second thoughts, but thinks it was the right thing to do. he also said he knows he gave up a pretty good thing, and an almost perfect thing. ARGH! Since then he has called me again and e-mailed me (all to do with the thing I needed to sort out, which is now sorted), but has told me how great it was to see me. He has also said he has put himself back out there in the dating world. So I decided two things - 1 I would not read into anything and 2 if this is too hard I would go back to NC. I am confused, I feel I am getting such mixed messages. I am not sure what I want, or where to go next. I know now it is no longer about reconciliation, if anything we may date again and find each other, but I still think it is too soon. I feel he is trying to keep his options open with me. But if i see him am i just going to end up as friends? Am I just going to end up hurt? Any advice would be great. I think we have not had such a nice night together in a very long time. I did tell him this meeting was a test and that I did not know what would happen.
lilbelle Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 omg. I'm am so sick of these men and their mixed signals. Just make up your damn minds already. I hear ya girl, I'm just as confused as ever and sometimes wish I wouldn't have run into him and could forget him. It's so confusing and downright exhausting.
Author Yael Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 Update - I got a message from him saying can he take me out for dinner to thank me for being me (???). Is this a date or is he trying to enforce a friend thing? he did say he was going to leave it up to me to contact him again, and in less than a week he has contacted me. Men some help here would be nice. Seriously confused by it all.
name witheld Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Yeah conflicting messages. At first I read and thought perhaps he already had someone else in the picture eg hencesaying he plans to be dating. But if he is calling (with a lame excuse btw!!) to take you out to dinner then maybe he has had second thoughts. However, we men are conditioned to flatter you and tell you things to make you feel good, even if we don't fully mean it. You also take a risk that its a booty call so be careful. How long have you been broken up for?
Author Yael Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 Hey, thanks for your comments. We have been broken up for a month, 6 weeks if you count the time we went on a "break". It is still pretty fresh. I am pretty sure there is no one else, althought I have my suspicions about one of his friends - but he is single if he was with her he was (they are no longer talking, and he has yet to tell me why). Since I posted, he has his son on the night I suggested. He has now asked me to come out with both of them - although I said we should just try for next week. Instead he told me how much his son misses me and wants to see me. I miss his son too, but the three of us going out.. it may be too painful. Funny how my aim to get him out of my life has majorly backfired, and now I feel I need to see this through.
jms76 Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Yael, Coming from a guy, I would be cautious. I don't know your whole scenario but the bottom line is you are confused and you need some clarification from your ex. I don't think you should accept dinner until you know what his intentions are. If he just wants to see you as a friend or is he interested in dating again? You stated in your post you weren't sure how to label going out to dinner...date?...friendship? If your ex is interested in getting back together, you really need to analyze what went wrong/why he ended the relationship. Do you think that whatever the issue(s) were, they have been fixed in only a week? Anyway, if he is wanting friendship, I think you need to be firm and tell him you're not able to offer that yet. If he's a good guy and cares about you, he'll respect your request. Good luck!
Author Yael Posted December 15, 2009 Author Posted December 15, 2009 Hi Jms, all good points and things I have thought about. Has he worked through his issues in the last 6 weeks (it hasn't been a week - it has been over a month). Only he can tell me that. I know I should ask him straight out, but he already called me today to find out if I would meet him and his son. As it is both of them I am not going to treat it as a date - it really isn't if his son is there. But at some point I need to make it clear I am not his friend, I am his ex-g/f and he has to respect that, and understand I am not going to be some back up plan. It is so much easier saying it on here than doing it in person.
Author Yael Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 Okay, so I saw him and his son last night. I decided to talk to him after his son went to sleep, and ask him about the truth about this friend of his and what really happened. Seems they lasted all of 2 weeks before he pulled the plug (and he now finally realises what she is really like - so in some way it is good as she was a huge problem). He insists they were not together when we were and that he didn't break up with me to be with her. However, the reason I am getting such mixed messages is because he is mixed up. He told me he could see himself growing old with me (but couldnt with her), that what he wanted long term was sitting next to him, that when something happened he wanted to tell me (and not her - he said this told him a lot), that he still had feelings and was attracted to me, and that he was going to fnd it hard when i started to date. BUT.. it seems that due to his divorce and the fact he was monogomous for 14 years he does not want someone now. He wants to do whatever he wants to do, but in the end it seems he wants to come back to me. Wow.. what a slap in the face. At least that is what it feels like it. How can he want me long term, but short term he wants to f'k anything he can - what so he can get it out of his system and then come back to me? I am worth more than that... I am so confused. The only thing I can say is at least he didn't cheat - something he said he probably would have done had we stayed together. We talked for hours, I did say bluntly that even if he said lets get back together I would say no, as it was not about that anymore, it was about moving forward and establishing something new - whatever that was. But how much of a fool am I being.. I am almost back to cutting my losses and running as far from him as possible. I am going to start dating again though. Time for me to move on. He wants to risk losing me then that is something he will have to live with from now on. Any comments thoughts, be harsh i dont mind!
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