PortuguesePrincess80 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Okay so here goes my story! I have been with my other half for 13 years..I am 29 he is 43. (Don't do the math)! LOL Needless to say we have a 10 yr old but have never gotten married. It was a mutual thing and something that didnt really make much of a difference since we found other ways to spend that money, as in purchasing cars and buying a home..etc... Well we have really hit a rough patch and I'm at a point where I think things couldn't get any worse. I'm not sure what his problem is but I really think depression or mid life has hit him and I basically just can't deal with it. He has a 22 yr old son from a previous relationship and well he just became a grandfather about 2 weeks ago. I have no ill feelings about this at all..and embrace and have embraced his son throughout the years. I just dont understand how this all happened. It started in the summer when he thought he was some hot shot driving and constitantly fixing up his mustang...and staying out very late on the weekends. He has never been the type to party..or drink..or stay out late for that matter. I on the other hand was going out with my best friend who had recently split from her husband. Now I know I may have pushed it a little..but he never communicated anything with me so I thought all was well. That was until he didnt come home one whole night..and arrived at noon the next morning. I can;t even begin to tell you all the emotions i had that night...I even started packing all my things and just wanted to leave. It was a total shocker to me and I really thought there was no other reason for him to be out that late or early unless he was with someone else. Well we have never gotten to the bottom of that to be quite honest but I really don't think thats the case anyhow. Either way..our relationship has more or less deteriorated since this happened which was in May or June. He has become full blown verbally abusive towards me and although he hasnt been out like that ever again it just seems like hes got this chip on his shoulder where I'm concerned. We lack major communication...we havent slept with each other in months and I'm just at a point where I'm ready to move on. I'm 29 and am certainly young enough to get on with my life. I have always been very independant and this is something that bothers him. I know I have said many things to him as well that might hurt his ego but well someones gotta defend themselves right? I just am at my wits end trying so hard to make things work..and having him put me down in front of our son like he does. The only thing he does for our family as far as I'm concerned is bring my son to school because I start work at 5 am. And I kid you not..this guy calls me every morning and whines about something. He doesnt seem happy in this relationship either..but makes no attempts to fix or dissolve things either!!! Should i be the one to make the first move?? How or what should I make of this. I have suggested counselling but says I'm the one with the problem. Oh and just one more thing...he is a marijuana user. Smokes them like cigarettes all day long..his job involves lots of driving so hes able to get away with it. What do you all make of this? Am I just wasting my time on someone who doesnt respect me?
liftedcj7on44s Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 So her is 43 years old and habitually smokes marijuana. Sounds like to me that he needs to grow up, he need's a wake up call and the only way for that to happen would be for you to leave him. If you have done all the talking to him that you can and are truely convinced that all the talking is not helping then I would say its time to leave.
lookin2wardthefuture Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 I feel for you, especially with the pot smoking. My STBXH has been smoking for years and he got a DUI last year. We've had many problems over the years, been to MC 4 times, but out relationship really took a nose dive after the DUI. I hated the pot, but I also could'nt stand him when he was'nt smoking. I'm convinced he's got borderline personality disorder, and the smoking really evened out his rollercoaster moods. We were together for over 20 years, and the older he got the more he smoked, and became lazier and lazier. The pot also became a gateway into porn use, which lead to infidelity. It is a gateway drug in many ways. You're very young and you have most of your life ahead of you. Give him an ultimatium of at least going to MC. If he won't, then it's probably time to move on. Another point that's very important, your child will figure out his father smokes pot. It is inevitable if you stay together. You can't make someone stop this type of behavior, they'll only quit if it's what THEY desire. Think carefully, pray and make good choices for you and your child. Good luck!!!
Author PortuguesePrincess80 Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 Well thanks for the feedback. Yes his pot smoking is a problem..but not a huge concern to me. He has been smoking more and more though throughout the years. After this past weekend..my family had a get together in honour of my fathers 14th year of passing. We all went to church and had a special mass in his honour..and then my mother took us all out to eat. He of course didnt come. He never attends any events when it comes to my family...but when it comes to his..I'm always there. Well I was furious when I got back and called his sister and mother to tell them they can forget about me coming to Xmas to their place this year. I explained to them EVERYTHING..and told them he needs help..that he's either depressed or losing his mind. They totally agreed with me and his sister said I don't blame you. Mother in law is a bit upset of course but thats her problem! All her kids have depression issues and she may too as a matter of fact. She's the type that bends over for her husband after he had an affair or her TWICE that resulted in children. Believe me...she would never tell me anything to my face...cause I would really have no problem throwing anything back in hers..and my spouse is totally aware of this too. I'm just at my wits end....and am actually looking forward to starting a new life with my son. I feel totally drained and sick of the change of emotions on a daily basis. One day he calls me names...the next he treats me well...its like a rollercoaster ride. I feel unstable and unsure!
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