knime32 Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Why is it that people give up on a perfectly good relationship for the off set chance that there may be something better out there? My boyfriend and I of 6 years recently broke up and I can't figure out for the life of me where it came from and why it happend other than his explanation that he needed to find himself. There were no signs and the relationship was going great. Within the last 4 months, he was discussing marriage with all of our friends and had even told a few of them that he was planning to propose but never followed through. I feel like I have a guy who is ready to make a deeper committment but just won't do it. A few of his friends and some of his family have suggested that its because he's a guy and he's scared he may be missing out on something and he needs to experience more. We've broken up a few times before for similar reasons, but we always seem to find each other again. Why does this keep happening and will it always continue to happen? What should I do? I love him and I don't want to smother him but I don't want to lose him our what we have. I've been having no contact with him since the breakup a week ago, but how long must I go before I know that there's something still there or I just need to give up on us and move on? What happens once I've started the process and he comes back? I'm trying to cope with losing my best friend and my soul mate..and I don't know what to do or how to accept it!
Author knime32 Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 Does anyone have any advice that can help me get through this situation?
USMCHokie Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 A few of his friends and some of his family have suggested that its because he's a guy and he's scared he may be missing out on something and he needs to experience more. Being a guy is irrelevant. Girls are just as apt to do this. I'm flying back home...will give you a better answer in 24 hours...
Author knime32 Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 I completely understand and know that girls are just as apt to do it as guys are. It just happens to be in my case that it is the guy. Sorry for making an over generalization on men as a whole and not including females as well.
Kantor Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Sounds like he 'may' suffer from commitmentphobia. I've been there, and am there. Didn't realize it until after the girl was gone and wouldn't take me back. Read He's Scared, She's Scared by Stephen Carter - It may help, It may open a new door to why hes acting the way he is. Your boyfriend sounds just like me, I up in left a perfectly good relationship because I got scared because things were going TOO well.
Author knime32 Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 Thanks for the advice. People have been telling me to just move on, but I can't help to think that we would have been together for 6 years if there wasn't something there. I agree with thinking that he has commitmentphobia, but how long does it last and how long do you know before you realized you made the wrong decision? I hate to see our relationship go down the drain because he's scared to make a committment, for whatever reasons he has. I've never put pressure on him to make a serious committment yet. I still feel we're really young and although I'm ready for a serious committment, I don't want to enter one if he isn't ready and I was willing to wait until he was. but now that we've broken up, how long do I wait to know if its just fear or if its really over?
Kantor Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 We'll you can't do anything. He has to do it... and I don't know when he will if ever. My problem was I found out the problem I had but the damage had already been inflicted, she doesn't want to be hurt again and won't allow herself to go back to me. If he doesn't want you back there is nothing you can do, and anything you try will probably push him away, like I pushed her away.
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