health Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 It's been almost one year since the break up. Like 8 months of no contact. I have been single since. I work daily. I still feel like my life is really empty even though I have great people and great hobbies. I do not breakdown and cry at night anymore. I still think of her alot when I'm walking etc. I tell myself I am healed. I don't want to think of her at all. The story was I was with her for 5 years, left her cause she was with this guy too much - then after our break she hooked up with him. I have met alot of great girls this year. My new rule is they have to be after me too. I'm not going to put in 120% anymore when they put in less. I'm just focusing on work, taking walks, meditating, being with friends. It's still challenging. I just look at relationships differently now. I'm grateful I never married her or had a kid with her. I'm free. I have faith I'll find someone eventually.
soheartbroken Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Great attitude. Seems like you're doing a lot of the right things. Sooo...would you get back with her if you could? Do you still pine for her? Can take years to get over these things. My relationship was also 5 years. Can't see myself over her in a year. Which sucks because I have to go back to school, which is stressful enough without being sad about an ex. SIGH.
Author health Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 soheartbroken, thanks so much for the reply I appreciate it! I would not go back with her. I'll reply in detail later, gotta run to work! Thanks again!
Author health Posted December 10, 2009 Author Posted December 10, 2009 Great attitude. Seems like you're doing a lot of the right things. Sooo...would you get back with her if you could? Do you still pine for her? Can take years to get over these things. My relationship was also 5 years. Can't see myself over her in a year. Which sucks because I have to go back to school, which is stressful enough without being sad about an ex. SIGH. I don't want her back. If pining means wishing for her back. I'm not pining. I'm aware it takes years and it's different for everyone. It's cool your setting the expectations for over a year, some people think it takes like 1 month n/c and presto! Maybee it works for them. I just got a new job when it happened. Right when I neded her most, she bailed. I'm there now for over a year + got a raise and promoted! I'm just trying to stay positive. Meeting with a girl this friday. Just friend stuff, going to see a local band.
soheartbroken Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 I don't want her back. If pining means wishing for her back. I'm not pining. I'm aware it takes years and it's different for everyone. It's cool your setting the expectations for over a year, some people think it takes like 1 month n/c and presto! Maybee it works for them. I just got a new job when it happened. Right when I neded her most, she bailed. I'm there now for over a year + got a raise and promoted! I'm just trying to stay positive. Meeting with a girl this friday. Just friend stuff, going to see a local band. Yes. By pining I meant missing her and wanting her back. Still thinking she was the love of your life, torn up about what she's doing, who she's seeing, etc. This is my worst fear, seriously. Still pining for my ex after years. Congrats on the promotion! My ex also left when I needed her the most. But then the timing of a breakup is rarely ideal, is it?
Author health Posted December 10, 2009 Author Posted December 10, 2009 Yes. By pining I meant missing her and wanting her back. Still thinking she was the love of your life, torn up about what she's doing, who she's seeing, etc. This is my worst fear, seriously. Still pining for my ex after years. Congrats on the promotion! My ex also left when I needed her the most. But then the timing of a breakup is rarely ideal, is it? Ya I don't pin for her, but part of me wishes it never happened. I just woke up from a nightmare 15 mins ago, where we were making out. Then later I was crying on the phone to her, screaming why she did what she did - and her just chilling out not caring. I woke up and thought it was real - almost like breaking no contact. My brain is realy imaginative so it's hard. It's my fear too to keep thinking of her for many years. Thanks for the congrats! The thing that hurts is trusting someone, having faith and them all of a sudden stop loving you. Well I learned that some people can't have successful relatonships even if they wanted to - because they lack so much. My ex wasn't educated, smoked, had no job, was negative. It never would have worked. I'm grateful it ended at 5 years and not 15 years - I saved myself 10 years.
DustySaltus Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 The thing that hurts is trusting someone, having faith and them all of a sudden stop loving you. Well I learned that some people can't have successful relatonships even if they wanted to - because they lack so much. My ex wasn't educated, smoked, had no job, was negative. It never would have worked. I'm grateful it ended at 5 years and not 15 years - I saved myself 10 years. I'm with you. you put all your trust into someone and get to a comfortable place only for them to pull out the rug from under you. A relationship is a marathon, not a sprint and some people are just not built for the long haul. My EX was very educated, had a great job but has BPD and doesn't have much fight in her. I mean she liked to FIGHT, but I felt like I was the one who always had to be there for her, instead of her being there for me. When I helped her out, I never asked for anything in return. When she helped me, she definetly let me know about it. That's not love. I know the feelings you have, I still have dreams from time to time. The last dream I had, I was in a boat fishing in a river. All of a sudden she shows up in a motorboat and starts circling me. Huge waves and a storm come and knock me out of the boat. She just keeps circling around creating these waves, but i'm still holding onto the side of the boat and won't let go. She gets angry and the storm gets bigger and so do the waves...but no matter what, she can't get me to drown. I'm still here.....
JL911 Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 I remember way back in the day I fell in love at 17 years old. First love, first sexual partner, ect...I had a lot of fun with that girl and she was drop dead beautiful...It was the usual high school story Football player and Cheerleader. She never could leave me alone and had an odd way of just coming in and out of my life just enough to keep my head twisted around her....She was engaged to be married and still sleeping with me...Shes recently divorced so I hear... Over time it made me depressed to think I was so into this girl and I couldnt really have her on my own time...I put her aside but still the thoughts of her wouldnt leave me, I stayed single, I messed around with other girls, but she just wouldnt get out of my head. I was in an odd downward spiral of alcohol and gained weight, started poor sleeping habits, and was just falling apart at age 19...I continued this spiral of insecurity until I was 21.... I remember going home for Christmas from college, and having my parents and sisters telling me how terrible I looked, and how drained I appeared...One night I just looked in the mirror and just couldnt believe what I had become...I had simply fallen apart and lost all faith in myself as a person, I didnt see anything good about who I was, and my behavior was reflecting all of this... I joined a Gym and for that month I was home I literally busted my ass every single day...I was lifting like a champ, running like a marathon man, and then at the end of that month I was a whole new man with a whole new outlook on life...I came back to school 20lbs lighter and in great shape.... I never thought of her the same way after that...
Author health Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 I'm with you. you put all your trust into someone and get to a comfortable place only for them to pull out the rug from under you. A relationship is a marathon, not a sprint and some people are just not built for the long haul. My EX was very educated, had a great job but has BPD and doesn't have much fight in her. I mean she liked to FIGHT, but I felt like I was the one who always had to be there for her, instead of her being there for me. When I helped her out, I never asked for anything in return. When she helped me, she definetly let me know about it. That's not love. I know the feelings you have, I still have dreams from time to time. The last dream I had, I was in a boat fishing in a river. All of a sudden she shows up in a motorboat and starts circling me. Huge waves and a storm come and knock me out of the boat. She just keeps circling around creating these waves, but i'm still holding onto the side of the boat and won't let go. She gets angry and the storm gets bigger and so do the waves...but no matter what, she can't get me to drown. I'm still here..... Wow. I could only imagine if my ex was half as great as yours. Your's sounded good - but lacked character still. Mine didn't even have grade 9 education, could not hold down a job and smoked. That dream you described is deep. Your still here, I applaud you. I respect that!
Author health Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 I remember way back in the day I fell in love at 17 years old. First love, first sexual partner, ect...I had a lot of fun with that girl and she was drop dead beautiful...It was the usual high school story Football player and Cheerleader. She never could leave me alone and had an odd way of just coming in and out of my life just enough to keep my head twisted around her....She was engaged to be married and still sleeping with me...Shes recently divorced so I hear... Over time it made me depressed to think I was so into this girl and I couldnt really have her on my own time...I put her aside but still the thoughts of her wouldnt leave me, I stayed single, I messed around with other girls, but she just wouldnt get out of my head. I was in an odd downward spiral of alcohol and gained weight, started poor sleeping habits, and was just falling apart at age 19...I continued this spiral of insecurity until I was 21.... I remember going home for Christmas from college, and having my parents and sisters telling me how terrible I looked, and how drained I appeared...One night I just looked in the mirror and just couldnt believe what I had become...I had simply fallen apart and lost all faith in myself as a person, I didnt see anything good about who I was, and my behavior was reflecting all of this... I joined a Gym and for that month I was home I literally busted my ass every single day...I was lifting like a champ, running like a marathon man, and then at the end of that month I was a whole new man with a whole new outlook on life...I came back to school 20lbs lighter and in great shape.... I never thought of her the same way after that... I don't really respect that you slept with her while she was engaged. I've never cheated or done anything like that. Thing is part of me wanted to do that to screw up what she has now, but I decided it would be a waste of time. Sorry for poinitng that out, if you've stopped that sort of thing I applaud you now. It's crazy how we give our power away and let a woman do that to us. I respect that you exercised and got your act together. Respect on that!
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