Kaya Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Broken up for almost 3 months and lately it's starting to feel like the first week I'm not sure why? We've had a couple of phone conversations (initiated by him), and the last contact was him texting me about 3 weeks ago asking if I wanted to go to dinner, just to "catch up as old friends". I had other plans and didn't go, thank goodness. I haven't heard a peep from him since, and I just have this overwhelming urge to reach out to him and phone him. Please remind me why this is a bad idea - I just want to move forward, but feel so stuck at the moment.
Zansatsu Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Broken up for almost 3 months and lately it's starting to feel like the first week I'm not sure why? We've had a couple of phone conversations (initiated by him), and the last contact was him texting me about 3 weeks ago asking if I wanted to go to dinner, just to "catch up as old friends". I had other plans and didn't go, thank goodness. I haven't heard a peep from him since, and I just have this overwhelming urge to reach out to him and phone him. Please remind me why this is a bad idea - I just want to move forward, but feel so stuck at the moment. I had a major breakup a few months ago and had that 'stuck' feeling. I finally broke out of the pattern by forcing myself to get up and get out, doing things that I enjoyed doing. I don't know the circumstances of your relationship, but I can tell you that the urge to contact an ex-lover/SO is very powerful for the first couple of months. You keep wanting things but most of you knows that it didn't work out for a reason and that's what keeps you from doing it. My advice to you: pull yourself out of the situations where you find yourself wanting to do this. There are times of the day that are tougher than others. I always found the evenings more difficult to deal with than any other time of day. Times of stress were tough for me too. Distract yourself by purposely finding something else to do. This is very difficult at first, but once you get the hang of it, it comes easier. The way you feel is fine. It's how you act on your emotions that matter. Did this help at all?
Author Kaya Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 Thanks Z - that does help a bit, especially this: You keep wanting things but most of you knows that it didn't work out for a reason and that's what keeps you from doing it. I need to remind myself of the reality of the situation. Reaching out to someone who walked away won't do anything for my self-esteem. It's a hard time of the year to be going through this. Everyone is in "holiday mode" and I'm feeling miserable, lonely. Empty.
Zansatsu Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Thanks Z - that does help a bit, especially this: I need to remind myself of the reality of the situation. Reaching out to someone who walked away won't do anything for my self-esteem. It's a hard time of the year to be going through this. Everyone is in "holiday mode" and I'm feeling miserable, lonely. Empty. It's especially hard. Its painful to go through it that way, the cold is colder and the world seems more jagged and sharp. Surround yourself with warmth and love. See the people you are closest to in your life and spend some good time with them. When we feel empty, the only thing we can do is try to fill it. Unfortunately, this can lead to self-destructive tendencies (I'm guilty of this) but I recently learned that in order to make everything feel better, I had to keep myself close to my family and friends for a while. That really helped. Keep your head up, it will get better! And if you need to cry, there is never any shame in it. I'm glad I helped. Feel free to express anything else you need to.
Author Kaya Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 On my side of the world it's mid-summer. It's weird how the weather has an effect on memories. It's a perfect day outside and it reminds me of when we would go the beach or do outdoor activities. I haven't been to the beach once yet, I just think I'd feel too sad, too many memories. Yes, I need to be careful of the self-destructive tendencies, I'm smoking way too much and it's easier to stay at home instead of making an effort to go out. I need to get my sh*t together. My mom will be here for xmas so that will be good. Ray19 - at least we're not alone. I hope it gets better for you soon too x
alphamale Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Please remind me why this is a bad idea because you need to move on and meet other dudes.
McGrupp Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 im having trouble too. 3+ months. 15 days NC. just cant get over her
Zansatsu Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 On my side of the world it's mid-summer. It's weird how the weather has an effect on memories. It's a perfect day outside and it reminds me of when we would go the beach or do outdoor activities. I haven't been to the beach once yet, I just think I'd feel too sad, too many memories. It may sound weird, but sometimes I go to places I used to go in the relationship. The one thing I do above all else when I'm there is note the differences. Everything changes, even the places we have in memory. Sometimes exposing yourself to old stomping grounds, when you are ready, can actually be therpeutic. But this should only be attempted when you feel stronger. Consequently, I've been to the southern hemisphere. It was weird to get on the plane in the states in the peak of summer and get off the plane in the dead of winter. Very surreal. Yes, I need to be careful of the self-destructive tendencies, I'm smoking way too much and it's easier to stay at home instead of making an effort to go out. I need to get my sh*t together. My mom will be here for xmas so that will be good. Ray19 - at least we're not alone. I hope it gets better for you soon too x We all slip. Just as long as you pick yourself back up, that's all that matters
Author Kaya Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 Alpha, Simple, but true I guess. McGrupp, let's just hang in there - we have to get over them whether we like it or not.
Author Kaya Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 It may sound weird, but sometimes I go to places I used to go in the relationship. The one thing I do above all else when I'm there is note the differences. Everything changes, even the places we have in memory. Sometimes exposing yourself to old stomping grounds, when you are ready, can actually be therpeutic. But this should only be attempted when you feel stronger. That's good advice. I'll remember that when I'm ready! Consequently, I've been to the southern hemisphere. It was weird to get on the plane in the states in the peak of summer and get off the plane in the dead of winter. Very surreal. Surreal indeed. We all slip. Just as long as you pick yourself back up, that's all that matters Thanks Z!
USMCHokie Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 It may sound weird, but sometimes I go to places I used to go in the relationship. The one thing I do above all else when I'm there is note the differences. Everything changes, even the places we have in memory. Sometimes exposing yourself to old stomping grounds, when you are ready, can actually be therpeutic. But this should only be attempted when you feel stronger. This is good advice. By doing this, you are disassociating places with past activities and memories and replacing them with new emotions and feelings. You'll realize that things you used to do or places you used to go to can still be fun and make you happy even if your ex isn't around anymore. Even better is when you begin associating those places and activities with new people...and your ex will slowly become a distant memory...and this will eventually trickle down through everything else in your life...
Justburself Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 I know this will sound like a broken record but,NC.. Period, point-blank, no-ifs-&-or-buts.. If I knew how to direct you over to my thread(newb) to share my story, I would. Look for it " finally reaching out a hand " posted earlier.. It has been my mantra because it works. I too have received texts and calls in the last couple weeks and it has taken everything in me not to reply. I still check my email obessively because her last attempt was a forwarded email response from long ago. But continue to post and vent your feelings. Wish I would have long ago.. People here have your common thread and are very supportive.
Author Kaya Posted December 10, 2009 Author Posted December 10, 2009 USMCHokie - yes, disassociation is key. I really need to start making new memories of my own. Thanks Just - I read your thread, and I'm truly sorry for your situation. I still check my email obessively because her last attempt was a forwarded email response from long ago. Arg, I hate that! I remember being in the phase.. I sometimes still get that feeling of maybe it will be him every time my phone rings. It's annoying. Thanks for you support, and the reminder. I hope today is much better for you!
Recommended Posts