jw90063 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 I cannot see how picking up cables for someone could be construed as a romatic gesture. You're being silly, suspicious and controlling. This is sort of what I'm thinking, but I also can see her concern. My previous BF reminded me of him in ways. It's like you feel they are not considering your feelings at times. My ex was just kind of dumb and didn't use his head. It seems like the OP's BF could be a little more thoughtful, but at same time the OP could be less suspicious.
boogieboy Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 He'll occasionally do things for me, like make me coffee is he gets up before me, but that's pretty rare, and it's also why I find it especially upsetting when he does things for other people but not me - because that's exactly how I communicate love and prefer for it to be communicated to me. You didnt mention whether or not you told him this time (in additions to the other times you told him) specifically that you want him to be as thoughtful to you as he is for others, and asked him why he disregarded the stuff you wanted him to buy for you. it is kind of a jealousy issue, but its well warranted, because you make it sound like he doesnt need to be thoughtful for you at all. You show love with actions, but how does HE show love? Seems like he doesnt show love the same way you do.
Author New Again Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 This is sort of what I'm thinking, but I also can see her concern. My previous BF reminded me of him in ways. It's like you feel they are not considering your feelings at times. My ex was just kind of dumb and didn't use his head. It seems like the OP's BF could be a little more thoughtful, but at same time the OP could be less suspicious. I'm not suspicious of him, this other girl, or his intentions with the other girl. You all are the ones who are jumping on the fact that I gave the detail that the person he did something out of his way and considerate for was a girl. My only reason for pointing out his relationship to this person was to point out that they are not close, she is not a friend (he's not even friends with his roommate), she is an acquaintance. Had the person in question been a random guy acquaintance I would still feel the same way, because my issue is not a jealousy one.
Peaceful Guy Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 ..he wasn't listening to me, and he was mumbling over the selection of cables and trying to figure out the right ones to get.. that is infuriating! at the same time, i don't know if it means anything.. don't get jealous yet.. he sounds pretty unaware of the whole thing. and i don't think its some sort of, act so naturally unaware she'll never suspect a thing.. kind of conspiracy.. sounds like an idiot! still, if you wanted something from the store, and he didn't help you out.. that's something.. regardless of what he was doing instead. did you remind him that you asked him to pick something up, OUTSIDE of the context of you worrying? did you really care about that in the first place? probably.. tell him.. should be easy for him to say sorry.. should be easy to forgive him too. but, i don't want to write off the whole thing here.. jealousy IS one of those little warning signs.. truth or no..
Author New Again Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 You didnt mention whether or not you told him this time (in additions to the other times you told him) specifically that you want him to be as thoughtful to you as he is for others, and asked him why he disregarded the stuff you wanted him to buy for you. it is kind of a jealousy issue, but its well warranted, because you make it sound like he doesnt need to be thoughtful for you at all. You show love with actions, but how does HE show love? Seems like he doesnt show love the same way you do. One of the times I talked to him about this I did tell him that; didn't change anything. He also seems incapable of understanding where I'm coming from. As far as why he disregarded my request, it was because he wasn't listening to me, at all. And before anyone jumps on that, he's the one who called me, not the other way around. He didn't have an explanation for why he was listening enough to think of himself (he needed the same item), but not the part where I wanted him to check for me also. You're right, in a sense there is a jealousy issue at play here; just not in the way that everyone else is making it out to be.
Peaceful Guy Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 I'm not suspicious of him, this other girl, or his intentions with the other girl. You all are the ones who are jumping on the fact that I gave the detail that the person he did something out of his way and considerate for was a girl. My only reason for pointing out his relationship to this person was to point out that they are not close, she is not a friend (he's not even friends with his roommate), she is an acquaintance. Had the person in question been a random guy acquaintance I would still feel the same way, because my issue is not a jealousy one. well, i just read the first post as to not let the other posters influence my ideas.. and it TOTALLY did sound that way. if we got the impression you were jealous, its cause you told the story that way.. also, didn't you use the word "paranoid".. are you really that freaked about this guy that if he forgets to do something for you its all over?! take care of you own damn self! maybe that's how he's feeling.. im not your ****ing errand boy! how bout that?
threebyfate Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Look guys, it's pretty basic and something that guys fail to understand. Women expect that their needs will be prioritized above any other woman's needs, by their SOs. We expect that we will be valued and appreciated, not only for our physical appearances. We expect that you guys will show us, that this is the way you feel. Where we differ, is in how we expect that you'll show us. With New Again, she NEEDS her b/f to show her through action. So, she needs to communicate this to him.
Peaceful Guy Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 You're right, in a sense there is a jealousy issue at play here; just not in the way that everyone else is making it out to be. well, now im confused.. how is jealousy a factor here?
jw90063 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 that is infuriating! at the same time, i don't know if it means anything.. don't get jealous yet.. he sounds pretty unaware of the whole thing. and i don't think its some sort of, act so naturally unaware she'll never suspect a thing.. kind of conspiracy.. sounds like an idiot! still, if you wanted something from the store, and he didn't help you out.. that's something.. regardless of what he was doing instead. did you remind him that you asked him to pick something up, OUTSIDE of the context of you worrying? did you really care about that in the first place? probably.. tell him.. should be easy for him to say sorry.. should be easy to forgive him too. but, i don't want to write off the whole thing here.. jealousy IS one of those little warning signs.. truth or no.. I would be annoyed if I wanted something from the store, and he didn't get it. It does sound like he was just being an idiot. I do still sense a bit of jealousy since he was buying cables for another woman. If you feel you can't put up with it, then maybe its time to move on, especially if he isn't willing to change his ways.
Author New Again Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 that is infuriating! at the same time, i don't know if it means anything.. don't get jealous yet.. he sounds pretty unaware of the whole thing. and i don't think its some sort of, act so naturally unaware she'll never suspect a thing.. kind of conspiracy.. sounds like an idiot! still, if you wanted something from the store, and he didn't help you out.. that's something.. regardless of what he was doing instead. did you remind him that you asked him to pick something up, OUTSIDE of the context of you worrying? did you really care about that in the first place? probably.. tell him.. should be easy for him to say sorry.. should be easy to forgive him too. but, i don't want to write off the whole thing here.. jealousy IS one of those little warning signs.. truth or no.. I don't think so either My issue is the very fact that I requested something from the same store and he couldn't be bothered.
Peaceful Guy Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 ..With New Again, she NEEDS her b/f to show her through action. So, she needs to communicate this to him. i think she NEEDS to not be so NEEDY.. where's my ice cream MOM, AND, DAD!!!
Author New Again Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 well, i just read the first post as to not let the other posters influence my ideas.. and it TOTALLY did sound that way. if we got the impression you were jealous, its cause you told the story that way.. also, didn't you use the word "paranoid".. are you really that freaked about this guy that if he forgets to do something for you its all over?! take care of you own damn self! maybe that's how he's feeling.. im not your ****ing errand boy! how bout that? Seriously?! He specifically left his house for no reason other than to go buy cables for her, on his own; it was not a request from her. So no, if he's already there, he can get me my damn [item]!!
Peaceful Guy Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 have you tried forgiving him, unconditionally? all joking aside, i think its pretty unfair to expect such perfection. in doing so your taking his needs and feelings into consideration very little. im really starting to feel for the guy..
Peaceful Guy Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Seriously?! He specifically left his house for no reason other than to go buy cables for her, on his own; it was not a request from her. So no, if he's already there, he can get me my damn [item]!! well, then he's a nice guy, who made an honest mistake. jesus! you are being without a doubt totally ****ing unreasonable about this. LET, IT, GO!
Author New Again Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 well, now im confused.. how is jealousy a factor here? Because he is considerate of acquaintances, but not me (or his family or other close friends; I'm not alone here). But it has nothing to do with thinking he's interested in someone else, or hitting on someone else, or any other such nonsense.
Author New Again Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 have you tried forgiving him, unconditionally? all joking aside, i think its pretty unfair to expect such perfection. in doing so your taking his needs and feelings into consideration very little. im really starting to feel for the guy.. well, then he's a nice guy, who made an honest mistake. jesus! you are being without a doubt totally ****ing unreasonable about this. LET, IT, GO! It's a much deeper issue than this one isolated incident. Some of the posters last night (when I started the thread) helped me realize why that particular thing set me off, however.
Peaceful Guy Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 that item wasn't a box of tampons was it? :laugh::laugh: could NOT resist!
threebyfate Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 i think she NEEDS to not be so NEEDY.. where's my ice cream MOM, AND, DAD!!! Y'know what? That's typical guy validation for the enabling of someone who's being a lazy and selfish partner.
boogieboy Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 So if you show love though actions, how does he specifically show love naturally?
Peaceful Guy Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 It's a much deeper issue than this one isolated incident. okay, fair enough. i do believe you.. and im sorry for joking around, sort of.. but then, focus on the bigger issues, or your going to wear yourself out. really, i do empathize.. see my first post.. k?
jw90063 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Are you demanding often? Maybe if you are this way, he is just fed up to the point that he doesn't care. Not saying you are demanding, but kind of getting that vibe.
Author New Again Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 that item wasn't a box of tampons was it? :laugh::laugh: could NOT resist! Yes, as a matter of fact, tampons are commonly sold in all specialty electronics stores across the country...that is exactly what I needed him to pick up...that he also needed to pick up for himself....?? Y'know what? That's typical guy validation for the enabling of someone who's being a lazy and selfish partner. So much more eloquent than I
Peaceful Guy Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Y'know what? That's typical guy validation for the enabling of someone who's being a lazy and selfish partner. well, i hesitated to use the word needy, cause ive seen that thrown around in pretty ****ty way before.. but really, it wasn't about the item for her.. so when i read such a strong emotional response to him not doing something for her, it was natural to assume that that was the issue. and for the record, im the TOTAL opposite of a lazy and selfish partner, to the point of being corny as hell! really, i do stuff for people all the time.. and im not just thinking that way because im selfish and every little thing feels like a big deal to me. i personally think that girls shouldn't really have to advocate so much for guys to do nice things for them.. the guys should just do it. and trust me, there are plenty of guys that would love to spend their time doing nice things for girls. give a guy a couple chances, after that, move on.. find ME! or at least, you know, someone caring and considerate.. seriously, its frustrating to see girls playing all these games to get their guys to treat them the way they want while guys like me sit back and think, that guys an *******! why the f. am i so lonely? really.. its not fair!!!!!
Peaceful Guy Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Yes, as a matter of fact, tampons are commonly sold in all specialty electronics stores across the country...that is exactly what I needed him to pick up...that he also needed to pick up for himself....?? i know, i know.. it was the DAMN item.. that made me not be able to resist.. it was lame,, that's why it was so DAMN funny to me!
threebyfate Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 well, i hesitated to use the word needy, cause ive seen that thrown around in pretty ****ty way before.. but really, it wasn't about the item for her.. so when i read such a strong emotional response to him not doing something for her, it was natural to assume that that was the issue. and for the record, im the TOTAL opposite of a lazy and selfish partner, to the point of being corny as hell! really, i do stuff for people all the time.. and im not just thinking that way because im selfish and every little thing feels like a big deal to me. i personally think that girls shouldn't really have to advocate so much for guys to do nice things for them.. the guys should just do it. and trust me, there are plenty of guys that would love to spend their time doing nice things for girls. give a guy a couple chances, after that, move on.. find ME! or at least, you know, someone caring and considerate.. seriously, its frustrating to see girls playing all these games to get their guys to treat them the way they want while guys like me sit back and think, that guys an *******! why the f. am i so lonely? really.. its not fair!!!!! There are plenty of guys who do really nice things in the early stages of the dating and relationship process, enough to make the woman fall for them. Then they stop, as New Again's b/f has done and this is the end result of it all. While I don't know what will happen with New Again's relationship, many times, the woman will walk away from the relationship, since the guy wasn't expectation managing in the beginning, misrepresenting who he was to begin with. I've had it happen enough times that it royally pisses me off that guys do this. It's all about "getting the girl", rather than finding a compatible partner. It's fricking infuriating, actually.
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