Justburself Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 I am so glad to have found LS. The story I'm going to share sounds so dramatic that it might even sound fictitious. I was engaged to my fiancé for over 3yrs. but we just had our 6yr anniversary. We just recently decided to tie the knott in June. Well to start this misery... My so-called best friend that I have had for 10 yrs. decided to visit from LA. We met long ago and our friendship was strong(I thought) despite the fact that we lived on opposite ends of the state. We spoke on a regular basis and we would be there for one another through all lifes challenges. I went down on a few occasions to party and hangout. So his up north was next. So we planned a visit when San Francisco was having The Lovevolution party. He arrived and my fiance and I picked him at the airport. We headed directly to the party. I couldn't of been happier, my love and my best friend on a full day of partying. This was the first day they met.. Later in the day in front of my fiancé I asked him to be my best man in our wedding. We hungout all day into the early morning club hopping. As opposed to worrying about getting home we crashed at another friends room that too met us at the party. We passed out from exhaustion and we awoke the following day and continued the party. My fiance and I went home to freshen up and then returned. Later that day I started to notice some overt flirtation between them. We all went to a couple bars and continued the drinking. After leaving my best friend and our other friend were very sexual comments and after a few drinks and a loss of patience I angerly spoke out. Before I knew it I was having a shouting match with my friend. After we somewhat cooled down I apologized for my out burst and agreed with the group I could of handled it better. We returned to the room and I still felt some negative energy between us. Before I knew it again we had a arguement at the room. He picked up the phone and called security on me! In no way did I threatin him or even yell. In hind sight his reaction was alcohol fueled. So at that point I was done with the drama. I asked my fiancé to grab her stuff and she said " I'm staying". I couldn't believe it, I felt instant betrayal. The security came to the door and my friend pointed at me and says " that's him". I again asked my fiancé to come but she looks at my friend and he says "she doesn't have to go anywhere". I leave. I stand in front and call her she doesn't pick up. I head home and sit up all night waiting for some word from her. I received one text saying how drunk she was. I finally fall asleep and am awoken by her at 10am. I new something happened immediately. She went in the room with no explanation and slept. As she layed there her phone buzzed away in her purse. Because of my suspicions I checked her phone. It was friends phone number repeatedly. I then text him from her phone "missing you already". He promptly replied " me too, still can't believe how hot lastnight was. I sent you a email". Are kidding me? My fiancé and so called best friend that haven't known each other longer than 48hrs. Ithen opened her email from her phone and was a pic of her laying topless he took from his phone. I woke her in tears and immediately confronted her. She then broke into tears and says "I still want to be friends with you. I'm sorry". Seriously. 6yrs. I packed my stuff and went to my friends house. I spoke to her over the phone and she asked to stay through the month. I agreed, and she said she would be going to her mothers for a few days. When she returned she informed me that movers would be there in the morning. She came home packed and moved. Then cancelled the rent and bill check from my account and left me with all the bills. I was recently laid off so her cancelling the bill money was devastating. I decided NC immediately. She reached out by having her sister call, she texted, and even called from blocked numbers. I called my so called best friend to no avail. He didn't even have balls to speak to me for his betrayal. She again had some shallow attempts at communication through Facebook. She sends me a friend request and in her profile pic she's in a new bikini in some beautiful location. Ummm, it's late October?! She didn't even have the respect to change her pic. It's a obvious pic shot down in S.Cal somewhere. I then broke NC days later in a email saying how hurt and betrayed I felt. I told her despite the fact I will always love her, I will never forgive her. She responded with "move on,it was never true love, I'm not asking for your forgiveness". Listen to Caliguy!! NC is a must!! She has made attempts but I have stayed strong. I feel that rollercoaster that we all do. That's why I'm now reaching out. I'm hurting so bad today. The depression is sometimes unbearable but I'm getting through it. I had 3 interviews in the last week, 2 of which I already got called back on. I feel not being unemployed through some of this was a blessing. I've read, ran a half marathon last month(1:40.51), and spent quality time w/ friends&family. So please if you have any inspiration, share it.. I know my post is long so if you reading this, Thanks..
WSeeker Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 A horrific story. That's why i'm never gonna get married. I may have kids someday but im never gonna entrust my happiness to someone else in my life again. I too had a breakup in august and learned much from it. But i wasnt engaged and my best friend didn't betray me so this must hurt like hell. I'm so sorry man. Bite the bullet and move on. Its gonna be very hard but you will make it in the end. You will learn not to trust anyone that easy again. Some people may say ,,You will find someone that will love you the way you are''. Dont think about that now or use that phrase for comfort. That doesnt matter now. All that matters is you getting healthy and getting out of the emotional roller coaster. In one word getting over her. Only when you get over her will you be able to find new love. It's not the end of the world. You will live and love again.
McGrupp Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 wow i almost cried during that. You are a way stronger man then me and have proven it. good luck and i hope you get your career and perhaps this is a blessing in disguise.
nobmagnet Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 im sat here in total shock................you are amazingly stong! I too found the betayal on e.mail. My life collapsed with the click of a computer key pad. 10years together and two children all tossed away for a quick sh*g. Hurtful and cruel of both parties. You are doing the right thing NC I hope your pain subsides. Mine is I am gaining strenth day on day and I hope you do too. best wishes
Kaya Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Stay strong, but also allow yourself to feel what you need to feel..if you're hurting today, that's okay, just ride the wave. Well done for sticking to NC and for finishing the marathon, that is awesome. I'm holding thumbs for you on the job front. "One's best success comes after his greatest disappointments." All the best to you.
silic0ntoad Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Woah. That's horrendous. You know, I really REALLY wish people needed licenses to get into relationships. Because people like her are horrific, honorless scabs that drain people of emotion and care. IDK how you did what you did - I would have killed them both. But then again, you are stronger than I. My ex left me for no reason, although in my heart, I believe she found someone else and wasn't tough enough to admit it. It's been almost 7 months for me and I am decades better. Stick to NC. As far as your "friend" goes, IDK about you, but if I ever saw him again, he would get a world of pain and suffering. Otherwise, NC his a$$ as well.
Angel1111 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 That really is unbelievably sad and I'm so sorry you're going through this. I guess what I don't understand is what is her point in contacting you over and over again? And what's the point of sending you a friend request on facebook? I don't understand any of that - she's a complete idiot. And your friend - there are no words. Wow. These people are truly the lowest of the low. Whether you can appreciate this or not right now, I don't know, but she has truly shown you a side to her that I'm sure you never saw before. No decent human being would do something like this. One day you'll understand that and those loving feelings will evaporate into thin air.
Author Justburself Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 Guys thank you so much for the well wishes.. Sorry about all the mistakes in original post(using iPhone). Yeah, I've stuck to NC and it works. They made it very clear who they both really are. I have no need or time for such people like that in this life. I neglected to mention in my original post that my scumbag friend called a couple weeks back. He called from a blocked number several times. He left a message saying " I want to clear the air bro, give me call back I'm available all day". Never called, as much as I wanted to. NC for him aswell. There is so much I would love to say to him. But I feel speaking to him will also put me back in my recovery. I always wondered why he never had a longtime girlfriend or married. I knew he was a player type but never could I imagine he would do that to me. I thought back to all the failed relationships he would tell me about. It's because he has something truly flawed within himself. Honestly, they deserve one another..
nobmagnet Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 yep honey they do deserve each other. My bloke had the bolliiiocks to tell me "she's a good girl"........................er what kind of "good girl sh*gs a man with kids?? he deserves her I say! well done on the NC x
Angel1111 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Believe me, your silence is screaming in his ears way louder than words could ever be shouted at him.
nobmagnet Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 to refer to a part of a song by "James" "your silence is deafening" xx
Angel1111 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 to refer to a part of a song by "James" "your silence is deafening" xx :laugh:
nobmagnet Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 another jem from "james" "you take for granted all the riches of this world. You may have oysters but you'll never find a pearl" i think most dumpees will feel that..........in a good way. xx
Author Justburself Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 Agreed Angel1111... Eventually they both will have to come to terms with the betrayal. I think what ever they started together is already done. Judging by the call and she also mailed me letter. I skimmed over it then quickly gave it to a friend to toss in the trash. I thought in a way it was breaking NC to even read it. What I do remember from it is her saying how sorry she was for all the hurt she caused. How she missed my full lips and my caress... BS!!
nobmagnet Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 bull indeed my love! she screwed up BIG TIME. let somebody else in time feel your soft caress and wonderful sensual kisses. xx
Angel1111 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 I mean, seriously, what does she expect you to do - forget everything and go running back to her - full lips and all? And what does your ex-buddy expect you to do? Resume the friendship after a nice little heartfelt apology? There are just some screw-ups that are total showstoppers. This would be one of them.
Author Justburself Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 bull indeed my love! she screwed up BIG TIME. let somebody else in time feel your soft caress and wonderful sensual kisses. xx Blushing....
Author Justburself Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 I mean, seriously, what does she expect you to do - forget everything and go running back to her - full lips and all? And what does your ex-buddy expect you to do? Resume the friendship after a nice little heartfelt apology? There are just some screw-ups that are total showstoppers. This would be one of them. I know right? It's purely a selfish move on both their parts. They both want the selfish satisfaction of giving their apologies. I see it all to well...
Lovestinks76 Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 First of all, let me say how sorry I am that you are enduring a double betrayal and that their shameless, heartless conduct is a reminder of what saints you and the handfull of us good folks are. Although not with any friend of mine and not overnight, the person who was without a doubt the deepest, most profound love of my life betrayed me with and dumped me for someone she just met and was secretly talking to. By the time she told me, a tiny fragment of time after suddenly acting cold with me, she had already had sex with him and had fallen in love with him. It was not just a one night drunken moment of weakness. I am not sure if karma exists, but if it does the people capable of souless, low acts of depravity and betrayal will cry several tears for every one that they cause. You are doing far better than I would/did in your situation.
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