AloneinTexas Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 So i had a previous thread regarding this girl who has been knocking my socks off. I have been talking to her for 3 weeks now and she and I both admitted feeling butterflies and we have had an amazing connection on the phone and stuff. I make her laugh and she says I can switch to being serious when it matters, and she is the only girl I know of that can make me laugh. Here's my concern: She is meeting me in 5 days for our first date/meeting. She has talked about hoping our "pheromones" click. I jokingly told her the first thing we will do is smell each others underarm and proceed from there (yes, we are both that comfortable to say that). Part of me is apprehensive because she said she will know "right away" whether my pheromones turn her on or not (i requested she tell me as well) because she has dated guys that she thought didn't smell too well and some that did. Me on the other hand....I have had a fair number of girlfriends and never thought of anything regarding pheromones; they all smelled good to me. What should I do? Isn't smell a combo of laundry detergent, soap, and deodorant for the most part anyways? i guess im just hoping our pheromones dont clash. any tips? advice?
MadDriver Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 (edited) There is definitely an unknown, hidden X-factor in human attraction that goes beyond visuals. You see someone's photograph or video on youtube, and they appear attractive. You talk on the phone and your personalities click. You two manage to meet in person, go out, and perhaps even kiss. But then... nothing, no attraction. No instinctual urge to be with that person. No sense of addiction (when I'm into someone, I really feel like I'm addicted to the person and even suffer withdrawn symptoms). No butterflies, no sparks, no chemistry, no love-at-first-sight. I think you might be onto something, the pheromones. Perhaps it is love-at-first-smell. For a guy, it should be simple -- guys are visual creates, so what does smell go to do with his attraction to a particular girl, right? For a young horn-dog, sure... But as I get older, this attraction business is more subtle. When I go to a strip club, the nice expensive ones, all the ladies there are top-notch visually. Heck, most of them even look alike (and the personalities are even a closer match). But... I can't explain, I'm not attracted to some of them, but really attracted to others. For a female, this X-factor must be even more important. Guys can use logic to override their preferences, but women usually let the emotional dominate. So if she whiffs you and you don't trigger the butterflies... I'm sorry buddy. I never really understood the significance of pop songs proclaiming "it's all in the kiss, you can tell by the kiss" until recently. It's that kissing gets you close enough to smell the other person. I'm talking about the unconscious olfactory evaluation that is taking place in your reptilian brain -- I'm not referring to your opinions about her perfume. When I was a thirsty-and-hungry young guy, kissing someone for the first time would get me a instant hard-on on the spot (thanks to hormones, no doubt). Now that I'm older, the instantaneous no longer happens. I'd kiss a really, really great looking girl (by visual measures) and no action down there. Next week I'd kiss a somewhat plain girl, who could never make it as a stripper (no ass, no boobies, etc), and I'd get an instantaneous after a kiss. I'd love to hear from the female readership here if they use kissing as a gauge of attraction. In the spirit of the Dos Equis guy's famous slogan, I don't always date online, but when I do, I prefer to keep the emails and phone conversations short and to the point, and to push for a in-person meeting as soon as possible. You don't want to get too invested until you find out if you're really attracted to the person. Until you meet face to face, you just don't know. Edited December 9, 2009 by MadDriver
MadDriver Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Now let me get off the soapbox and listen to your problems for a change. If it turns out that you two don't feel that electrical attraction to each other (and let's say for the sake of argument that it is because your pheromones are incompatible), then why pursue things any further? If you're not attracted to her, then you're not attracted to her. Move on and find someone who will stoke the flames of passion inside you. Let the nature take it's course and don't try to fight it by manipulation (i.e. buying pheromones, using some other guy's day old shirt, etc.). If she's a smart girl, then she's probably already familiar with the finding that birth control pills affect the girls' smell preference on a mate. If not, recommend her to NOT take the pill starting a month before you meet so that she can get an accurate gauge of your "smell profile".
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 You can't alter your pheremones. They are what they are. (No disrespect to anything mad driver might have said - I didn't read his whole dissertation.) I have a VERY sensitive nose and can be VERY turned on or VERY turned off by a man's smell. There's really nothing you can do about it. If you try to "disguise" it before the meeting, it's only a matter of time before she gets to smell it, anyway. I'll just say - I absolutely love waking up next to my man, because that's when the scent is the strongest. The natural smell of a man is HIGHLY attractive to me (obviously - as long as his pheremones are compatible) and I get high off of burying my nose in his neck and breathing him in. It also gets me super in the mood for morning activities. If you and this girl don't end up being scent-compatible, that's just the way it is. *shrug*
boogieboy Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Pheromones eh? Sounds like shes creating an easy out just in case you turn her off somehow. Instead of having to have to tell you that you chew funny, or something you said that turned her off...she might be really picky that way. She doesnt want to have to explain why you turned her off. Just be clean, and be yourself....dont worry about the pheromones mumbo jumbo.
InspiredbyYou Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Pheromones are a very valid part of the mating process. Sounds like you guys met online? It also sounds like she is even more nervous than you are to finally meet since there ain't nothin' you can do about it, it's either there or it's not and it happens unconsciously. That's her way of telling you "I really hope I like you in person" god knows that is always the major concern once you've invested some time in someone emotionally and you really like them on paper.
Author AloneinTexas Posted December 10, 2009 Author Posted December 10, 2009 yes i really did make a thread about pheromones. This is what im thinking: 1. She really does care about pheromones and this is NOT a joke. A. I dont turn her on, thats the end of us potentially dating. For her, she said our pheromones have to click. Sounds wierd i know, shes following a lot of rules (shes in grad school for marriage counseling/family therapy). If she ends it cuz of this, shes not worth my time to begin with (since she have been clicking with everything else---she even told me she has butterflies.) B I do turn her on with my scent, things will progress. 2. She really does NOT care about pheromones, and is just using it as a poor excuse (i guess a good excuse as its not a shot at you but the "scent") if: A. things go well, it was cuz of the pheromones. B. things dont go well, it was cuz of the pheromones. I guess its a win/win no matter what happens, I will either turn her on, or weed out someone who wont progress bc of a scent.
thegreatmoose Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 I've always wondered about pheromones. I've read that it's something women seem to notice far more than men. Maybe that's why I don't understand them. Is this a common turnoff or only a problem once in awhile for women? Is it more a compatibility thing or are there some men that are compatible with virtually everyone and others that are compatible with almost no one?
TheLoneSock Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 It's really not that big of a deal that you can talk about armpits with her. I know she may be knocking your socks off, but don't build it up too much. As far as pheromones go, there is nothing really you can do to make her like the way you smell personally. There are things you can do though that make them stronger smelling beforehand. Working out and/or masterbation usually makes a person's body secrete large amounts of them. You might try that. Good luck.
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 tgm - Scent gives an indication of your genetic code. It tells the "sniffer" (instinctively) if your genes and their genes would combine to make the best babies. Generally, the more different your code from hers, the better babies you'd make. So I imagine there's somebody out there for everybody.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 I have had boyfriends whose smell drove me insane. No, it's not detergent, deodorant, or any of that. It's that smell in the crook of the neck, when he's clean but not wearing any kind of scent but his own. When it's right, you want to bottle the smell and inhale it all the time. I think she's just excited and nervous and hoping you guys are compatible.
jw90063 Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 So i had a previous thread regarding this girl who has been knocking my socks off. I have been talking to her for 3 weeks now and she and I both admitted feeling butterflies and we have had an amazing connection on the phone and stuff. I make her laugh and she says I can switch to being serious when it matters, and she is the only girl I know of that can make me laugh. Here's my concern: She is meeting me in 5 days for our first date/meeting. She has talked about hoping our "pheromones" click. I jokingly told her the first thing we will do is smell each others underarm and proceed from there (yes, we are both that comfortable to say that). Part of me is apprehensive because she said she will know "right away" whether my pheromones turn her on or not (i requested she tell me as well) because she has dated guys that she thought didn't smell too well and some that did. Me on the other hand....I have had a fair number of girlfriends and never thought of anything regarding pheromones; they all smelled good to me. What should I do? Isn't smell a combo of laundry detergent, soap, and deodorant for the most part anyways? i guess im just hoping our pheromones dont clash. any tips? advice? I think its weird she would even bring that up.
thegreatmoose Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 tgm - Scent gives an indication of your genetic code. It tells the "sniffer" (instinctively) if your genes and their genes would combine to make the best babies. Generally, the more different your code from hers, the better babies you'd make. So I imagine there's somebody out there for everybody. It's definitely tough to see as a male, but this seems to be one of the many differences between males and females. I'd imagine some females notice it more than others. I take it that it is a compatibility thing so what are "bad" pheromones to one woman may be "good" pheromones to the next. How close does does he have to be to you for you to tell? As a man, I want to avoid getting into what I think is a great relationship, only to have her break up with me based on pheromone incompatibility.
MadDriver Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 A great article about scent compatibility (MHC factors and all that).
Yukikazi Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 I would not expect to much as she is already setting up her escape route.. albeit a very lame route but *shrug*
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