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Let's Say During Dating The Person Becomes Disfigured


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Posted

Let's say you're driving in an SUV with your date, and you are running away from a person with a golf club chasing you.

 

You get into a car crash which significantly disfigured your date's appearance. You've been dating for maybe 3 months. Now you don't find that person attractive anymore, would you continue to date?

 

Ignore the scenario setup but concentrate on the question.

Posted

If I wasn't attracted to them anymore because they became disfigured, then whatever I had with that person to begin with wasn't very deep. I would probably be there for them while they went through the hard part of recovering and then I would probably disappear. But if I caused the disfigurment or if it was my fault in some way, then I would stay with them.

Posted

I would keep dating her if I really liked her. I had a "relationship" with a good friend of mine, briefly before she moved, and she had burns on her face from her brother accidentally spilling oil on her.

 

Never felt a connection or understanding with anyone like this before. I would marry this woman TODAY, without a second thought.

Posted
Now you don't find that person attractive anymore, would you continue to date?

no .

Posted
If I wasn't attracted to them anymore because they became disfigured, then whatever I had with that person to begin with wasn't very deep.

 

it was about skin deep.....:lmao:

 

there would be soo many variables...

 

like what if the person blamed ME and became not only physically ugly but turned into a nasty bitter person???

 

or what if some crazy lawsuit ensued because the vehicles seat belt didn't properly function resulting in the disfigurment of the person AND then they got all rich and was able to have corrective surgery and looked ezactly the same again???

 

i can telll you it would be a probable NO if there was loss bodily function control....

 

and it would depend on my age at the time- i could see me being less apt to say yes if i were young- as i would have a whole life to live and experiences to have that may not be as possible if i was with someone with possible medical issues

Posted
I had a "relationship" with a good friend of mine,.

 

you mean this chick you used to sleep with.... basically

Posted

if i became grossly disfigured or lost my genitals i wouldn't expect any chick to stay with me. if she stayed thats great but i wouldn't expect her to...

Posted

A childhood friend of mine was badly burned when he was young. He was driving a big truck with gasoline in it (I think it was gas), and he came to a place where there was road construction. The construction crew directed him to the side of the road and when he went in that direction, his truck flipped over because the road was unlevel. He jumped out of the truck before it blew but he as he was running away, he caught on fire. He tried to put the fire out with his hands and that's what ruined his hands. His recovery was horrible. He was dating someone at the time and they ended up getting married. They have kids, too.

Posted

I read "SUV", "date", and "golf club" and immediately thought Tiger Woods.

Posted

Sorry, but it was a very emotionally draining situation for both of us, and for you to marginalize it like that really pissed me off. Change your tone, and don't assume and we'll be fine. I apologize for the visceral reaction.

Posted
Sorry, but it was a very emotionally draining situation for both of us, and for you to marginalize it like that really pissed me off. Change your tone, and don't assume and we'll be fine. I apologize for the visceral reaction.

 

i had no tone... i was merely asking. i apologize it came out a snarky way- that wasn't what i intended.

 

*shake and call it ok?*

Posted

Hmm.

 

It totally depends.

 

If they were incredibly disfigured to the point where their movement was impaired or they couldn't have sex, I probably wouldn't stay with them long term. It would be too much of a burden.

 

If they were disfigured but could still function normally and we had really connected before the accident, I wouldn't lose my attraction to them at all.

 

This whole accident could create problems beyond the physical, though. What if they became deeply depressed and this drained our relationship? I would also always wonder if they were just with me in the end because they felt I was the only girl who'd take them.

Posted

I can honestly say that I have no idea what my reaction would be.

 

But...most mild disfigurements and even horrific disfigurements can be corrected with modern plastic surgery. This would be the only time, I would promote plastic or cosmetic surgery.

 

It's kind of like asking what the price of rice in China will be on Feb. 6, 2010. Uhhh...no fricken' idea. :p

Posted
I would probably be there for them while they went through the hard part of recovering and then I would probably disappear.

Shallow.

 

 

But if I caused the disfigurment or if it was my fault in some way, then I would stay with them.

Dishonest.

 

Do you honestly think - truly - that either of the above statements would lead to actions that would help either them or you?

 

To remain in a situation with a full intention of leaving it once the exterior damage is dealt with, is an entirely wrong reason to stay, and is fuelled by guilt.

What about the damage you would do to their self-esteem, and emotional attachment to you?

 

And to remain in a relationship out of an obligation fuelled by Guilt is neither fair to them, or to you.

Posted
Let's say you're driving in an SUV with your date, and you are running away from a person with a golf club chasing you.

 

You get into a car crash which significantly disfigured your date's appearance. You've been dating for maybe 3 months. Now you don't find that person attractive anymore, would you continue to date?

 

Ignore the scenario setup but concentrate on the question.

 

dude, that's insensitive.. not cool.

Posted

If I have been dating someone for that long then chances are I have feelings for them, so to abandon them would be lower then rat excrement.

Posted

Hm, it goes back to the thread where could you date someone you weren't physically attracted to? I think to say that you would stay with someone who is disfigured despite not being attracted anymore is sort of like saying you are only staying out of pity? Most replies on that said thread said they wouldn't date someone or stay with someone if they lost, or was never any physical attraction. So regardless of how they came to be physically unattractive to you, they are that. Unattractive to you.

 

Sorry, but that's the truth of the matter. Course there's more things you can be attracted to someone for, not just looks.

Posted

I got dumped under those circumstances. The guy I was with at the time knew that chemo and surgery would wreck me and he dumped me the week before everything got started. We had been together three years.

Posted
I got dumped under those circumstances. The guy I was with at the time knew that chemo and surgery would wreck me and he dumped me the week before everything got started. We had been together three years.

 

What an ass.:mad:

Posted
I got dumped under those circumstances. The guy I was with at the time knew that chemo and surgery would wreck me and he dumped me the week before everything got started. We had been together three years.

 

Did it come as a shock when this guy abandoned you, or had you already figured that would be his reaction to your illness?

 

There are people who will run the moment things get tough or testing. It doesn't matter how well you're handling without their assistance, or how little you're leaning on them for emotional response. You can almost see them making the sign of the cross in response to other people's difficulties....as though they themselves are in some way superhuman and will never be caught by illness or misfortune.

 

A friend of mine is with a guy like that just now. I would have nothing to do with him were it not for my friend. In fact, I see much less of her these days. The bad feeling I get about this man is something I just can't ignore.

 

The moment conversation isn't focused around him, he's sitting back ostentatiously looking bored. He responds to anyone who doesn't fit the shiny, happy person bill with palpable hostility...as though he's afraid of catching something from them. Fearful and narcissistic. Forever in denial of some of the harder realities of life. Mired in constant self congratulation about his own shallowness. He trumpets and drones about "positive thinking" and "neurolinguistic programming", and is generally one of the most pointless individuals I've ever met.

 

This is a guy who will ditch my friend the moment it's not all sunshine, buttercups and perfect health. There's not an ounce of doubt in my mind about that. He will ditch her at the worst possible moment, he will do it in the most callous way imaginable. And she knows it. But she's going to carry on ignoring it until they come to that bridge - and (instead of crossing it with her), he throws her over the side.

Posted (edited)
Let's say you're driving in an SUV with your date, and you are running away from a person with a golf club chasing you.

 

You get into a car crash which significantly disfigured your date's appearance. You've been dating for maybe 3 months. Now you don't find that person attractive anymore, would you continue to date?

 

Ignore the scenario setup but concentrate on the question.

 

How long are you supposed to have been dating this person?

 

If you're in a long term relationship and walk away you're one messed up person, I mean, what reason do you have to be in a relationship if you're going to run when life does, well, what life sometimes does to someone you're bound to?

 

If you've been short term dating that person, I'd imagine that their dating life is one of the last things on their mind, and it would involve a lot more complications than whether you fancy them or not

Edited by Rudderless
Posted

are we talking about Tiger Woods here? No doubt emotionally disfigured after his car crash...

Posted
Let's say you're driving in an SUV with your date, and you are running away from a person with a golf club chasing you.

 

You get into a car crash which significantly disfigured your date's appearance. You've been dating for maybe 3 months. Now you don't find that person attractive anymore, would you continue to date?

 

Ignore the scenario setup but concentrate on the question.

 

I'd probably slowly shift her into the friends zone and stay good friends with her.

 

I know everyone on the forum wants it to be a fairytale where you stick with your date even when they get disfigured, but staying around with someone who is disfigured is something I would reserve for family members whom I have unconditional love for.

 

If I were to be disfigured, I won't expect my date to stick around with me. I would just make the best of my condition and move on to find someone who will accept me despite my looks. I have no illusions about the reality of the importance of physical appearances in a relationship, and those who thinks otherwise needs to really shop living in a Disney Princess movie. I stress 'physical appearance' and not 'physical beauty', so don't try and get the wrong idea.

Posted
Did it come as a shock when this guy abandoned you, or had you already figured that would be his reaction to your illness?

 

 

It was a complete shock at the time. In hindsight (and now that I'm with someone 100% different) I can see it clearly. At the time though... I was shocked.

Posted

Well, My husband developed epilespsy while we were dating and I still went ahead and married him. Admittedly, it didn't cause him to become physically disfigured, but lost his job, license, it was pretty damn stressful !

 

Some people thought I should have walked away : It never occured to me. Though we only had that year together before he died ( epileptics die at 24% great rate than the rest of the polulation, mostly due to accidents as this was, drowning) I don't regret it.........

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