McGrupp Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 when i think about what tore my relationship apart, its not so much that I had to see her, but more that i just didnt trust her. that stems from insecurity of her cheating on me last year. if my trust issues had been delt with, if me and her sat down and talked, or if i was my secure, i think we couldve salvaged something. instead i accused her of cheating when she became distant. i was insecure that there was someone else. if there was there was another, there is nothing i could do about it anyway, so why the worry and mistrust? damn.
Author McGrupp Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 (edited) this is all coming to terms thts why im writing it out. co-dependcy not so much as we lived apart 3 nights a week. jealousy, fear and insecurity to the point where i cant even talk to her. then yes thats what destroyed my relationship and where that insecurity stems from is her last year asking to go to her bday event without me and with 2 co-workers (male) to a bar. of course i said im not cool with that. then she got all defensive. so i sat for a day or 2. said if were going to have a relationship i will trust you. and then the next day when she told me she made out with one of the guys, my trust fell down like jenga blocks. she apologized and said she would change her ways. and she did for the most part. i can really only blame myself as there were no signs of anyone else this year, only signs i made up in my head. we never really discussed it too much. i would bring it up a lot though as jokes. so yeah. i guess it wasnt meant to be or something Edited December 8, 2009 by McGrupp
puppydog Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 (edited) yeah i know what you mean. the issues that tore apart my relationship was trust (on both sides) and insecurity. he broke my trust in a huge way in the beginning of the relationship but i was carrying around resentment and having to forgive him for what he did whenever the thoughts came up. i broke his trust by doing a couple one-day breakups and the final breakup. I think my resentment was expressed by pushing him away from me constantly, a form of rejection, for hurting me so early on in my relationship. For the longest time, I wondered why I acted the way that I did. after much introspection it turns out I felt on some level that I couldn't trust him. For my ex and I, both of our actions contributed to the breakup. Hindsight is 20/20. Despite all this, I totally thought/still think that trust is rebuildable. I still think this but at this point I don't think either of us would look at each other the same way. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Clean slates are great, but I got the figurative door slammed in my face yesterday. Haha. I made my peace that I've tried everything I could. Edited December 8, 2009 by puppydog
LovelyDaze Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Just know that you TRIED to talk to your exes, guys. My ex and I supposedly had that "closure" talk. I was honest to the point that I couldn't have possibly held anything back. I told him I loved him, missed him, was willing to work on things, etc. Nothing. You can't talk to them a 2nd, 3rd, 4th time or more to where the ex will say, "You know, after the 5th time we've talked and i have realized just how much I love you."...um, no. None of our exes is going to do that. Just let it go, leave new things unsaid and realize this person doesn't even know your worth. You shouldn't have to convince, trick or manipulate a person to be with you...they need time to miss you, not see or talk with you to decide if they have any heart left in them to reach out to you. If not, why rake your heart over the coals when you could be in a place of healing by then?
puppydog Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Just let it go, leave new things unsaid and realize this person doesn't even know your worth. Funny you say that. I think that he's so totally pissed/resentful that I didn't see HIS worth when I broke up with him. If anything, his pride will prevent him from ever changing his mind. Quote I heard from a movie "Are you the best that its ever going get for her/him" I can honestly say without a doubt YES. (If I had just been given a second chance to fix one character flaw that bothered him) But is he the best that it'll get for me? Definitely not. All my friends have been saying from the get-go that I can do better. Even my ex's friends have told me on the side that he doesn't deserve me. I know I know, ego check needed express aisle haha. I swear, my confidence has skyrocketed after being broken up.
LovelyDaze Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 LOL! No, that is an awesome quote! I KNOW my ex's new girlfriend is beyond the lowest he can do. So, awhile back when he was trying to hang out with me (WHILE he was engaged!), he showed me just how many times she texts. We counted 17 times in a matter of 1 HOUR! This is her regular deal. She lives 1500 miles away & texts him stuff like, "I am eating a grape" or " Why didn't you text me..it's been 8 minutes!" (true story) He said he hated it but I believe he loved the maniacal drama of her. His sister calls it smothering and he said his sister hates his new fiancee' to death and still was asking about me and wanting us to work out. A smothering girlfriend? He can keep that hot mess. I will keep my dignity and class in check. I hope they do marry so that she can be on his balls about every little thing like she does now. I will look so good in comparison! Won't go back to him but at least I won't be the crazy, nagging smothering wife!
Author McGrupp Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 **** it/ im tired of the overanalyzing bs. i need to live. i can be here in 9 months-1year still pinning analyzing...blah i gotta get on with it. i ****ed up. ya know. i became the crazy ex. sucks. but well...live and learn? and masturbate
puppydog Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Haha. We all live and learn McGrupp. Just don't do it again. Just nurture the confidence that's in you already. Confidence is SEXY. Just keep telling yourself that you deserve ONLY THE BEST...until one day you'll actually believe it.
Author McGrupp Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 GOD I WONT. seriously i hope i love again.
puppydog Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 You will. When you meet the right person, your ex won't even be a second thought. Just make sure you learn from your mistakes. I know I can't wait til I meet my next new love. I know he's out there.
JL911 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 A good slap in the face would help ya a bit McGrupp... Seriously...theres 2 kinds of people in this world...there are givers and takers...Im sorry you found yourself a taker, who no matter how much you gave to would never have enough...Cant believe you actually talked to her after she cheated on you...Thats when you man up grow a spine and leave her ass... She may have had the rest of the qualities that you so desire, but in reality i would sacrifice a lot to find a giver over a taker...It never works out in the long run with a taker...They eventually get burned out on your generocity...It took me about 3 months after my breakup to realize what a taker my ex was, it was pretty easy to see, because outside of sex, I really couldnt see or remotely remember too many things that she ever did just to be nice and sweet to me or show me she appreciated me as a person...I could literally count the great generous things she did for me over almost 4 years on one hand... The giving and taking aspect of things are instilled in them by their parents and their upbringing...This is the time of year where you really can see who is a giver, and who is a taker...It always is the thought that counts...My ex would literally get $2000 worth of xmas gifts and spend maybe a few hundred on her family in return...
Author McGrupp Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 i think she was a giver. i mean she gave me $400 yankee tickets for valentines day and cooked for me almost every night. she did apologize a **** load after making out with the dude and did come and knock my door down to get me back. i really blame myself. i did walk away. but then came back (with gifts) cause it was her bday. she said she didnt deserve them and i still gave them to her. im not sure why im living in the past. my future could be so bright.
Kaya Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Maybe we live in the past because we don't want to let it go. Holding onto something that is gone futile. We can however, revisit the past as part of trying to learn and make sense of what happened. Just don't stay there for too long. Put on those shades:cool: and look forward to that brighter future.
nobmagnet Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 mcGrupp, cut yourself some slack some people bring out the worst in us.........some the best. Dont give up on yourself self belief and self worth are the most attractive aspects of a person and If you work on them you will be the most attractive man on the planet!!!!!!!! I have been out twice since my break up and pulled both times!! hahaha hey I am not interested in a relationship but because I am happy and content in my own skin I was irrisistable. I wish you would try to see the good in you.xx
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