knime32 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 My boyfriend and I of 6 years broke up a week and a half ago and I'm left in a massive state of confusion. I've posted a few other posts, but the questions I have just keep coming. Recap: We've been dating for 6 years. He started his career as a police office about a year ago and I graduated from college in May, but haven't been able to find a job. We were talking about moving in with one another and about settling down and starting a life together. He told several of our mutual couple friends that he was planning on proposing this fall. Now, we're not together, and he's telling me that he needs time and he needs time to find himself. What went wrong is the question I'm left asking myself repeatedly. I don't understand how we could be on this track one moment, and not the other. During all of our discussions, he was the one that initiated the discussion about a serious future but I happily agreed. After the break-up I initiated NC but I continuously have the urge to contact him. He has contacted me twice to discuss exchanging our things but hasn't followed through on setting up a time. I know I have things that he really wants but he hasn't made any effort to come and get them. Does this mean that he really does want to come and get his things or is he really just taking time to find himself and has intentions of reconciling? I just don't know what to do and think anymore. I keep distracting myself and filling my days with activiites and friends, but its not helping me. We've broken up a time or two before but its been years since it happend and we were both younger and immature. I feel that we're in a different place right now and our relationship was great. I'm thinking that the fact that I've graduated and haven't found a job yet has caused stress in our relationship and has kept us from being able to move forward. I became down on myself from being rejected from jobs and became unhappy. I've now discovered that my unhappiness may have sent wrong signals to him and put extra stress on us that wasn't needed and I'm making a conscious effort to just not stress over it and be happy with myself again. When the time is right, everything will fall into place. Am I completely out of my mind or does any of this make sense? I need some advice!
stayingstrong12 Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 im sorry to hear that well i think that you should do you and keep yourself busy yah know if it was meant to be it will be and the fact that he hasnt gotten his stuff yet might be a good sign although im confused about that too cuz me and my ex just broke up and i asked my stuff from him and he still hasnt given it to me and we dont talk at all. i think maybe you should just let him find himself maybe he wants to make sure your the one and moving in together is a good idea yah know?
CaliGuy Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 Read the links in my signature for a good place to start. The bottom line is right now you have be concerned with YOU and not him. As much as you love the guy, he has chosen to walk away and you need to get to a place where you're OK with that because if you pursue, chase and keep in contact, you'll simply delay your own healing and cause him to run away even more. We all have a point in time where we want the one who got away back, but in all honesty, it all comes down to this: "Why would you want to be with someone who does not want to be with you?" That simple little reminder is enough for me to snap back to reality and get my $%#@ in gear...
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