Jump to content

sinking with guilt..should i apologize? female dumpers

eternal.denied84

By eternal.denied84
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

eternal.denied84 Established Member

eternal.denied84

Posted
Posted (edited)

I brokeup with my girl close to 20 days before..infact this breakup process was going from a long long time..i was kind of not accepting it.

 

she gave me numerous different reasons when she was breaking up..first its her parents,then my attitude is wrong,then she put all blame on me saying all the bad things i did to her while we were together,then we are not compatible,then she wants to live alone and blah blah..so i was analyzing and analyzing whats that which i can correct to get her back and due to that i could not realize that she was just letting me down softly.

 

finally it reached to the point when she started saying she never loved me..and i should just get away..when i asked her for all the love we shared..she said that grow up..those things doesnt matter to her..just bcoz she use to say forever that doesnt mean we are meant for forever..basically she put me in a situation where if look back..whatever she did for me from past 1 year came out to be illusion.

 

while we were going through this..i came to know that she had told me a big lie about her past relation..she told me that she was not physically involved in past..but it was not true .when i confronted her..she accepted that yes she was lying..i was totally heartbroken.

 

i stopped talking to her for couple of days then collecting all the strength i called her and asked i am reday to forget everything and trust her again..would she take me back..she said straightaway NO..i was so furious and shatterd..and i was feeling so low..coz i was thinking she should beg me and she should ask for getting back considering the fact that she lied to me all this time.

 

but her attitude was kindof dont care..she said these things dont matter to her much and i shud grow up..even i was not getting upset that she had physical relationship in past..i was getting pissed on her audacity to lie and then acting as if she didnt do anything wrong..

 

flashback: while we were going out..once i found her chat with some guy flirting to a very cheap extent..and going with him to some place at night..

 

so when i was asking her to get back..i confronted her saying if i wud have not seen your chat probably you would have gone ahead with that guy..isnt it..she said YES..i was like shattered into pieces.

 

now i dont know why did she say all those things to me..may be she just wanted to get rid of me by any means..

 

i got so furious that i abused her..and called her a high profile pros******..and hang up the phone..suddenly i realized that what did i do ..i called her again..and said sorry..she said its okay..she has no hard feelings..at this point i knew..she just want to get rid by any means.. after that i sent a sorry mail to her for bad words i said..just a single line sorry..mentioning that ur attitude at that time forced me to say those things for which i wud never forgive myself.

 

 

my problem: 3 weeks have passed and still everyday i sink with guilt feelings..how come i can say those mean words to someone whom i loved so much.I am on NC with her..to maintain my dignity.

 

should i apologize to her once more? or was my action normal considering the situation in which i was put up to?

 

ofcourse i want to get back her but that is not bothering me much than my guilt..even if she doesnt come back thats okay..I feel that if i apologize to her one more time she wud feel i am being selfish and i am ding this coz i wnat her back..which is not the truth.

 

on the other hand i feel that its okay..i have apologized once and thats enough..she doesnt deserve me being so nice with her..if she crushed my hurt and didnt bother..just bcoz she wanted to breakup..why should i let myself down by apologizing once more.?

Edited by eternal.denied84
  • Author
eternal.denied84 Established Member

eternal.denied84

Posted
  • Author
Posted

any reply would be appreciated guyz..

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

Continue NC and don't apologize. Tell me about how she apologized for her lies and indiscretions. The first point of respect is self-respect. Best wishes :)

Ronni_W Established Member

Ronni_W

Posted
Posted
I feel that if i apologize to her one more time she wud feel i am being selfish

Trust your instinct on that. ONLY apologize again IF you want her to see you as being selfish.

In any case, one apology is enough. More apologies will not assuage your guilt; only your self-forgiveness will do that.

 

Holding onto and nurturing your guilt feelings does not make you more noble or valuable as a human being -- it's perfectly fine to give yourself permission to let them go.

Or. You could work it from a different angle: What benefits are you getting out of holding onto them? How are they improving your life, and feelings of self-esteem? What would you be feeling if you were NOT feeling guilt?

  • Author
eternal.denied84 Established Member

eternal.denied84

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Trust your instinct on that. ONLY apologize again IF you want her to see you as being selfish.

In any case, one apology is enough. More apologies will not assuage your guilt; only your self-forgiveness will do that.

 

Holding onto and nurturing your guilt feelings does not make you more noble or valuable as a human being -- it's perfectly fine to give yourself permission to let them go.

Or. You could work it from a different angle: What benefits are you getting out of holding onto them? How are they improving your life, and feelings of self-esteem? What would you be feeling if you were NOT feeling guilt?

 

@ Ronnie ..I believe you have read my other posts as well..I see your post here

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t212694/

where you have blamed me for my breakup

 

after reading above post of mine..now do you think that i am not completely to be blamed for this breakup??

 

i really feel very bad for whatever happened..and i want to work it out..but what wonders me is why my girl is not at all interested for the same..has he found someone else?

.is it wrong on my part if i am sitting here and feeling bad for everything if she is just not willing to give me other chance?

 

sometimes i think she might also be as hurt as i am and i should talk to her..but when i recap the things happened everytime i tried to work out..i take a step back..coz everytime it was me who tried and tried..and she has been very adamant about her decision..the result was always me getting hurt and then saying bad things about her and then repenting later on.

 

why do i care for/love/miss a girl who just do not want to be with me anymore?

Armani New Member

Armani

Posted
Posted

Do NOT apologise again!! she broke up with you and then upset you enough for you to want to hurt her back. she has heard your apology once and contacting her again is going to sound like you need her forgiveness, meaning she has control over your emotions, and she will know this!!! NC from now on. and seeing as she was the dumper, your verbal attack probably wont effect her as much as you think.

 

best leave it be for now.

Ronni_W Established Member

Ronni_W

Posted
Posted

eternal.denied,

I'm not in any position to blame you for anything! In your other thread, I restated what you had said in your original post; my opinions (my interpretation of the facts that YOU gave) of why she isn't interested in working things out or being with you any longer.

 

why do i care for/love/miss a girl who just do not want to be with me anymore?

I don't know. What is going on for you, about that?

 

Maybe it's part of the 'acceptance' process, but there's a part of your mind that is still resisting that it's really and truly over? Or maybe that you have too much self-blame/guilt going on and are focusing on "fixing things" externally instead of working towards self-forgiveness? Maybe that's why you have such a strong urge to apologize AGAIN (and again and again)?

 

I don't know. I'm guessing. What would you guess is going on for you, about this?

 

I do know that it all sucks, though. I get that you're hurting, and I am sorry you're going through it.

Sending hugs, and good healing.

  • Author
eternal.denied84 Established Member

eternal.denied84

Posted
  • Author
Posted
eternal.denied,

I'm not in any position to blame you for anything! In your other thread, I restated what you had said in your original post; my opinions (my interpretation of the facts that YOU gave) of why she isn't interested in working things out or being with you any longer.

 

 

I don't know. What is going on for you, about that?

 

Maybe it's part of the 'acceptance' process, but there's a part of your mind that is still resisting that it's really and truly over? Or maybe that you have too much self-blame/guilt going on and are focusing on "fixing things" externally instead of working towards self-forgiveness? Maybe that's why you have such a strong urge to apologize AGAIN (and again and again)?

 

I don't know. I'm guessing. What would you guess is going on for you, about this?

 

I do know that it all sucks, though. I get that you're hurting, and I am sorry you're going through it.

Sending hugs, and good healing.

 

 

i have mixed feelings..a part of me force me to reach out her and wish her luck for future and let her know that i dont have any grudges with her...

 

other part says..why the hell should i bother..she dumped me..she hurt me..she said mean things to me..she made me go insane..

 

she should be the one who should come back..rather than me breaking NC

 

i am so confused..and pissed..m wasting so much precious time on a relationship whic doesnt exist now..other person has called it off..living her life..then why am i wasting my life like this?

 

why cant i let all emotions go and care less about a mean and selfish gf?

McGrupp Established Member

McGrupp

Posted
Posted

meh i did the same **** after my breakup.

 

 

apologized. but it never felt enough. i kept feeling like i needed to apologize more.

 

so i would break NC but it would never go good.

 

just stay NC. you wont...but try or something

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...