kimmi Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Day 3 of NC and I woke up thinking of him (I think because he did not try to call me last night). I do not want to call him but the thought of never talking to him again makes me scared and nervous. I am shaking and feeling abnormal right now. I know in my heart that this is the best for myself, I do have to move on in life but this feels like the hardest task to complete. I know he never wants to get back with me and with the way that he treats me and talks to me while we are together is just wrong. I am sitting here thinking of all the negative things that has happened in our old relationship but then they always lead to the positive things that he brought into my life. I do not hate him, I still do love him however I know when it is time to break free. I have had 2 other long relationships in my life that were longer and harder to deal with and I walked away, Why am I finding it so hard with this one? After reading on here all day yesterday I have taken all the information and applied it, Removed him from my facebook, took him off of my Ims, I even deleted his phone number (I know it off by heart same one for 8 years) but I still did it. All answer are so welcome, advise if you have any please forward it to me to make the ext few days easier, I have a feeling it will be a rough go around.
nobmagnet Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 i have been nc for 3 weeks.He callled last night to speak to the kids and I was actually fine about it!!!!!! I know you are not me and NC can be extreamly hard but once you gain a little strenghth it really will put you on the road to recovery. Try to distract yourself, buy new clothes, new hair do, make an effort to go out if you can. Pretend you are happy and sometimes you realise your not pretending anymore. Its crappy. I send you a massive hug x
Zansatsu Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Definitely find things you enjoy doing. When you find yourself lost in thoughts of contact, purposely get up and find something else to do. The trick is to break yourself out of the pattern. Forcing yourself to get up and move and distract yourself will definitely be a great first step. It will be rough for the first month or two (it took me longer) but if you find yourself hanging out with your friends and getting out more, everything will start easing. It gets better each day, even if you aren't fully aware of it. Just stick to your guns and keep moving. *hugs*
Author kimmi Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 Thanks, It is so hard right now, I am sick and can not leave my place. Plus it is COLD here ... I wish I could go out shopping that would rock right now. Once I am not so sick then I know I will be going out and doing things again. We broke up 6 months ago, Just got through my what would have been 8 years the DDAY. I was invited out by his friends this weekend.. Kinda weird givin that I never really talk to them, all I said is if he is there then no I can not go , Knowing them I have a feeling that he just might show up there, I already told them that if he does then I am leaving without notice. (also kinda helps because this one friend is going through the exact same thing). I'm just trying to understand these crazy feelings. I have 3 kids and I could deal with the fathers no problem at all. Never had this happen. Maybe the older some gets the weaker we get .. HA HA just Kidding.. Thank you for the Hugs.
Zansatsu Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Thanks, It is so hard right now, I am sick and can not leave my place. Plus it is COLD here ... I wish I could go out shopping that would rock right now. Once I am not so sick then I know I will be going out and doing things again. We broke up 6 months ago, Just got through my what would have been 8 years the DDAY. Aww I'm sorry to hear that you have a cold and that it IS cold! I knew a lovely lady from Edmonton once, she's a sweetheart. I hope you feel better soon! Stress causes an immune drop so if this is eating you, that could explain the cold... partially anyway. Feel better! Aniversaries are evil after a break-up. That's why I taught myself to stop remembering dates... but I'm just crazy like that. I was invited out by his friends this weekend.. Kinda weird givin that I never really talk to them, all I said is if he is there then no I can not go , Knowing them I have a feeling that he just might show up there, I already told them that if he does then I am leaving without notice. (also kinda helps because this one friend is going through the exact same thing). This sounds too much like an old ploy. If his friends are inviting you out of the blue, be very suspicious. I'm just trying to understand these crazy feelings. I have 3 kids and I could deal with the fathers no problem at all. Never had this happen. Maybe the older some gets the weaker we get .. HA HA just Kidding.. Oxytocin, the neurotransmitter that is released during a bonding will make you high as a kite, and give you withdrawal like a crack fiend. The only thing you can do is find pleasurable situations to help alleviate the pain. Look at it this way, at least you aren't numb... that is much harder to deal with. I've been there on that. Grieve and remember that the way you feel is ok, you are allowed to be upset and never let anyone tell you differently (this may appear obvious, but to some people it isn't). Thank you for the Hugs. *hugs**hugs**hugs**hugs**hugs**hugs**hugs**hugs**hugs*
Author kimmi Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 The friends inviting me out makes me feel kinda funny too. I said that I would go.This invite happened on day 1 of NC and I did not inform them that I was doing this. Now after hearing the ways that he has changed I am not to sure I will be there. I think that it is weird, Apparently when they all go out ex included, everyone ends up getting mad at him because he just stands there does not talk to anyone and does not dance they say that he pouts all night because he has to talk to the girls and can not just bring them home, when he does talk to them (did it once) , they also get mad at him because of his lack of respect for woman. He is the kind of guy that has started to walk up to girls and straight out ask for there number no matter where he is, Food shopping at the mall, he is more mad that he is still single and complains about it non stop. he told me that he was asking a few girls out for dinner one night when he was at safeway , when he tells me things like this I do not get mad/angry it's almost like I do not care. Thanks for the Hugs .... Being sick really does suck ... lol
nobmagnet Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 try internet shopping for clothes! you can always send them back...hahaha. Get a girlfreind round to helpyou choose and the round again to try them on. Colds suck agreed. i am with you on the whole break up thing. I didnt feel this way about any other break up. I have 3 kids too and if it werent for them I would have gone completely to peices. hope your cold eases soon! hug hug hug hahaha
Author kimmi Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 Well one thing came out positive with this break up ... LOL the girl across the hall came here after not seeing me for 4 months and said OMG your SKINNY!!lol Ya I lost 60 pounds, I was over weight a bit, Now I have a smile on my face because did not have to pay for Jenny or the watchers.. Yes I did it the healthy stated watching what I was eating, Took smaller portions and cut out fast foods. Started walking more because I do not have the truck anymore.. YEAH!!! Ok so now it is shopping time!!! LOL rewards for good going ... ((hugs)) You said that you knew someone in Edmonton? How did you meet the person here? Just wondering that's all.. I love Edmonton I will never move again..
Zansatsu Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Well one thing came out positive with this break up ... LOL the girl across the hall came here after not seeing me for 4 months and said OMG your SKINNY!!lol Ya I lost 60 pounds, I was over weight a bit, Now I have a smile on my face because did not have to pay for Jenny or the watchers.. Yes I did it the healthy stated watching what I was eating, Took smaller portions and cut out fast foods. Started walking more because I do not have the truck anymore.. YEAH!!! Ok so now it is shopping time!!! LOL rewards for good going ... ((hugs)) Congratulations! You have been taking care of yourself despite your pain. I would say you are well on your way! You said that you knew someone in Edmonton? How did you meet the person here? Just wondering that's all.. I love Edmonton I will never move again.. Yeah, I met her playing Ragnarok Online back in the day (about 7 years ago) and we really hit it off. Unfortunately, because of the distance, we never worked out, but I've always had fond memories of her. If she ever became single and I could find work up there... and she was willing... she wouldn't have to wait long on me. But she seems happy with her life as it is and I'm happy for her. We still talk occasionally. She's 'the one that got away' for me. *hugs* *hugs* *hugs*
Author kimmi Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 Aww, She's the one that got away , That's sad .. I hope that you see her again or meet her
Zansatsu Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Aww, She's the one that got away , That's sad .. I hope that you see her again or meet her I know where to find her and she knows where to find me. It's just the circumstances have changed. I just want her to be happy. Thank you for the well wishes.
Author kimmi Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 How weird is this now? The one in my life that got away suddenly just started to chat with me this morning after 9 years of non communication .. I moved across Canada to be with him and after 2 weeks it did not work out .. He is saying sorry to me, I told him that it hurt however I forgave him a long time ago because I do not like to live life feeling mad at people, He came back with Damn you rock, I thought you would never talk to me again ... Funny how life is hey...
Zansatsu Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 How weird is this now? The one in my life that got away suddenly just started to chat with me this morning after 9 years of non communication .. I moved across Canada to be with him and after 2 weeks it did not work out .. He is saying sorry to me, I told him that it hurt however I forgave him a long time ago because I do not like to live life feeling mad at people, He came back with Damn you rock, I thought you would never talk to me again ... Funny how life is hey... When one door closes, another opens. Keep your head up sweetpea.
nobmagnet Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 shister!!!! my far away fella got intouch with me after 9 years. 2 days after my lowly worm was kicked out!!! spooky xx
Zansatsu Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 (edited) shister!!!! my far away fella got intouch with me after 9 years. 2 days after my lowly worm was kicked out!!! spooky xx I've walked into that a couple of times myself... it is very ironic. Makes me wonder sometimes. 100th post! Woot! Edited December 9, 2009 by Zansatsu 100th post. :)
Author kimmi Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 I know we are on web cam right now laughing our heads off.. so weird
adamt Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 NC is not something that gets results in days or weeks. It takes months and months of NC to get yourself feeling better. Stay NC indefinately. there is no reason to break NC. it just makes you worse. keep yourself ultra busy to take your mind of staying NC
Author kimmi Posted December 10, 2009 Author Posted December 10, 2009 I do understand that it is not a over night "cure" and I understand that it will be hard . It's not like I hated him, I had a lot of love for 7.5 years. That's why it made it that far. People come here for support when they are having a bad day and that is what I was having a bad day. Thanks anyways
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