cognac Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 I finally broke it off with the girl. It's been 4 months since she said she "needed time" to get her stuff together, move out of her boyfriends place, etc. I got threats from her boyfriend who has a gun after he read some text messages. Later when I told her me and my friends could beat this guy down, she said "he's a big guy he would kill you", this is when I realized she was into this guy more than me. (when women concede the dominance of one man over another it is a sign of their attraction to the former man in my experience). It's been tearing me up for a while that we are not romantic and she keeps throwing the word "friend" around. She loves me and loves being around me, and when I mentioned that i couldn't deal with her being with another man she said "I don't think about the future anymore" and again used the "I need more time" line. I told her how I felt (and she felt the same way for a while) and she said "Chill out, we're just hanging out don't over think it". I told her to contact me when she had time for me, or not contact me at all. She was angry and claims it was making her sick that i was saying that, but I had to do it for my own mental health. It pains me deeply to do this but it's for the greater good. Did I do the right thing? Did she use me?
dreamergrl Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Didn't she break it off with you when she told you to call her when you grow up?
Author cognac Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 Didn't she break it off with you when she told you to call her when you grow up? She started talking to me again a few weeks after that. But after seeing her again I realized I am tired of not being completely romantic with her, I understand her financial situation but the icing on the cake was she took a trip to Colorado to see her friends. If she has money to do that I don't see how she doesn't have money to get her own apartment (not to mention she pays most of the rent at her current apartment). She just lost her motivation to be with me. It's not obvious, but I think she realized what she was doing (before the fight about my drunken calls) and it was really evil of her to keep dragging me along simply because I am fun to be around and make her laugh. You can't have your cake and eat it too.
dreamergrl Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Gee maybe she wasn't over your nasty drunk messages while she was grieving her dad's death. Maybe she likes you, but doesn't want to deal with the immaturity and your crappy attitude towards women. Maybe this other guy treats her with some respect. So what if she wants to go visit friends. It's her right. Who are you to tell her what she should do with her money?
Author cognac Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 Gee maybe she wasn't over your nasty drunk messages while she was grieving her dad's death. Maybe she likes you, but doesn't want to deal with the immaturity and your crappy attitude towards women. Maybe this other guy treats her with some respect.[/Quote] I could tell she was no longer physically attracted to me last time I saw her. Can't explain it, but I've been feeling that for a while before and after the nasty drunk messages. By the way, we listened to the messages together, and she realized that I wasn't saying anything nasty at all, like I presumed. And please don't make this about my attitude towards women. When she got the flu her boyfriend MOVED OUT OF THE APARTMENT (i went over to take care of her instead) for a week, treats her like she's crap, etc. The only difference is he's older than me, makes good money, physically more attractive , and has big muscles and THAT is why she chose him. On the other hand all I have is my personality and sense of humor, she figured she could have both so she gave me false hopes in order to make me stick around and fulfill that void she was feeling without having to do anything for me in return. So what if she wants to go visit friends. It's her right. Who are you to tell her what she should do with her money? I agree completely. But if you tell me you will be getting your own apartment soon, don't do it, and then go on a fancy vacation, I can assume it's not a financial issue but rather a motivation one.
dreamergrl Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 It is your attitude. Other wise you wouldn't have pulled that stunt during a tough time for her. And if she rather have money to do some things she wants to do instead of getting her own place right at the moment, so what. That is her business. Some people compromise things to enjoy life. I'd love to live alone, but not at the expense of not being able to do the things I want to do or at the expense of putting aside other goals. Bottom line though is that you were nasty to her at a time she needed you most. Just because you did something good previously makes it okay to do something mean later on.
DustySaltus Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 You have to move on. The stakes are only going to get higher and higher. This guy has a gun? WTF, why would you even want to deal with that? Are you ready to risk your life to be with this woman??? And as far as the "oh he's bigger than you...blah, blah, blah" it doesn't mean anything in the big picture. No woman is worth this kind of headache. We're not even getting into the games she's playing either. You got to move on.
Author cognac Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 You have to move on. The stakes are only going to get higher and higher. This guy has a gun? WTF, why would you even want to deal with that? Are you ready to risk your life to be with this woman??? And as far as the "oh he's bigger than you...blah, blah, blah" it doesn't mean anything in the big picture. No woman is worth this kind of headache. We're not even getting into the games she's playing either. You got to move on. Thanks for the words of support Dusty. My heart disagrees, but my mind and dignity want to break it off with this woman.
DustySaltus Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Thanks for the words of support Dusty. My heart disagrees, but my mind and dignity want to break it off with this woman. I know what you mean, sometimes love is not a rational thing. Just be careful.
BUENG1 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 I finally broke it off with the girl. It's been 4 months since she said she "needed time" to get her stuff together, move out of her boyfriends place, etc. I got threats from her boyfriend who has a gun after he read some text messages. Later when I told her me and my friends could beat this guy down, she said "he's a big guy he would kill you", this is when I realized she was into this guy more than me. (when women concede the dominance of one man over another it is a sign of their attraction to the former man in my experience). It's been tearing me up for a while that we are not romantic and she keeps throwing the word "friend" around. She loves me and loves being around me, and when I mentioned that i couldn't deal with her being with another man she said "I don't think about the future anymore" and again used the "I need more time" line. I told her how I felt (and she felt the same way for a while) and she said "Chill out, we're just hanging out don't over think it". I told her to contact me when she had time for me, or not contact me at all. She was angry and claims it was making her sick that i was saying that, but I had to do it for my own mental health. It pains me deeply to do this but it's for the greater good. Did I do the right thing? Did she use me? I think she did use you. Do you know how long she was with her boyfriend? Regardless she doesn't sound like friend material, not even close to relationship material. I would tell her to get lost.
callingyouuu Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 From what I understand, I assume she's still living with her boyfriend? If she seemed to be taking steps to move away from the hunky guy with money and big guns, I think it would be worth waiting for the romance to come around. Otherwise, she's just not interested. It's not even unclear; it's in her actions and her words. You're just a friend to her. It just sounds like she doesn't want to make any effort to be with you in that way. I think you're making the right decision.
Author cognac Posted December 10, 2009 Author Posted December 10, 2009 From what I understand, I assume she's still living with her boyfriend? If she seemed to be taking steps to move away from the hunky guy with money and big guns, I think it would be worth waiting for the romance to come around. Otherwise, she's just not interested. It's not even unclear; it's in her actions and her words. You're just a friend to her. It just sounds like she doesn't want to make any effort to be with you in that way. I think you're making the right decision. Well I am a retard, she convinced me to atleast be friends with her. I'm going to keep her around in case she ever is in a position to be with me, if not , that's alright too. I poured my heart out to her and she talked to me for an hour and told me her love was with me. When I asked her if she was just patronizing me, she said she isn't THAT nice to lie about something like that. She has yet to lie to me so I'll be dumb and reluctantly believe her. IN HER defense, she has been through a lot. Passing of her father, losing her job, failing in school, I can see why she would need time. The original plan may have had to be put on wait because of all these terrible things she's been going through. I'll try and be understanding about it, and honestly can't imagine having no contact with her at all. I'll let her settle things one at a time.
Johnny M Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 I told her to contact me when she had time for me, or not contact me at all. She was angry and claims it was making her sick that i was saying that, but I had to do it for my own mental health. It pains me deeply to do this but it's for the greater good. Did I do the right thing? Did she use me? Yes, you absolutely did the right thing. That woman didn't love you; she just wanted you around because she was afraid of being lonely.
Author cognac Posted December 10, 2009 Author Posted December 10, 2009 Yes, you absolutely did the right thing. That woman didn't love you; she just wanted you around because she was afraid of being lonely. I could've taken her sexually on 3 occasions but didn't because it's not right. (even though her boyfriend's a scumbag) Now I am regretting it deeply, I really hope doing the right thing isn't detrimental in "the game".
Johnny M Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 I could've taken her sexually on 3 occasions but didn't because it's not right. (even though her boyfriend's a scumbag) Now I am regretting it deeply, I really hope doing the right thing isn't detrimental in "the game". I don't understand. What was it not right to have sex with her?
boogieboy Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 I could've taken her sexually on 3 occasions but didn't because it's not right. (even though her boyfriend's a scumbag) Now I am regretting it deeply, I really hope doing the right thing isn't detrimental in "the game". Its a good thing you DIDNT have sex with her, you probably would have been more attached. Now leave this dopey woman alone and stop believing her lies. Dont keep her around, its never going to get any better as long as she controls the relationship between you two. Cut her off for good, if you dont, you'll miss the girl who will actually treat you right.
Author cognac Posted December 10, 2009 Author Posted December 10, 2009 Its a good thing you DIDNT have sex with her, you probably would have been more attached. Now leave this dopey woman alone and stop believing her lies. Dont keep her around, its never going to get any better as long as she controls the relationship between you two. Cut her off for good, if you dont, you'll miss the girl who will actually treat you right. I have yet to catch her in a lie so I have no reason not to trust her. And I'm still open to another woman if she comes along. I'm just keeping this one on the back burner for when she is available. Honestly, most other women don't interest me because I can't be myself around the vast majority of women (except this one, even on a friendly basis).
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