thatguy90 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 I am just curious, what is NC? Like I know it stands for no communication, but how far should i go with it? Like if I go on msn, and she is on and starts to talk to me, or she texts me, or she contacts me in anyway or form, if I respond does it break no communication?
alphamale Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Like I know it stands for no communication, it stands for No Contact
Author thatguy90 Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 But does No Contact work when she still cares about you and wants to be friends, but at the same time she wants you to be apart of her future, but at the same time she likes another guy.
xerofate Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 I hate to ssay it, but I think she is just leading you on. Similar circumstance here. She's keeping you around to keep her options open. If things don't work with the first guy, then she'll come back to you. Trust me. It's gonna suck. Break it off now. Be glad you don't have achild with her like I have with mine. No contact means no contact. If she does any of that stuff, be civil. But I am not accepting any calls from my ex. If it is important, something about my daughter, then I will listen to the VM and call back. If it is not about my daughter, she may or may not get a text back, depending on the situation.
So_Sick78 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 I agree with xerofate, sounds like she's leading you on. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. My ex strung me along for 2.5 months before I got the strength to go NC it was hard, but very helpful. I ended up breaking it a week ago and I'm right back where I started. Go NC as long as you need to heal. Good luck
Author thatguy90 Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 Well here is the thing ... apart of me thinks she is leading me on ... but another part thinks she still deep down inside of her likes me. She also told me that she likes hearing from me and talking to me about anything i want to talk about. Like she has said to me, this was after i told her that i was sorry for putting her through what i had put her through. She turned and said " Stop putting your self through this, hate me for what i had done to you, hate me for the selfish person i was ..." also i asked her about her calling me the perfect guy, she said "you are ... but right now you are only focusing on what went wrong between us .. and if you can't get over me and stop blaming yourself then you will never be fun again" Why does she care that I am fun? I think that she means ... you were perfect for me, try not to focus on what went wrong between us and to just get past this and for us to start off as friends again and see how things go, you were perfect for me, and in the future if we are together i would like to spend the rest of my life with you, as long as you let our past go, and let us restart as friends. Is that what she is saying? or is that her really truelly trying to lead me on?
Author thatguy90 Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 please note ... i have gone with NC (she did call me once during this time but she was lost and i didn't read the phone number before picking it up) ... for 12 days now.
xerofate Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 I'm again kinda in the same boat. She said she wanted to be friends, and I did the whole friends thing. She said she wanted to take things one day at a time, to see where it went. It went to her having a boyfriend behind my back for god knows how long. IF she does truly care about you, she will show it. She has feelings for this other guy. Let her work through those. You work on your feelings. You might find out you don't want to be with her if she is going to do this to you. At least, that is what I am hoping and praying for myself.
argann Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Keep moving forward. As said don't let her use you. If she wants it bad enough she'll roll up to your door and want it to work. Any one can call or send a txt (how impersonal). Someone who really wants it will jump in front of your moving car and say what they really want. Love hurts and it sucks when you have to pick yourself up. Keep having fun and doing what makes you happy outside of your old relationship. You'll be better and get some time outside the box. Good luck!
Author thatguy90 Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 Well this is where there is a problem, at the time i was emotionally overwhelmed, I don't remember much of what I have said. Can it also be that she is scared, just shortly after we broke up, she said "If we do get back together, we would have to be friends first, I don't want to jump right back into a relationship", her previous boy friend and her did jump back into things, and well what happened was that they constantly fought, and everything. She first wants me to forgive her(Which right now I still have not fully forgiven her), Let her go (By me writing still on this blog I have not gotten over her), be friends with her and be me in front of her, and if she see's the guy she wants and I see the girl that I want, we will be back together. I just think she is right, I will be friends with her, not now, but in the future, once I am over her, so we won't fight, so I will be me again in front of her, and for her to see who I am again, she had not had fun with me in a long time, I just think that one of the key things and what I also want in a partner is to have fun with them, to enjoy life with them.
Author thatguy90 Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 Yes leaving me at my lowest was wrong of her ... she admits that she did leave me at my lowest and says that she was selfish of doing that. So it puts me in a funny position, she admits all her faults in ending the relationship ... asking me to hate her for it and then in time to forgive her for it, so I can be fun again. She said she would have lied and said she had cheated on me to get me over her faster, but that would destroy all my trust in her and it would be a lie. She wants me to trust her, she wants me to forgive her, she wants me as her friend, and if its meant to be in her future, which she does admit to still dream about it. Can some one help me make sense of this?
alphamale Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 But does No Contact work when she still cares about you and wants to be friends, but at the same time she wants you to be apart of her future, but at the same time she likes another guy. thats when NC works the best
Author thatguy90 Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 Yeah, that is basically why I have gone with NC. "xerofate" I hope the best for you man, that is abusive of her to do something like that. I read some of your posts, I feel for you man.
Author thatguy90 Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 Hi CalieGuy, I have read you links, and it has helped me understand more about NC. Well from what I have gathered and know about her. The best thing I can do right now, is test her word, if she meant any thing she has said, NC will prove to me different things. Will you agree with me what she has said she has to prove and NC will help prove those words?
Author thatguy90 Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 But my only question ... is why did she say everything she did? I do believe her, she wouldn't have said anything that she did if she did not mean it. But everything that she has said is right now, as I get now why she said "if we are meant to be" ... because its true ... if we are meant to be once we are both done university, and done doing different things ... we will get back together. That's if she does not find someone else, and I don't find another girl. That is why she want's to be friends, yes its sorta makes me the "Plan B" ... But at the same time she is making herself a "Plan B" on my plate. The only thing I can do is NC until she tries to communicate with me, and if we hang around is to be who I am, not a lover not a depressed person, but me. I will keep updating every now and again if needed, but I hope this is my last post for any of my problems.
adamt Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 NC is about yourself. Giving yourself the power to take back control. To begin to heal and sort your head out. to go cold turkey and come out of it a stronger more independent person. A side effect might be the ex comes back but that is small chance of happening and not something you should be looking to do. To continue to break NC is jsut like picking a scab over and over again that will never heal and sometimes ends up in a worse mess
Trinitron Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Dude, whenever this: She said she wanted to take things one day at a time ..................is uttered, run far away and start NC ASAP. Trinitron
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