julia81 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 here is my story.. i have always been a slightly insecure person. i didnt have many friends in school or college and i chose my own company most times. about 5 years ago i met a man at work who was 41, i was 24 years then. we became very friendly and started to share things. i felt so happy at that time because here was one person who understood me well without being judgmental and his maturity levels helped me to cope with my insecurities. over these years i was happy to have him as a friend and about 2 years ago i fell in love with me. i still dont know what kindof love it was. it was a great feeling. but he obviously felt that our age difference was a lot and in the long run it wasnt fair on me and that i should date someone my age. but we still stayed friends and everything was lovely. around that same time i met a young man, who was my age (we both 27) and he fell in love with me. he proposed to me after much thinking i said yes to him and we got married about an year ago. my older friend was indeed happy for me and wished me luck. after i got married, he stopped being freindly with me of course because he felt that i should now share a bond with my husband.. but now my problem is that i still love my older friend. and it pains a lot to see him everyday at work being ONLY professional with me. i miss our friendship and his maturity to handle my problems and emotions. its been almost 1 year now and we have never talked anything at a personal level. and i feel an emptiness all the time. my husband is a great man and loves me a lot but i dont appreciate it. i have loving parents, a loving husband but i pine for my older friend who was in a way a guiding light for me and my life for more than 3+ years. i am afraid that no on can match his presence in my life, not even my husband. i feel empty all the time, sad and depressed. without having my friend in my life - i feel nothing. i have no feeling for anything or anyone. i am living my life in a robotic manner - doing those necessary things which everyone else expects me to. but deep inside i am finished and empty and sad. day in and day out i am only recalling all the good times we have shared during our friendship. i feel so sad sometimes, i cry and think why everything in life is fleeting and why we cant have what we want. i m 28 now. i am not living my life like i should. i am miserable and unhappy what should i do...
nobmagnet Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 get to the doctors my love. You sound depressed and in need of help. Councilling and medication (not everyones choice ) will make the world of diference to you. It sounds like you need to understand and like yourself a whole lot more. Your marriage is important and your husband deserves all of you. Is there a possiblitity you could change jobs? seeing this man is not helping your marriage one bit. Get some help as soon as you can before your husband twigs you are not 100% his. good luck xx
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