Ace09 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 We've been broken up for about a month. We got into a huge argument, that i take much blame for and she broke up with me. A week later when I told her I want to drop her things of asap, she said she wanted to sleep together. This happened a couple times in the second week after breakup. Then she's talking to me on IM saying how she doesn't want to sleep alone, I went to her place, did our thing and cuddled together ect. We've chatted a few times on aim, and the other night she wanted to talk on the phone, we talked and again tonight she asked to talk on the phone. I love her and care about her deeply but I'm thinking to myself what is there to talk about? I feel like with the distance that's grown between us I have little interest in getting back together. I find it extremely difficult involved emotionally while she's sleeping with other men. I would like to get back together, but considering our history I can have sex with her, but not be someone involved in her love or involved emotionally. I was close tonight to telling her I care about her but unfortunately I can no longer be there for her as a friend or otherwise.
Toki Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Time to go NC buddy. Seriously, this is doing you absolutely no good... it's just reinforcing the fact that she's emotionally dependent, and you don't have the willpower to stop yourself.
nobmagnet Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 yep Nc will help you move on. She is using you. If she wants you back fully she needs to work on herself. Find another f*uck buddy love!! x
LovelyDaze Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 That is just bad news! You both need to go NC on each other right away. My ex and I tried that bit and um...we are still exes. One is more in love than the other and wants to bet back together tremendously. The further you guys continue, the harder you are going to fall and hurt.
Author Ace09 Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 (edited) Are you saying she wants to get back together? I'm completly open to that, just not trying to mess around between us being together and not being together. While we're on aim she's asking to talk on the phone, saying she doesnt want to sleep alone ect. All I know is I'm not going to be strung along like this waiting for her to ask us to get back together. I don't intend on contacting her and plan to fall of the radar for a bit. Edited December 9, 2009 by Ace09
LexiB Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 So you're open to getting back together with her? Before you bury your head in the sand and go NC why dont you guys talk about things and see if there's a possibility of reconciliation - a *blunt* conversation just to finalize things. From her actions it seems like she's confused and obviously confusing you as well. You need to put a period on the end of this thing before you move on. Otherwise the what ifs and maybe's will drive you crazy.
ALLIE C Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 I think your best off walking away, unless you can see a future together don't look back. It will only make things far more confusing in the long run and its not like its no strings because there are still emotions there. Keep walking unless there's kids involved you have no ties and you'l keep going round in circles until one of you gets hurt.
jlr Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 believe me, sleeping with an ex is a bad idea. i did it for months after we broke up. all it did was make the whole process longer and harder. and it messed with my head and gave me false hope. she broke up with you, but still wants to use you for a comfort blanket. Then when she can do it alone, or finds another, she'll leave you high and dry. If you allow it, she may keep doing it when those new things fail. she's being selfish here. she told you she didn't want to be with you, but is saying she still wants you to have sex with her and keep her company. how nice for her...
Author Ace09 Posted December 10, 2009 Author Posted December 10, 2009 (edited) We talked tonight, she insisted she wanted to talk on the phone. We talked for an hour and I insisted we meet in person. I went to her place, after a little while I asked her what she thought, and what he feelings are about getting back together. After a 45 second pause she said we shouldn’t get back together that she doesn’t think it will work. I asked why, she gave me the line about how we’re looking for different things. ( she wants marriage and a man to take care of her and I’m focused on school and myself) I laughed it off and said I don’t think that’s really the true reason. She responded saying I cannot handle her in any way except the bedroom, and when we fight it blows up out of control. I told her ok, I respect what your saying, I just wanted to know where your coming from. I asked her why she’s asking me to call her and talk to her on the phone and she says it’s because she likes me. She was saying I gave her an attitude, was acting angry and rolled over. I took a shower, sat down beside her, gave her a kiss goodbye on the forehead, told her to look at me, and said to loose my number, my email, and my aim and walked out the door. Edited December 10, 2009 by Ace09
jerbear Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 She was saying I gave her an attitude, was acting angry and rolled over. I took a shower, sat down beside her, gave her a kiss goodbye on the forehead, told her to look at me, and said to loose my number, my email, and my aim and walked out the door. I liked what you did, you stood up and didn't take it from her.
Kic Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 You know why some well-intention people sleep with their ex? One reason is that they think it will help motivate a change. Sometimes it does. When it doesn't, someone feels used. Whether you're male or female is a factor, of course. I think you did the right thing. After that final goodbye, NC is the best way to motivate her to change - or to finally move on. She'll probably try again. As a man, this will be extremely hard for you to reject. You'll think that there's a chance she'll be motivated to finally change...finally appreciate you. Maybe it will be different this time, you'll wonder. And the other part of you won't think at all, it will just want to do, as it wants to every damn day. If you do succumb, just don't let it slow your recovery and your search for a better partner. Easier said than done, I know.
Justburself Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Typical.. Cake and eff it too.. Bud trust me, walk away for good.. Sounds like immature games. Been there and as long as she feels that her goodies are your weakness, the games will continue..
Author Ace09 Posted December 12, 2009 Author Posted December 12, 2009 I have absolutely no intention of contacting her. Down the road if she contacts me, I'm going to act very busy, and if she wants me back I'm going to make her work hard for it. I wanted to sit down, discuss the problems, and see if we can come to an understanding. I wanted to sit down, discuss the problems, see if we can find an understanding and work things out. But the time for that has passed. I think her 8 year relationship with her ex has something to do with it. She told me her and her ex would fight and he would sometimes leave for 2 weeks to a month at a time before coming back.
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