Odyssey Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 Relationships, huh? Easy to get into. Hard to maintain. Difficult to get out of (including moving on)... Lessons learned? 1. I can't force/change anyone. Sometimes if i can't change something, i'll just have to change the way i think about it. 2. Talking alone does not fix things. Taking action fixes things. 3. I teach others how they treat me. 4. I learn more about people when they're under stress or adversity than i do when everything's rainbow and sunshine. 5. The higher the expectations, the lower i'll feel when those expectations aren't met. 6. If I am going to dump someone, don't point out all of their flaws just to hurt them back. 7. Don't over-think and dwell on every little thing. 8. Make sure the person i decide to be with will appreciate everything i do for them. 9. Listening and offering support is not just about finding solutions to problems. 10. Unfortunately love can blind, so it's best to pull off those rose-tinted glasses every now and then. 11. Don't get into a relationship with someone i don't trust. Actually, the funny thing about trust is that it's not other people i need to learn to trust, it's myself. I realised i'd always doubted my own judgment because i were wrong about and hurt by other people. But I am certainly learning from the experience. Figure out what the warning signs were that the relationship was dwindling. Grow from it and become a stronger person for it. And take my own responsibility for what happened too. As for my ex....even though I may know what i brought to the relationship and what i had to offer her, that doesn't mean she'll ever catch on. I've learned that people can be hopelessly clueless sometimes.
sean1970 Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 8. Make sure the person i decide to be with will appreciate everything i do for them. 8. Make sure the person i decide to be with will appreciate everything i do with them.
USMCHokie Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 Aww dude, I hope eventually you outgrow this. Both men and women are capable of being full of crap. We all have our moments. Though to be honest, I do undertand where this is coming from for you, and I don't blame you in feeling this way. And because I know how you feel, I have more scrutiny in what I look for in a woman. For instance, if I cannot have fun at least 51% of the time with her, than that's a no-no for me. My post wasn't necessarily directed at just women...as a guy, of course I'll blame all women...just like a woman will blame all men...like you said, both are capable of being untrustworthy...it's human nature...the only person you can trust is yourself...I don't even feel like anyone can be truly honest with another in this little world of ours anymore...I'd love to believe in people, but it gets harder each time you realize that the person you loved and thought could be trusted turns their back on you...I guess that's why we start building walls to protect ourselves...
on edge Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 I have learned so many things about myself and how to handle relationships. Recently, I started dating someone new. She asked for some space, explaining that we would get back together once she took care of some personal stuff. I told her that she is either going to be with me or not, and that if she goes now, it's over. The old me would have never had such confidence. The new me didn't even hesitate. I like the new me.
tryagaintoday Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 I've learned that: - I'm actually not just good at mahjong, I'm great at it - my buddies are really my buddies - I'm good at driving - I like smoking - can't drink for the life of me - this site is a very good site
health Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 This is what I leanred - The first part is mostly things I regret and could have done better. In hindsight She could have done better too. I know I gave it my all. At the same token, I take my responsibility for the break up as well. - When talking on the phone - don't be on the internet - focus, give real attention -don't put her to the side for unimportant things - do more things she wants like spinning her around - don't care about how she dresses - forgive - be clear in communication -Don't put any one on a pedastle - have more of her pampering days find a girl who can hold a job down and doesn't smoke or doesn't go clubbing - If she breaks trust in small things it will be big things too - Love is not enough - don't commit to people who arn't happy with themselves - Healing takes time - but you can make it fun! - don't drink or do drugs while healing - Stick to no contact, break that principle - deal with the consequences - don't ask personal questions about what she's doing now
Kic Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 I've learned that you must ensure that you have little to no regrets before going NC. Before you initiate NC, do everything a reasonable person ought to do to get the other person to understand why they are at fault and what you needed them to compromise on. Explain that you addressed that person's concerns and made improvements even while your needs were ignored. If you don't do these things - if you harbor too much regret and feel that you are too much at fault - then it is much harder successfully stay in NC. I see many here that are in NC, but they have regret. They agonize about breaking NC to say one more thing. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, as they say.
bananaboat11 Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Yes, I'm resurrecting this thread. I have learned I suffer from symptoms of 'Nice Guy Syndrome'.... I'm working on that. I also learned I am more physically attractive than I first believed. In addition to that, it's my physical appearance that makes me look like i'm a typical douche-bag jock alpha male... I don't like that. One bit. I've learned to recognize the red flags in a relationship... and when I am a rebound partner. I've also learned women are more complex than originally I had thought... instinctively led to believe previously they were complex. Now I believe they're ****ing complex... not just simplistically complex. Ha. I'm going to put my foot down more in a relationship. If she wants to walk... I need to learn to balance my options and know if it's worth it to chase her or not. If she says BREAK or SPACE.... I'm giving it to her. I don't want to be with someone who is going to disrespect me this way. She wants to **** someeone else? She isn't worth me time (I've thank g-d never been cheated on - to my knowledge). I'm not ****ing up my future / my academics for some low self-esteem bitch. You want sex only? Tell me that before you start telling me you're falling in love with me. I may seek companionship too. Communication is a lot different than talking your head off. Some women NEED to learn this. Just because your mouth is running 24/7 DOESN'T mean you're communicating. /rant
Pentel Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 - i need love, not lies - i dont need to be so clingy - be more fun - dont leave my friends for a girl - girls come in eeny, meeny, miny, moe - i am a great person so full of love to give, i don't have to settle for less - i dont have to feel bad for anyone that doesn't deserve it - i need to watch my back (2 of my so called "friends" that i met back in elementary backstabbed me after i broke up" - i need someone that gives back the same ammmount of the love i give - see the way she acts, not what she says
Dream Brother Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 I'd like to ask how you came to the conclusion that it's only women that are crazy and can't be trusted?? He didn't say it was only women that are crazy and can't be trusted.
sedgwick Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 I learned that women are crazy and can't be trusted. Interesting. I'm trustworthy as hell and work very, very hard to keep my crazies under control so I don't burden or hurt anyone else. Musicians, however -- now THEY can't be trusted!!
DiscoChick Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 1. I am as attractive as I've been told. 2. I shouldn't give so much. 3. Love is beautiful. 4. Love does not equal money, credit card bills, or tears. 5. Sex does not dictate feelings. 6. I am strong and capable of making myself happy.
USMCHokie Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Interesting. I'm trustworthy as hell and work very, very hard to keep my crazies under control so I don't burden or hurt anyone else. Musicians, however -- now THEY can't be trusted!! Heh, agreed... But I will have to admit that that was not one of my finer times in life when I said that...
almostpassedit Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 (edited) I'm not hurt or in pain or sad. I'm normal again, infact looking forward to life and very much happy. Not happy per say that I LOVE LIFE and LOVE living but happy that I am standing on my own two feet again, looking forward to what the world throws at me. What have I learned? Females are lovely, they make you smile and bring happy ness. They are the back-bone to a family and they are the ones that brings calm and life to your world. When they become unhappy or frustrated, they tend to revert back to their natural selves, some are whores, some are not. The ones that are whores will back-stab you and lie right to your face. They will string you along and blame you for everything. They will mess up your head and put you into depression. They will break you, laugh at you and then leave you, why? because they are already sucking another cock and they don't care about you, but they won't tell you that, it wouldn't be polite of them so instead they string you along, give you enough to keep you around for their purpose and when you get hip to their game, they disappear like a ghost. Those femals are the worst ones and they, like to play with fire. What have I learned? Never beg. Never cry. Never go back. Never let them mess with your money Forgive but don't forget. Lift weights and work out. And this last one I am debating, I don't feel that strongly enough to do it to someone but for my last relationship, I owe her something special: Spit in their face if they try and talk to you in public. What have I learned? Look at the family, is the father broken? Does the mother run the show? If yes, you got yourself a geniune cunt. Be weary. Females, they bring life, fear them. Edited January 21, 2010 by almostpassedit
Ilovecake Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 I learned that: Everyone was right, he really was a terrible boyfriend and not worthy of someone like me. I definitely lowered my standards being in that relationship. I should not feel ashamed for wanting to be loved and respected. I am the center of my universe, everyone else is secondary. My happiness is all that matters, I’m not responsible for anyone else’s life.I am much stronger than I give myself credit for. I don’t need to be in a relationship to be complete. People like me for who I am not for who I’m with. I too can lift heavy boxes, put together furniture, fix things around the house, take out the garbage…etc I still need to work on my coffee brewing.Most people in my life are transient and that’s OK. As much as it might hurt at the moment something good always comes out of change. Rarely do thing turn out as badly as the worst case scenarios I tend to imagine.
annxxdisaster Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Look at the family, is the father broken? Does the mother run the show? If yes, you got yourself a geniune cunt. Be weary. Females, they bring life, fear them. Not hurt, eh? Referring to an ex as a c*** (I really HATE that word, you honestly couldn't have dreamed up a better word?) really just shows all the hurt you still do have. Same goes for me, I'd gladly call my ex a ball-less little bitch with loads security issues to close friends and belittle him for minutes. But you know what? That doesn't make me feel any better and it still shows that I am hanging on to him and still hurting. I personally don't believe you're actually over someone until you have nothing, good or bad, to say about them. "You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger." What have I learned? That I can't expect someone else to make me happy.I need to accept my flaws, I can not be a 'perfect' person but I can work on being perfectly content with myself--flaws and all.Keep the past where it belongs. Don't let past let downs ruin anything that's happening now.Don't dream about the future too much.Learn to accept the unknown instead of trying to control it and turning it into something more familiar, it usually just repeats unhealthy cycles.Meditation really is a good habit to have.I create my own truths, no one else.
Beeotch Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 I've learned that you must ensure that you have little to no regrets before going NC. Before you initiate NC, do everything a reasonable person ought to do to get the other person to understand why they are at fault and what you needed them to compromise on. Explain that you addressed that person's concerns and made improvements even while your needs were ignored. If you don't do these things - if you harbor too much regret and feel that you are too much at fault - then it is much harder successfully stay in NC. I see many here that are in NC, but they have regret. They agonize about breaking NC to say one more thing. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, as they say. I very much co-sign. After you have communicated and said all you have to say...then leave the person alone. But if you break up and immediately start ignoring the person but are bothered everyday, it really is not that productive.
Beeotch Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Not hurt, eh? Referring to an ex as a c*** (I really HATE that word, you honestly couldn't have dreamed up a better word?) really just shows all the hurt you still do have. Same goes for me, I'd gladly call my ex a ball-less little bitch with loads security issues to close friends and belittle him for minutes. But you know what? That doesn't make me feel any better and it still shows that I am hanging on to him and still hurting. I personally don't believe you're actually over someone until you have nothing, good or bad, to say about them. "You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger." What have I learned? That I can't expect someone else to make me happy.I need to accept my flaws, I can not be a 'perfect' person but I can work on being perfectly content with myself--flaws and all.Keep the past where it belongs. Don't let past let downs ruin anything that's happening now.Don't dream about the future too much.Learn to accept the unknown instead of trying to control it and turning it into something more familiar, it usually just repeats unhealthy cycles.Meditation really is a good habit to have.I create my own truths, no one else. I LOVE these!
Ilovecake Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 My post wasn't necessarily directed at just women...as a guy, of course I'll blame all women...just like a woman will blame all men... I think you're too dependent on that word ALL. I don't blame all men for anything. One person or event in my life does not represent the entire gender.
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