Alf Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Quick one. I took a sneaky look at my gf's list of people to chat with on Facebook. In Facebook you can have seperate lists of people you like to chat with... She had a separate list called hmmm. In it are 4 people, two of her old mates from school, and two of her ex-boyfriends male friends. I know she uses hmmm, when referring to things she enjoys, ie sex.... I just find it a little odd, why would she be chatting on fbook with two of her exes friends in a chatbox titled "hmmm".... Yes I know what I did was wrong. No need to tell me.
imagine Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 Alf, I am amazed when a person is in a relationship that personal details are secret. Suppose she is a trollop and you were going to ask her to marry you, is privacy fair. What about when you get married and this communication with b/f 's continued, would it be fair to check her notes? Somehow I don't think so! Marriage is about the two people becoming one. Neither of you are excluded from investigation by the other. Now what to do about the info? Never let her know your source. Let is be known that a friend to xb/f is in contact and passed on the dirt. Place a keylogger on to her PC so that you may still access her mail. Now that you know that you are playing second fiddle - what are you going to do? Hmmm?
Author Alf Posted December 10, 2009 Author Posted December 10, 2009 Are there reliable keyloggers out there? Can anyone recommend one?
stayingstrong12 Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 i actually think its okay once and awhile to do that stuff like go on facebook who cares..if she has nothing to hide then she shouldnt care and its not a big deal
serialgf Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 how long have you two been dating? i think that makes a pretty big difference... are you considering putting a keylogger on HER computer? if my BF did that i would seriously consider breaking up with him... IMO that's a huge invasion of privace... but again, it depends how long you've been together and whether you're on the marriage track, etc. i don't think what you have there is quite enough evidence... but again, it depends how long you've been together... it could be something she set up before you were together and she never bothered to change it has she given you other clues/motives to be suspicious? good luck! sgf
Bryanp Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 How do you think she would be feeling if you had a special facebook list of former girlfriends under hot sexy women?
Malenfant Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 FB should be banned!! if i had a quid for every thread that is about something seen on FB i could go on a nice holiday.
phineas Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 blaming facebook is like blaming the other person. If it wasn't facebook it would be another method of communication. If it wasn't that particular person it would just be somebody else. When it comes to keyloggers & today's security software I think a hardware keylogger is the easiest way to go. http://www.ecrater.com/product.php?pid=5673639 Unless it's a laptop. Then you gotta configure security software to ignore the keylogger software. In my case I learned STBXW was uswing MY laptop to talk to her boyfriend. I key-logged MY laptop. Busted.
Malenfant Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 blaming facebook is like blaming the other person. If it wasn't facebook it would be another method of communication. If it wasn't that particular person it would just be somebody else. my point was not about people cheating because of FB, what I meant was that people get suspicious because of their partners friends list, pictures posted on there etc. alot of the time people get paranoid over something totally innocent and this causes alot of problems. that was what i meant. but i dont think anyone can say that the net hasnt made it so much easier to hook up with people if you want to. in the past you had to really go out of your way to have an affair, now its actually very easy to get into something without much effort. and the boundaries are smudged now what with emotional affairs, cyber sex etc. Most people would see cyber sex as cheating, and we certainly didnt have that years ago. the net absolves guilt to a degree, making infidelity easier for many to excuse in themselves, because it isnt cheating in the traditional sense.
phineas Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 my point was not about people cheating because of FB, what I meant was that people get suspicious because of their partners friends list, pictures posted on there etc. alot of the time people get paranoid over something totally innocent and this causes alot of problems. that was what i meant. but i dont think anyone can say that the net hasnt made it so much easier to hook up with people if you want to. in the past you had to really go out of your way to have an affair, now its actually very easy to get into something without much effort. and the boundaries are smudged now what with emotional affairs, cyber sex etc. Most people would see cyber sex as cheating, and we certainly didnt have that years ago. the net absolves guilt to a degree, making infidelity easier for many to excuse in themselves, because it isnt cheating in the traditional sense. I got you now. I agree. It is soo easy. But I was an open book to my wife. I didn't keep anything from her. I wasn't afraid of her walking in on me while I was on the computer because I had nothing to hide. Maybe i'm just the odd-ball that way.
Malenfant Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 I got you now. I agree. It is soo easy. But I was an open book to my wife. I didn't keep anything from her. I wasn't afraid of her walking in on me while I was on the computer because I had nothing to hide. Maybe i'm just the odd-ball that way. i hope not! I am the same as you. I dont have any locked or hidden files or anything, and i've never looked through my h's phone or emails. Some may say this is being niave, but for me, without complete and total trust on both sides i would be an unhappy person.
Author Alf Posted December 10, 2009 Author Posted December 10, 2009 We're together about 6 mths, but it's quite a strong relationship.... I just looked at my facebook chatlists and I have a list with two girls that I was talking to months ago, that I was involved with....but I don't have it entitled "Hmmmm"... The point is they are two male friends of a guy she used to date... What I don't get is why would she have 2 male friends of her boyfriends in a seperate chatbox. It does include her 2 other female friends. But she is close to them, I wonder how close she was to her ex-bf's mates... It's not that they are in the list now, it's why were they in there in the first place?
New_Life08 Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 Yeah, she is keeping a private ongoing friendship with them. Could be an emotional relationship. you need to ask her about it. Have you asked her about contacting these people before and she lied to you? There must be some reason you are suspicious. Anyway, it needs to come out. I think opposite sex friends in particular need to be an open book in a relationship. Otherwise it seems they're hiding something that could be inappropriate.
phineas Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 You snooped for a reason. trust your gut. it is almost ALWAYS right.
Malenfant Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 We're together about 6 mths, but it's quite a strong relationship.... I just looked at my facebook chatlists and I have a list with two girls that I was talking to months ago, that I was involved with....but I don't have it entitled "Hmmmm"... The point is they are two male friends of a guy she used to date... What I don't get is why would she have 2 male friends of her boyfriends in a seperate chatbox. It does include her 2 other female friends. But she is close to them, I wonder how close she was to her ex-bf's mates... It's not that they are in the list now, it's why were they in there in the first place? so your reasoning is that your chat boxes dont say 'hmmm' on or anything that looks outwardly suspicious? even though you also have chat boxes with your exes? stop obsessing and second guessing, it will get you nowhere. just ask her.
Yukikazi Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 i actually think its okay once and awhile to do that stuff like go on facebook who cares..if she has nothing to hide then she shouldnt care and its not a big deal Its called privacy.. regardless of if she has something to hide.. In your case you are going with guilty until proven innocent.
Yukikazi Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 are you considering putting a keylogger on HER computer? if my BF did that i would seriously consider breaking up with him... IMO that's a huge invasion of privace... consider? Wow.. if my gf tried to pull that **** on me (regardless of the fact she won't get any of my passwords cause its none of her business) you can bet she would be out the door before the uninstall program finished.
imagine Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 Mr Yukikazi is clearly not interested in a closer relationship with his girlfriend. His life is most definitely private.
Yukikazi Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 Mr Yukikazi is clearly not interested in a closer relationship with his girlfriend. His life is most definitely private. There is a difference between closer and invasive. How would you like it if you suddenly discovered your GF had secretly installed a GPS on your car to track you every move?
Yukikazi Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Would you mind if your wife did this? This is a null issue as I am not married. But of course I would mind. Now answer my question
Boundary Problem Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 There is a difference between closer and invasive. How would you like it if you suddenly discovered your GF had secretly installed a GPS on your car to track you every move? Reeks of insecurity.
Malenfant Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Reeks of insecurity. what actually reeks of insecurity is people trawling through their partners FB, emails etc trying to find something dodgy. theres a difference between privacy and secrecy, i dont have anything to hide, and neither does my H but we dont go fishing through each other's PCs. if he asked, i would let him, and vice versa, but happily we are both secure enough in our trust for each other that this isnt even an issue for us.
imagine Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 How would you like it if you suddenly discovered your GF had secretly installed a GPS on your car to track you every move? I have no secrets that I do not expose to my wife. All my mail is open. She knows the colours of my underpants when I get up. We are threaded like string. And she forgives my errors!
Malenfant Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 I have no secrets that I do not expose to my wife. All my mail is open. She knows the colours of my underpants when I get up. We are threaded like string. And she forgives my errors! surely it isnt about having secrets, but more about your partner trusting you. if you're a faithfull partner, how much does it hurt to find out your partner suspects you of infidelity?
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