verbatim_03 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Hey! Well I will try and keep this sort of condensed. it could take two hours to tell the whole story. PAST Myself and recent ex (1 month) have had a long and wonderful past 7 years together. We were high school sweethearts and made it through everything including some long distance. I am 3 years older so I moved away from our "small town" a couple years sooner, but still wanted to give our relationship a try. It did end up working out with a few minor glitches, and 3 years ago she moved to the same city and went to college. We were finally together, and our dreams of sharing our life seemed to be true! We had a great relationship. She finished school and moved in with me during her last semester. She got an Architecture Technologist diploma and got a job "downtown" in the big city. Sort of contrary to my job as a professional at a college (more laid back / stress-free / less-expectations) Now FFWD to May of this year, and we decided to finally move up in the world and buy a house. We searched for a while and finally found a home we could afford and was viable! We spent the better part of 4 months doing all sorts of renovations and fixing up to get it to where we wanted it! It was a bit stressful on our relationship however, due to the nature of the beast. I know that i started to get a little distant from her, and into a routine or working hard and then relaxing,... not paying as much attention to her as I should have. She did not really say much about it at the time though. The "Other"Guy This guy "James" we will refer too, also started his job around the same time Erin did, and has the same diploma from the same school. He was married in 2007 and seemed like an alright guy. I met him because due to "High-Parking" rates downtown he asked my g/f if she wanted to car-pool to work. We all know as guys, most people don't just go out of there way without some other motive. I brought the issue up a few times with her, and she only ever insisted that they were " just good friends". I left it at that and this continued until we bought our house. Once we moved, I assumed the car pooling stopped, and I really forgot about the issue. One day at a party she got a text message, and she got real nervous when I asked who it was from .. it was James and it said to the sort "hey cupcake how is your night?". I freaked and she just assured me he is very flirty. (very true according to other girls he knows) I Wanted to beat the guy up, but decided to take the high-road. FFWD another couple months... she out of nowwhere drops the "I dont know how I feel" bomb on me. She goes on to explain she has felt distant for about a year.. and tried to make things work in her mind, but she didnt think they could. She tells me "I need to go back to the small town to talk to my Mom". I agree and so she went. I later found out that she ended up talking to James at some point in the weekend, and that she said it was only due to an exam for work they were both studying for .. and "I dont have many friends" and "I like to talk to him". She returns back and tells me "I dont think I can ever feel the way I used too". By this point she has taken her necklace and Earings off.. and blah blah. I am right now and was devestated! She goes on to mention things like: -I never had a chance to be myself -You did not pay as much attention me as I needed -I felt like you did not love me -We are not right for each other Now i find a message on her facebook with the title "Sunday" saying "I think I am leaving around 1pm, After that I will be with (My Name) ... I hope it's okay I am facebooking you." What the **** does that mean? Maybe she did not want me to know she was talking to him because she knows I don't like him.. I dunno. I asked her about it and again she just said she needed someione to talk to. But she told me she was going to talk to her mom? And she never did that much because when I asked her she told me "not really". During all this time we had to live under the same roof for a couple days and she got into the habit of going to bed very early, not wanting to talk, and going to work really really early. (out of charachter, maybe she was just distancing herself from me) Now during our fight I bring this up of course, I asked her "If he was single would you date him" .. She said "Yes". I also noted numerous deleted txt messages, because there were other messages with no premise.. as in the original was gone etc. I asked her this as well... and she said "I don't delete messages, only when it's full". Which is B/S because everyone elses message was there. She also had a picture on her phone of just his face, that she could not explain how it got there.. just the answer of "I dont know". I also found a message stating to her mom that she was going "Out for dinner with a friend from work" Of course all these things were denied when asking her! To note, everyone did not see our relationship ending, including her parents. (I just try to keep in mind .. he's married right..) She moves out and keeps bugging me to tell her to I wont be coming home during this time. I know that James and another friend are helping her move out, but she wont tell me. FFWD.. She is now moved out and I give her a couple call's.. during some of these call's she seems very very weird, just not herself.. she keeps telling me sorry she's stressed and all.. but somthing does not feel right. She does tell me her address.. so I can drop some stuff off, but she seems hesitant. Now afterwards I cannot handle it so I send a message to his wife.. just noting the few things that had happened with them, and that I thought some of it was innapropriate. Telling her I am probably crazy and they are just "friends". She never responds and I leave it at that. I call her up this past Sunday and she tells me how happy she is and the like.. and that blah blah. I can tell she does not really want to talk.. She tells me " I am late for a lunch with friends from work" .. "I gotta go". I leave it at that.. The Bombshell So that night I browse to James's wife's profile and BANG!. BOOM! She is now listed as "SINGLE". I just about shat my pants. Is my intuition not wrong? Is there an affair? What about all the .. ahahahaha. I freak and calmly call my ex. I tell her.. "Hey .. Have you heard"? She tells me she did not know anything, and asked me how I knew. I told her that I had talked to her and she told me. During this whole past time, when I asked Erin if she had known anything about James situation she said she did not know. But I know she was talking to him about us.. like on that weekend etc. I give the benefit of the doubt and then again ask her if she had gone for lunch with James that day, because she told me they were going for lunch. She then tells me that she lied and just had a lot on her mind and needed to get off the phone. I calmy tell her I believe her and that if she needs to tell me anything she can. She tells me she will talk to me tomorrow and that she needs to go. I say okay. Following day I see her (she wants to come drop off some stuff suddenly) She comes over, and I ask her if "James" was at work today., she say's yes, and I asked her if she talked to him. She says yes and that he said he and his wife were in counciling and such, and that he had been living at his Mom's house for the past 3 months. Funny that my ex told me she has not really been feeling in love for the past year (Same amount of time that James and his now ex wife have had issues) Of course she keeps telling me over and over again that he is just a good friend. She tells me she knew nothing of this .. I find this very hard to believe... Now So what do I do.. our relationship is over, but I cannot get over this... If she has been lying and there is somthing on, I cannot be friends or even friendly with her. I would resent her, and lose all respect. I think she knows this and does not have the wit to tell me. I know she has lied about many little things, and I don't know if I can believe her telling me "there just friends". She always get's upset about the issue, and on the Sunday when I told her about James's breakup, she had a bit of a crying breakdown,, and went on and said "you never believe me anways". But the way she cried.. it felt like she had such guilt. I cannot explain it. If there was a relationship it would need to be hidden for many reasons: 1) The grounds for divorce on his end would turn into adultery / infidelity rather then just "in-rec differences 2) They both work on the same team for the same company, which would be looked highly highly down on 3) She would lose my complete respect and future possibility of friendship I don't know what to do. One parts tells me to drop and let it be, one part tells me I want to be friends with my ex and to believe her. One part hates James for fliriting and getting in the way of our relationship. One part tells me to keep pushing her for more answers. I know that eventually all things come to light, and truth surfaces. But I am having a hard hard time moving on with this on my mind. I don't think I am crazy, it just seems like TOO many coincidences to be blown off. I need advice... . -Should I wait until our house business is done, then lose it on her and let everything go for a while -Should I man up and ignore it, let it happen if its happening -Should I write her a detailed letter explaining all the things I feel, that way she cannot just turn off her hearing and not listen to me I just don't know. Part of me tells me she broke up with me because of James, the other for her real reasons of neededing space and not being in love anymore. But she never really tried to work out our issues. It all just seems so fast and sudden.. I need some advice for my next move and or opinions if I am crazy or not. I guess we are broken up as I said, but this outcome will dearly effect us. I also think she is just trying to keep friendly so we can work through getting our house matters in order. I think I might right her a note being honest, and letting her know exactly how I feel. She will not need to give me an answer, but at least that way SHE can live with the guilt not me. ADVICE!!!
Recommended Posts