FabulousLadee Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Me and my ex have a history of drama. We were together for a year and "OFFICIALLY" broke up last November 08 BUT we went through that off/on stage all of 2009. We tried at it again for the VERY VERY last time the last week in October 09 and I told him that was it. I even got a tattoo on my wrist saying to never go back…that’s how hard it’s been for me. We got into a really big argument on Halloween and I officially removed myself from the situation. The last word that came out of my mouth to him was “F?#$ You!” I was sooo hurt. He has tried to reach out to me through text mssging, emails, and a couple of phone calls since then but I haven’t responded. It’s been about a month and some change since we’ve last spoken. His birthday is coming up this weekend and he sent me a text mssg this past Friday inviting me to his party. It wasn’t specifically to me..it was subjected to “Family and Friends” but my instincts tell me that he MEANT to send that to me. He tried texting me late Sunday night AND Monday afternoon but just text “Hello”. Like..what am I supposed to say back to that?! To be honest with you all…after all we have been through in the last 2 years..I still love him very much and I’m still in love with him…so I WANT to go to the party. BUT I question his sincerity and if there is a motive. What if he just wants to see if I’ll come? What if he has a date or another interest there? Should I contact him and just ask him? Or should I just show up? Or not go at all? And his family and friends are going to be there..who know me..and know that I’m the EX?! I just don’t want to be humiliated. What should I do?!!!!!!
betrayed2 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 I dont have much advice to offer as i still have very strong ties to my ex even tho we went thru alot to. if you think it can work, go.
xerofate Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 NO. Do NOT go. He does not get to have you as his secuirty blanket anymore. He does not get to share his happy moments with you anymore. He does not get to make you sweat about this stuff. You broke it off with him. You are the power seat. If he is so interested in seeing you, and you truly want to see him, it should NOT be at his birthday party. But I reccommend continuing NC. There was obviously a lot of things going on, an dyou need time to reflect on that.
argann Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 I'm on the fence. I think he has tried a fair amount of ways to contact you. It's tought to questions his sincerity. I think only you can answer that one. If it was me, and I was in his shoes, I'd drive my happy backside to your house and that would be the final yes/no. But the bday makes me think he wants you there just whether it's because it's a special moment in his life and he wants to share it or he doesn't want to be alone. I'd think after this much time you both could step up and either stay commited or roll on.
puppydog Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 I say no. If he really REALLY wanted to meet up with you, he should ask to meet up separately. For my own pride sake I just wouldn't go. Do you really want to be the "ex" at the birthday party that showed up?
Author FabulousLadee Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 I honestly don’t know what to do. See…he knows me. He knows that this would be wrecking my brain. That’s why he did it. I almost wish that he would have never sent it to me. I mean..of course I knew his birthday was this weekend but I never in a million years would think he’d want me to come to his party. The ONLY reason why I am leaning towards going is because my instincts tell me that he wouldn’t put me in that kind of position to where there is another woman there for him….if he doesn’t want any drama on his birthday. I mean..I wouldn’t cause a scene but I would definitely exchange words with him just because he put me in that position and invited me to a party he knew he would have another woman at. That would be a terrible mistake. Then if I don’t let him know I’m coming..and just show up…he might have someone there with him because he didn’t think I was coming. Trust me. I’m sure he has PLENTY of options. UGH..It kills me how much I still love him. And it kills me that I can’t make up my mind.
argann Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Fab, It's tough. My birthday is this weekend and she broke it off with me. I'm wondering if she will send me anyting or show up to my party. It sucks but you said you want to know his sincerity. I would think it would come from something other than an invite to your birthday party. Then again you said he knows you and he might feel you'll be obligated which could be why he asked you anyway. Kind of a catch 22. Maybe look at the other side. What he'll think by you NOT showing up. While he has plenty of options so do you. Plenty of good movies, books, friends and soup kitches that need help. Love hurts for a reason and you can't just walk away like it never happened. Emotions are always something so hard to control. Then again if life were easy everyone would be doing it and not have any issues.
Beeotch Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 (edited) Me and my ex have a history of drama. We were together for a year and "OFFICIALLY" broke up last November 08 BUT we went through that off/on stage all of 2009. We tried at it again for the VERY VERY last time the last week in October 09 and I told him that was it. I even got a tattoo on my wrist saying to never go back…that’s how hard it’s been for me. We got into a really big argument on Halloween and I officially removed myself from the situation. The last word that came out of my mouth to him was “F?#$ You!” I was sooo hurt. He has tried to reach out to me through text mssging, emails, and a couple of phone calls since then but I haven’t responded. It’s been about a month and some change since we’ve last spoken. His birthday is coming up this weekend and he sent me a text mssg this past Friday inviting me to his party. It wasn’t specifically to me..it was subjected to “Family and Friends” but my instincts tell me that he MEANT to send that to me. He tried texting me late Sunday night AND Monday afternoon but just text “Hello”. Like..what am I supposed to say back to that?! To be honest with you all…after all we have been through in the last 2 years..I still love him very much and I’m still in love with him…so I WANT to go to the party. BUT I question his sincerity and if there is a motive. What if he just wants to see if I’ll come? What if he has a date or another interest there? Should I contact him and just ask him? Or should I just show up? Or not go at all? And his family and friends are going to be there..who know me..and know that I’m the EX?! I just don’t want to be humiliated. What should I do?!!!!!! The last part of your post sums it up...there seems to be waaaaay more cons. I personally would not risk all of that for a party. Overall if you've tattooed it on your writs never to go back....it must be something serious....so I suggest you stick to your resolution. It is a lottt easier to keep moving forward, although hard, than constantly going back and forth. Half the time, the one moment of seeeeeming sincerity lasts for a short time and then you're stuck with months and months of pain. Edited December 9, 2009 by Beeotch
puppydog Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Trust me on this. If my ex and i broke up before his bday, i would still NOT GO even if he hand-delivered an invitation. You guys aren't together right now. It doesn't clear up the situation any more by you going.
Author FabulousLadee Posted December 10, 2009 Author Posted December 10, 2009 Okay..so I called him. He works nights and I knew he’d probably be resting but I called anyway. He answered the phone and I basically went right into it. I told him that I received his invite to the party and the other texts, emails, and such. I told him that I was questioning whether he meant to send the invite to me and whether I should go or not. So I wanted to cut to the chase and just call and ask. It’s really hard for me to play games and fake how I feel. And being a 31 year old woman..I don’t have time for that..lol Anyway… He told me YES..He meant to sent it to me and that he would like for me to be there. Second, I told him that I had to be totally honest with him and ask him if he will have a date or if there will be interests there because if it is..I will be uncomfortable. He told me No..that he doesn’t have a date. I asked him did he know how it was going to be..and he said he doesn’t know how it’s going to be. He let a lot of people know about the party. In my mind..I’m thinking..well of course it’s not just going to be all males there..I know that. Mind you..during this whole conversation..he is calling me “baby” and “boo” like we just talked yesterday. Anyway..so he stops right there and asked if it was okay if he could call me when he wakes up. I told him yes. And we hung up. So there…I did my part. If he calls back..I’ll go from there. If he doesn’t, that’s my answer. It was already an extreme stretch for me to call anyway so that’s it.
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