New Again Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 You all are the voice of reason, so tell me I'm being ridiculous or paranoid or whatever over nothing. My b/f has a roommate; roommate has a g/f. Apparently the g/f recently got a tv for her room, but she needs cables to hook it up or something. My b/f "just happened" to wander into a store that would sell such things tonight. He specifically said he had no reason to go there, but since he was there, decided to pick up the cables for her. So basically, what it translates to is, he went there specifically to buy her the freaking cables. He called me while he was looking, and I ended up getting annoyed and getting off the phone with him because the entire 7 minutes we were talking (I was so annoyed that I checked) he wasn't listening to me, and he was mumbling over the selection of cables and trying to figure out the right ones to get. As it happens, when he said what store he was in I said: Oh, do you think they have a good selection of [...] because I went to 4 stores today looking for the right [....] for my [....]. I didn't even think to go to [store]. His response was: That reminds me I should pick up some [...same item I asked about...] for myself. He didn't even offer to check for me to see if they had the ones I need. In other words, he's not exactly the kind of person who randomly does sweet things like picking up an item for someone unasked, yet here he is doing it for someone else's gf.
kizik Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 New Again, I have no idea why this would upset you. You're being very, very silly. Bordering on stupid.
dudet Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 You all are the voice of reason, so tell me I'm being ridiculous or paranoid or whatever over nothing. My b/f has a roommate; roommate has a g/f. Apparently the g/f recently got a tv for her room, but she needs cables to hook it up or something. My b/f "just happened" to wander into a store that would sell such things tonight. He specifically said he had no reason to go there, but since he was there, decided to pick up the cables for her. So basically, what it translates to is, he went there specifically to buy her the freaking cables. He called me while he was looking, and I ended up getting annoyed and getting off the phone with him because the entire 7 minutes we were talking (I was so annoyed that I checked) he wasn't listening to me, and he was mumbling over the selection of cables and trying to figure out the right ones to get. As it happens, when he said what store he was in I said: Oh, do you think they have a good selection of [...] because I went to 4 stores today looking for the right [....] for my [....]. I didn't even think to go to [store]. His response was: That reminds me I should pick up some [...same item I asked about...] for myself. He didn't even offer to check for me to see if they had the ones I need. In other words, he's not exactly the kind of person who randomly does sweet things like picking up an item for someone unasked, yet here he is doing it for someone else's gf. he's not the kind who does randomly sweet things. sure sounds like it in this post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t212387/ i don't know if anything he did is worth getting worked up over or making a post about it, but i would be more concerned that you obviously don't trust him. i could see it being a little aggravating, but who knows. i mean never know, he might secretly be into his roommates g/f....but hopefully not lol
kizik Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 you obviously don't trust him. Yeah no offense but I would not want to date a woman with such a quick distrust. When the bank teller is a woman, do you accuse him of conspiring with her to cheat?
Author New Again Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 he's not the kind who does randomly sweet things. sure sounds like it in this post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t212387/ i don't know if anything he did is worth getting worked up over or making a post about it, but i would be more concerned that you obviously don't trust him. i could see it being a little aggravating, but who knows. i mean never know, he might secretly be into his roommates g/f....but hopefully not lol Even in that post I specifically said that was a one-time thing and he's not normally like that. He's not a planner in any sense of the word, not organized.... Occasionally he is randomly thoughtful, but it often seems to be directed toward acquaintances and not me/close friends/family. (Or maybe I'm just an ass and don't see it.) As far as the roommate's g/f, there are other things that I have taken notice of in the past, though definitely nothing major. Just very small things. Example: b/f and I go into his house and his roommate is hanging out; b/f and I say "hello" as we continue on by to do whatever it is we were going to do. B/f and I go into his house and his roommate AND his roommate's g/f are hanging out; I say "hello" and go about doing what we were going to be doing while my b/f stays and chats for 15 or 20 minutes. I always took this and other things as just being friendly, but now I'm wondering, WTF.
Author New Again Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 Yeah no offense but I would not want to date a woman with such a quick distrust. When the bank teller is a woman, do you accuse him of conspiring with her to cheat? I 100% do not think my b/f is going to cheat on me with someone else's g/f. I am, however, wondering why the hell he's doing something so nice for someone else's g/f (her b/f should be doing this for her); yet when I mention I'm looking for something that store sells, he automatically thinks of himself and not me. See what I'm saying? This other girl is getting his out of the way consideration and thoughtfulness and I'm not even an afterthought.
Author New Again Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 I am, however, beginning to think he needs way too much attention from other girls. I have other examples, but none of them pissed me off or got under my skin the way this did.
kizik Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 As with every single other thread about bfs and gfs on this forum, these issues are best discussed with the person you're upset with. WTF happened with people communicating to one another... Tell HIM....
dudet Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 You all are the voice of reason, so tell me I'm being ridiculous or paranoid or whatever over nothing. My b/f has a roommate; roommate has a g/f. Apparently the g/f recently got a tv for her room, but she needs cables to hook it up or something. My b/f "just happened" to wander into a store that would sell such things tonight. He specifically said he had no reason to go there, but since he was there, decided to pick up the cables for her. So basically, what it translates to is, he went there specifically to buy her the freaking cables. He called me while he was looking, and I ended up getting annoyed and getting off the phone with him because the entire 7 minutes we were talking (I was so annoyed that I checked) he wasn't listening to me, and he was mumbling over the selection of cables and trying to figure out the right ones to get. As it happens, when he said what store he was in I said: Oh, do you think they have a good selection of [...] because I went to 4 stores today looking for the right [....] for my [....]. I didn't even think to go to [store]. His response was: That reminds me I should pick up some [...same item I asked about...] for myself. He didn't even offer to check for me to see if they had the ones I need. In other words, he's not exactly the kind of person who randomly does sweet things like picking up an item for someone unasked, yet here he is doing it for someone else's gf. well he said he just happened to wander in there. since he was there he decided to pick up cables. i would just assume that's the case, and not accuse him of specifically going for the girl i could see it being a little fishy, i mean what a coincidence I just wouldn't go cuss him out over it or he might think wtf...
dreamergrl Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 I'd be annoyed with the fact that he knew you needed something, but couldn't check for you, yet went looking for cables for someone else.
tigressA Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 As with every single other thread about bfs and gfs on this forum, these issues are best discussed with the person you're upset with. WTF happened with people communicating to one another... Tell HIM.... I second this.
kizik Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 I'd be annoyed with the fact that he knew you needed something, but couldn't check for you, yet went looking for cables for someone else. Yes, you would.
Author New Again Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 I'd be annoyed with the fact that he knew you needed something, but couldn't check for you, yet went looking for cables for someone else. Thanks! Leave it to a girl to understand where I'm coming from I know that if I said something to my b/f about this he'd say something like "I really didn't think you'd have a problem with me doing something nice for my friend's GIRLFRIEND" in a tone of voice implying that I'm a huge bitch - similar to the men's reactions on here. He wouldn't get what my real problem is. Sounds like maybe this is one of those nuances that guys just don't get. Which maybe makes me silly, but also makes me think there's no point in saying anything.
dreamergrl Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Yes, you would. Why wouldn't someone be? It's not a trust issue. It's the fact that he was able to make it a point to do something nice for someone else's gf but he couldn't even check on some stuff for his gf when she asked.
Author New Again Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 We've had the conversation before about something else.
kizik Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Maybe people should just get along or simply end the relationship. Life is short. Stop picking on each other and enjoy what you love about each other. Stop the fighting and bickering. Life really is too short. Few of you appreciate how lucky you are to be in love.
dudet Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 well even if he was being a little inconsiderate, that does happen sometimes with any human. i don't know how he acts all the time. if you are saying he does this stuff all the time, well that may be another story
Author New Again Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 Maybe people should just get along or simply end the relationship. Life is short. Stop picking on each other and enjoy what you love about each other. Stop the fighting and bickering. Life really is too short. Few of you appreciate how lucky you are to be in love. Got it, your advice is that I'm being stupid, tell b/f I'm annoyed OR just forget about it OR break up with him. Thank you for your input.
kizik Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Nice writing off my advice but it's the only advice you really need to hear That or you can live an unhappy, angry, guarded life
Author New Again Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 well even if he was being a little inconsiderate, that does happen sometimes with any human. i don't know how he acts all the time. if you are saying he does this stuff all the time, well that may be another story He has had a few people who are close to him tell him that he is basically a good person and warm-hearted, but that he is very self-absorbed. His reaction is anger, defensiveness, denying it, etc. He thinks clearly the other person is wrong. And it's definitely true. I think he takes me, his close friends and family for granted. So we get overlooked for the most part. But then he does incredibly thoughtful and considerate things for acquaintances that pretty much always takes him far out of his way, and it's never someone's request, it's always him offering to do it. Wow, I didn't realize I felt this way until just now.
dreamergrl Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 NA, I don't think you are being stupid. I do think though that you need to decide if you are going to tolerate this or not, since it's an ongoing thing.
Author New Again Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 Nice writing off my advice but it's the only advice you really need to hear That or you can live an unhappy, angry, guarded life I'm not writing it off, I'm reiterating it to let you know I read it and understood your point. I was being sincere when I said thank you; I know you took the time to read my thread and respond to it. However, it's not particularly helpful to me if you keep stating it over and over again. When you do that I start feeling like it's a personal attack. That's all.
CLC2008 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 He has had a few people who are close to him tell him that he is basically a good person and warm-hearted, but that he is very self-absorbed. His reaction is anger, defensiveness, denying it, etc. He thinks clearly the other person is wrong. And it's definitely true. I think he takes me, his close friends and family for granted. So we get overlooked for the most part. But then he does incredibly thoughtful and considerate things for acquaintances that pretty much always takes him far out of his way, and it's never someone's request, it's always him offering to do it. Wow, I didn't realize I felt this way until just now. This is what you have to be mindful of OP.
Author New Again Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 NA, I don't think you are being stupid. I do think though that you need to decide if you are going to tolerate this or not, since it's an ongoing thing. Dammit I think you're right.
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