cutygirl Posted December 17, 2003 Posted December 17, 2003 Hey, just wonder why some men avoid to talk about their ex- ? I wanna know more about my bf's past, but when reaching the topic of his past relationship, he just keeps his mouth zip. I know a little bit of his past relationship, and he told me he had been in BAD relationship and that's all. Please reply.
dyermaker Posted December 18, 2003 Posted December 18, 2003 Stop pushing it! In a relationship, it's important to only talk about the past if both people are comfortable. He's not. I think as long as he's concerned with the present, you shouldn't persist about his past. The more you push for it, the more it'll push him away.
Tony T Posted December 18, 2003 Posted December 18, 2003 I don't think it's good manners to talk about past relationships with a current partner. The past is the past and it's over...lessons learned. Life should be lived forward. Nothing is accomplished by discussing the past, especially if it's just for the benefit of somebody's inappropriate curiosity. If you're enjoying the person you're with, there's no reason to learn about people they've dated. There are too many other things about the person that can be learned. I would always feel that if I talked about people I had dated in the past to any detailed extent, the person I was with would wonder if one day I would be likewise talking about her.
Thinkalot Posted December 18, 2003 Posted December 18, 2003 Too many details about the past has not helped me or my boyfriend. Try not to push too much.
AprilFool Posted December 18, 2003 Posted December 18, 2003 What about the intimacy issue? I personally like it when my husband divulges peices of his past, because it indicates to me that he doesn't share intimate secrets with that person. See, there's this one girl from his past that he has shared little more about than her name. In my deep dark thoughts, I wonder if he still loves her, and wants to keep the memories they share between them. That's why I want to know about his past. I don't want him to have intimate secrets or memories with ayone but me. I want him to be completely open and candid with me. I don't want him to have anything special between him and anyone else. He's MY husband. That's my feelings. I don't know why anyone wouldn't want to share the past with the person they love. Of course, there's one secret that I haven't told my husband about my past because it's so embarassing...I haven't told ANYONE.
Errol Posted December 18, 2003 Posted December 18, 2003 Be careful what you ask for. Sometimes just knowing the past can destroy the present.
locogurl Posted December 19, 2003 Posted December 19, 2003 They can't really talk about it because they don't have a clue as to what happened! If you want to know what really happened and not just their story you need to talk to the X yourself. After living with a guy all of the complaints he had about his X will make sense and mostly they will be his failings and not hers. I've seen that my DH told me stuff about his X and later I felt that she was probably justified for feeling as she did and probably was not as bad as he had told me. He was making me crazy in just the same way he had complained about her. For instance, he complains that she doesn't trust him with other women and then it turns out he had cheated on her and then later on he cheats on you. So was she so bad to take her kid (not by him) and never have anything to do with him again? Or to blow up his car or to clean out the bank account... There are always two sides to any story - so if he tells you he was a victim of an evil woman... ask your self what did he do to piss her off that bad! I'd refuse to have anything to do with a guy who's X is an enemy. There's something he did to get her there.
Hippiechic592000 Posted May 4, 2004 Posted May 4, 2004 I really think that men who you are involved with should tell you honesty everything as to any skeletons in a closet? So later down the road you don't get a big shock. As I have.
Clarity Posted May 6, 2004 Posted May 6, 2004 Originally posted by Errol Be careful what you ask for. Sometimes just knowing the past can destroy the present. Errol has an incredibly valuable point. My relationship is teetering on the verge of destruction due to many factors but one of the hugest is exactly this: Before we hooked-up 3 years ago, my boyfriend (referred to as "S") and I had been teenage flings, broke-up but remained dear friends the whole time (20 years), then hooked-up 3 years ago and moved-in together last summer. I was always his most treasured confidante and we both knew it and treasured it. He could talk to me about everything. Literally everything no matter how deep or held-in. Then, a few years ago, I broke up with my partner of 12 years while meanwhile S's marriage was splitting-up and shortly after we hooked-up. During our break-ups he even confided in me all the way through his divorce, moving away from his kid, through the death of his dad and through alot of painful changes, loss and hard revelation he was bearing. To make a long story short, in the meantime, as he was divorcing and he and I were getting together, my mind would wander to all the stuff I knew about his past relationships and it always destroyed my trust, my faith, my self-confidence and our communication. I'd remember how he'd treat his ex's in what I thought were similiar arguments or circumstances and compare his behavior with them and me. I still do it. I now often wish I new nothing about his past and so does he . It's pretty heart breaking, to be honest...... I do think it's good for a couple to be able to open up to each other but in all honesty my advice is to be careful that your own doubts and insecurities don't rear their ugly heads if or when he opens up. Even if you feel you can handle it, I thing human nature just seems to kick in and depending on your levels of self-esteem, simple knowledge of one night stands or anything are enough to cause an argument or distrust that could have been left out of the relationship otherwise. Whatever ends up happening good luck.
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