Lost in Love

[knime32]

My boyfriend and I of 6 years broke up a week and a half ago and I'm left in a massive state of confusion. I've posted a few other posts, but the questions I have just keep coming.

 

Recap: We've been dating for 6 years. He started his career as a police office about a year ago and I graduated from college in May, but haven't been able to find a job. We were talking about moving in with one another and about settling down and starting a life together. He told several of our mutual couple friends that he was planning on proposing this fall. Now, we're not together, and he's telling me that he needs time and he needs time to find himself. What went wrong is the question I'm left asking myself repeatedly. I don't understand how we could be on this track one moment, and not the other. During all of our discussions, he was the one that initiated the discussion about a serious future but I happily agreed.

 

After the break-up I initiated NC but I continuously have the urge to contact him. He has contacted me twice to discuss exchanging our things but hasn't followed through on setting up a time. I know I have things that he really wants but he hasn't made any effort to come and get them. Does this mean that he really does want to come and get his things or is he really just taking time to find himself and has intentions of reconciling?

 

I just don't know what to do and think anymore. I keep distracting myself and filling my days with activiites and friends, but its not helping me.

 

We've broken up a time or two before but its been years since it happend and we were both younger and immature. I feel that we're in a different place right now and our relationship was great. I'm thinking that the fact that I've graduated and haven't found a job yet has caused stress in our relationship and has kept us from being able to move forward. I became down on myself from being rejected from jobs and became unhappy. I've now discovered that my unhappiness may have sent wrong signals to him and put extra stress on us that wasn't needed and I'm making a conscious effort to just not stress over it and be happy with myself again. When the time is right, everything will fall into place.

 

Am I completely out of my mind or does any of this make sense? I need some advice!

[Template]

I'm sorry to hear you are in this mental state. We've all been there, and the majority of us share the same plot to the same story. The relationship was going so great, the BAM, out of the blue he/she broke up with me.

 

What I've learned through my breakups, is that it's no use to try and find the answer. It will not help, and being in the state you are in, you will never find it acceptable as a justification. For instance; what if he did tell you that your unhappiness caused a strain. You'll just vow never to be unhappy again. You'll just negotiate your love, and that's not how love is supposed to be.

 

What you are doing right is keeping yourself busy, and trying to fill your days with things. Your breakup is only a 1 1/2 weeks old, so I don't think anyone expects you to even put up a brave front. You have to accept that as of right now it's over, and go through the natural process of grieving. Right now you have to concentrate on you, and what you should do.

 

Who knows, maybe he will return, and maybe he won't, but you always have to be prepared for the worst. Live YOUR life, and show him what's he's missing - this is really the best you can do. Hope this helps. In the meantime, lean on us... you'll be surprised on how a community of strangers actually helps out each other when we share the same plight.