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Posted

I don't know if this is part of grieving or something but everyday when I wake up I just don't want to be here. I'm always on the verge of tears and rarely laugh anymore.

 

I hate my job and don't want to be in my house. I'm in debt and have no spare cash to do little fun things really, also I wanted to see a counsellor but right now I can't afford it.

 

I know this sounds like a total pity party for myself and I've been trying to pull myself out of this slump but I'm finding it really difficult.

 

I just need any advice anybody can throw my way - be it HTFU, coddling or just hopefulness, I'll take it.

 

Also, I am currently NC with my ex who was as close as my best friend so I'm struggling a bit without him as a confidante :(

Posted

Trust me, Oxo...I KNOW!

 

I am in myphase of post-breakup smiling and enjoying my day while others I just want to crumble and die some place.

 

I am not 100% over my ex either but I can see that I NEED to love myself more. It is the only way that I will be able to open my heart again and enjoy life even better than before.

 

Please go to your nearest bookstore and/or library and pick up all the relationship books and grieving books possible. They have helped me in this process.

 

Hold on, it WILL get better...I promise.

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Posted

Thanks Lovely :) I'm starting to feel better again which is good. My moods are just all over the place right now I guess!

 

I bought 2 AWESOME books the other day by a chick called Sue Ostler (Aussie like me so I was intrigued) and the first one called "Get Over It!" is so inspiring! But yeah I need to load up on heaps and heaps of them! Helllllllo eBay! haha might get a 2nd job too :)

 

I'm glad you sound like you have hope for the future - that's a great thing!!

Posted

Trust me Oxo, you're not alone. Your post struck a note, because I want therapy, I want drugs, I hate my job and I'm in more pain than I've ever been in. And I can't afford it anyway.

 

I wish I could sit here and tell you things will get better but I can't. It's a tough path we're walking. But it's a path many others have traveled, and you've found the right place to shed your feelings.

 

For me, waking up in the morning is the most difficult thing to do. I'm living in the same house I shared with my ex, everywhere I look reminds me of her, every moment of my day I think of what we'd be doing together if she hadn't walked out.

 

I wish I could offer you some sage advice, but right now all I can say is hang on and believe it will get easier. Time, time, time. That's what I keep telling myself, and it's somewhat turning out to be true.

 

You're in the right place. Vent, rage, mourn, write out all your thoughts on this board. There are people here who will support you and guide you.

 

You're not alone. If nothing else, take comfort in that.

Posted
Thanks Lovely :) I'm starting to feel better again which is good. My moods are just all over the place right now I guess!

 

I bought 2 AWESOME books the other day by a chick called Sue Ostler (Aussie like me so I was intrigued) and the first one called "Get Over It!" is so inspiring! But yeah I need to load up on heaps and heaps of them! Helllllllo eBay! haha might get a 2nd job too :)

 

I'm glad you sound like you have hope for the future - that's a great thing!!

 

Watch and see. You will too!

I still analyze my breakup and dissect like I am a mad scientist. Thing that is clear is that HE CHOSE to leave me. I don't want to have him squash my heart under his boots any longer. It's not fair.

 

So happy you are thinking of healing yourself! Trust me, we all will go through ups and sad downs before it is all better.

 

Do you have an ex PRIOR to this one? If so, remember how much you loved that person and how much you were hurt AND how you did fall in love again. I have to remind myself of that constantly.

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Posted

@madrugada - thank you - there is a lot of comfort in that :) Although it's kinda funny if you break it down that we all take little bits of comfort in the fact that others out there feel as awful as we do sometimes lol that made me smile at the irony of it (i think irony is the right word...?). And I agree - mornings are the worst...but hopefully we will wake up one day and actually smile and keep it there for most of the day!!

 

@Lovely - Yeah I have one before this one but this one was the first one that totally rocked my soul. I do remember how hurt I was from the prior one but I walked away from him instead of being walked away from like this time. I do have moments during the day where I start feeling positive and I make exercise/diet/hobby/study plans but then when it fades I just get really bogged down and I think that happened today. But at least I didn't call him haha! :D So how long has it been since it ended, if you don't mind me asking?

Posted

Mine ended in mid October so not too long.

 

My ex and his fiancee' are trying to get married this March 2010. Ugh.

 

It even looks insane for me to write that, you know? He dumped me in October 2009 and now he is ready to spend forever with a girl he just met a few months later! Crazy.

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Posted

OMG that is crazy!! I don't get people sometimes hey...no logic!!

 

Mine ended around the end of October/early November - so not that long after and wow you're handling it so much better considering the situation!

Posted

Oxo, I agree with what every one has said. I love the image of dissecting the break up like a mad scientist that LD paints:).

 

What ever the heartache is .. it can be just suffocatingly awful some days. Like a hand over your face.. and bearable other days.

 

I found this quote and it help me a lot. I used to go into work and write it down on a post it and kept focusing on it. It helped me loads..

This is it:

 

"If you are going through hell, keep going..."

Winston Churchill

 

All the best Oxo.. you are doing fine and are not alone (((hugs)))

Posted

 

"If you are going through hell, keep going..."

Winston Churchill

 

Oh WOW!!! That's a great one! That is EXACTLY what we broken hearts are doing...going through are own hell.

Can't go around it, fly above it, douse it with tears,or anything.

We must run right through it with courage and strength.

 

God, this is so hard guys, right? But if we just dig root-deep and not beg for our past back..we can land perfectly in a bright shining future...right where we all belong!:cool:

Posted

 

"If you are going through hell, keep going..."

Winston Churchill But if we just dig root-deep and not beg for our past back..we can land perfectly in a bright shining future...right where we all belong!:cool:

 

That is so right Lovely. Although there is no point sweeping our grief under the carpet either. We can only move on. I like that quote because it suggests movement... momentum. I can be guilty of wollowing.. so it has helped me loads.. just to keep going.

Posted

haha. trust me guys, i feel the most pain in the sense that EVERY SINGLE GUY i've ever dated (and one rebound) has gotten married right AFTER DATING ME. It's so annoying. I'm like a girl version of Good Luck Chuck. For a time i was wondering when my turn was, but after awhile I'm just like eh I give up. I wouldn't put it past my current ex to get married to the next girl. My friends and I have bets on it...how long it'll take for him to meet/marry the next one.

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Posted

That quote is absolutely awesome.

 

Ohh puppydog - that sucks. Both my prior exes had children with the girls after me yet when they were with me they didn't want them! Looking back in hindsight without my love goggles, thats a good thing because then I would be tied to them hah!!

Posted

haha. oxo werd.

 

While i was with my ex, I was very accepting of everything. He's 28 and has never lived outside of home ever even while working full time/going to law school. His mom still does all his cooking/cleaning/laundry for him. Very traditional guy, but at the same time, my mom wasn't happy i was dating a guy like that (ie. totally dependent on the mom/future wife).

 

Makes me wonder if there was something wrong with me for having been so accepting of that. Haha. I tend to be a tad bit more of a home-maker tendency than most girls I know.

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