leftyright1 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 I'm 32, my girlfriend is 26. We've been dating for 9 months. We both love each other and qualities in each other. Its not perfect, but I'd consider marrying this girl. We've talked about potentially marrying one day. One big issue - money. She's a student and has credit card debt yet is willing to spend over a thousand dollars on vacations b/c they are important to her. I'm much more budget oriented and feel like if I had debt (which I don't) that she'd want to pay this down first. I make much more than she does and have a good amount of savings. Granted, she is not working right now in a real job b/c of school (she does do some work but it pays little). I feel like she expects that I should pay for most everything since I am in a better spot financially and pay more for the vacation. I'm willing to pay a little more and I do pick up almost all dinners, etc... but I'm just starting to feel uncomfortable that she handles her money this way and/or that she expects I'd pay for everything now and wondering what she'll expect if we continue to date. Is it possible this breaks the relationship? Or do you think this can be worked through? Its making me sick.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 She might be expecting you (or some other guy) to pay her way. And if that is her goal, it's easy to get, if she prioritizes logistic$ over love. Have you ever talked with each other about money? I went into a small amount of personal debt during college because it was hard to make ends meet (did not take extravagant vacations, though), then paid it all back within a year of graduating, once I had a good job. But I never expected anyone to pay my way. If you are not OK paying her way for things, go Dutch.
calizaggy Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Some women are like that, and they WILL NOT change. Their money is their money. Your money is their money.. Any deviance from this makes you "cheap".
Blackfrost Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Some women are like that, and they WILL NOT change. Their money is their money. Your money is their money.. Any deviance from this makes you "cheap". Quoted for the truth! I learned this lesson the hardway once, and will never go through that again.
mem11363 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 I had a short - short list of compatibility criteria for potential mates: - Financial compatibility - which to me meant she had to be fiscally responsible. And she needed to show some respect for other peoples money including mine. This was actually my number 1 item. If you can't please a woman financially everything eventually breaks down. Including sex. - Sexual compatibility - Sense of humor - this is like brain sex to me - except you can do it all day long including in public and at parties - Adventurous likes to try new things - Kind and compassionate - Tough - just tough - Likes to read - Athletic/fit healthy lifestyle Someone who is pushing for the vacay like that without offering to pay a fair share - whatever that is - has a big sense of entitlement. I'm 32, my girlfriend is 26. We've been dating for 9 months. We both love each other and qualities in each other. Its not perfect, but I'd consider marrying this girl. We've talked about potentially marrying one day. One big issue - money. She's a student and has credit card debt yet is willing to spend over a thousand dollars on vacations b/c they are important to her. I'm much more budget oriented and feel like if I had debt (which I don't) that she'd want to pay this down first. I make much more than she does and have a good amount of savings. Granted, she is not working right now in a real job b/c of school (she does do some work but it pays little). I feel like she expects that I should pay for most everything since I am in a better spot financially and pay more for the vacation. I'm willing to pay a little more and I do pick up almost all dinners, etc... but I'm just starting to feel uncomfortable that she handles her money this way and/or that she expects I'd pay for everything now and wondering what she'll expect if we continue to date. Is it possible this breaks the relationship? Or do you think this can be worked through? Its making me sick.
DustySaltus Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Some women are like that, and they WILL NOT change. Their money is their money. Your money is their money.. Any deviance from this makes you "cheap". Couldn't agree more. SOME women like this will NEVER change. I've dated girls that would have $100 on them for the rest of the week. They would spend $90 on clothes and turn around and try to live off the other $10 for the rest of the week...or call me to see what I was doing (their meal plan). But I caught on real fast and ended it... I can see if she was working hard, she can do whatever she wants. She is in college so she is trying to make an investment in her future. i just think that in this case, as she makes more money you have to be careful that she won't want BIGGER vacations and toys for herself......
phineas Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 My soon to be ex is like this. She knew how much we made & knew what our debt load was but she kept spending behind my back & not paying off her debt like she claimed. Then bitched we could never afford to go away on vacation or go out on the weekends. I told her to find a better job if she wants to do that because 90% of my pay check is paying for my house & our wedding debt. no logic or sense income vs debt load. she found someone else to take her out & take her on vacation. well she's his problem now.
calizaggy Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 I think for some women, nothing turns them off more than saying "we cant afford this".. Or, "hey can you pay half this time" If she has this attitude now in school, don't plan on it changing when she is out of school, if she even can find a job.. Then her money will be going to a nicer car for herself, work clothes, shoes, her debt,make up, manic ures, hair appointments, eating out, etc etc. As with many women, they work just to afford to go to work. You will still be footing the bill for everything the 2 of you do together.
mem11363 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Trying to insist their financial plans/overspending results in immediate and relentless celibacy I think for some women, nothing turns them off more than saying "we cant afford this".. Or, "hey can you pay half this time" If she has this attitude now in school, don't plan on it changing when she is out of school, if she even can find a job.. Then her money will be going to a nicer car for herself, work clothes, shoes, her debt,make up, manic ures, hair appointments, eating out, etc etc. As with many women, they work just to afford to go to work. You will still be footing the bill for everything the 2 of you do together.
MadDriver Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Is she hot? (I.e. hypothetically speaking, is she young/hot enough to realistically make a living as a stripper?) If so, then there are many, many gentlemen out there who would be more than willing and happy to pay (and pay a lot) for your girlfriend's "lavish" lifestyle. And I put it in quotes because I think you underestimate how much $$$ these guys are willing to throw at her. Like most men, I do not think you have a complete picture of your true competition. So why is she still with you? She is either (A) really not stripper-hot (just slightly above average perhaps); or if she is that hot, then (B) she has a heart of gold.
TaraMaiden Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t210279/ Yeh, why are you posting this exact same post/thread yet again?
calizaggy Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 I think one mistake I have made in the past is believing all women want to be fair and equal. While society tells us men and women are now equal, men think of that as "Ok, all women will be with me because they like me for me, and they want to pull their own weight financially" I feel many women have very definied views of what the role of the man is (provide for me financially), but common political correctness does not allow a woman to openly state this. I have dated women that make as much or more than me, and very very few looked as their money as something to be shared mutually. I was recently debating a "feminist" type ex girlfriend who has just earned her masters. She has about 70k in debt, no job, credit card bills, no house etc. She was telling me the story of a recent date she went on, but it could never go anywhere, because he does not own his own home, and drives an older car. She spouts off about "equality" all the time, yet still likes the old fashioned rules in which the man pays for EVERYTHING. Keep in mind she does not own her own car, lives for free with friends, and has not had a job in years. Men must simply overlook all of this, and just lover her for her. This becomes a touchy situation, because if a woman openly admits this, the reference could be drawn that she is "acting like a hooker", or she is a "gold digger" etc. So if you are with this woman, either pay for everything she wants happily and maybe get a second job, or tell her your views on money, and if she does not respect them be prepared to move on. But i doubt she will happily start paying half for things like vacations, or be willing to forego them if she already has the "man pays" mindest.
espec10001 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 She should try prostitution if she's attractive.
calizaggy Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 She should try prostitution if she's attractive. You know, I think that is the dream of many many women.. I cannot say I blame them. As for the OP'S example, if Megan Fox asked him to spend 1000 on a vacation, I doubt he would be having second thoughts about opening his wallet..that women is hot and sexy, and spending a week with her, and being in a relationship with her is worth more than the money. I do not think women want to be street walkers, but they love the idea of being that wanted by a man, that he never asks them to contribute money. What they are trading is beauty and sex, for money. Of course in their minds it is rationalized and worded differently. They "might say a man should offer "security", or "be generous", or "successful", etc. But usually when a man's spending dries up, so does something else.
espec10001 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 You know, I think that is the dream of many many women.. I cannot say I blame them. As for the OP'S example, if Megan Fox asked him to spend 1000 on a vacation, I doubt he would be having second thoughts about opening his wallet..that women is hot and sexy, and spending a week with her, and being in a relationship with her is worth more than the money. I do not think women want to be street walkers, but they love the idea of being that wanted by a man, that he never asks them to contribute money. What they are trading is beauty and sex, for money. Of course in their minds it is rationalized and worded differently. They "might say a man should offer "security", or "be generous", or "successful", etc. But usually when a man's spending dries up, so does something else. If there is one thing I've learned about women, and speaking in generalizations, is that the majority of women want attention. A man pays a woman attention, his eyes are fixed on her. That is one thing they want. It the reason they wear makeup, dress up, and do the cute things they do. It is the reason why wives fall out of love from their husbands because they don't pay the wife enough attention, so she looks elsewhere for a man who will. In many instances having the opportunity to pay attention to a woman also involves money, because without it you cannot take her places. And when you take her places she not only gets showered with attention from you, she gets showered with attention by other men. The more attention a woman receives from men, the more "powerful" she becomes. Thus she can lure men, entice them, make them do things they normally wouldn't do or say, and in many instances lose all common sense. But in certain times men come across females that they simply cannot resist, their beauty is mesmerizing. There is some truth in the myths of the succubus. But therein lies a deeper mystery of the feminine, why do they want the attention?
calizaggy Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 And when you take her places she not only gets showered with attention from you, she gets showered with attention by other men. ? This is SOOO true.. I dated a girl who was EXTREMELY jealous. I was always and constantly being accused of having a wandering eye...However, when we went out, I could tell she enjoyed all the other men checking her out, and held her self in a way to facililitate this.
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