knime32 Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Why is it that people give up on a perfectly good relationship for the off set chance that there may be something better out there? My boyfriend and I of 6 years recently broke up and I can't figure out for the life of me where it came from and why it happend other than his explanation that he needed to find himself. There were no signs and the relationship was going great. Within the last 4 months, he was discussing marriage with all of our friends and had even told a few of them that he was planning to propose but never followed through. I feel like I have a guy who is ready to make a deeper committment but just won't do it. A few of his friends and some of his family have suggested that its because he's a guy and he's scared he may be missing out on something and he needs to experience more. We've broken up a few times before for similar reasons, but we always seem to find each other again. Why does this keep happening and will it always continue to happen? What should I do? I love him and I don't want to smother him but I don't want to lose him our what we have. I've been having no contact with him since the breakup a week ago, but how long must I go before I know that there's something still there or I just need to give up on us and move on? What happens once I've started the process and he comes back?
Author knime32 Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 Does anyone have any advice that could help me in my current situation?
LovelyDaze Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Yes. I am going through something similar. My ex dumped me cold hearted and then not to long after he got ENGAGED to someone else...he calls me up and wants to see if we still can go out(well probably not just go out but sex I am sure.) What helps me is to write it all out and see how it looks on paper: My ex dumped me without a care in the world, is now engaged, wants me to cheat WITH him. Looks s*itty, doesn't it? My ex is a jerk, plain and simple. My heart holds on to the good in him but my mind knows that if I give in, I will just end up in a vicious cycle of us breaking up and making up and breaking up again. The pieces of a heart can only withstand so much glue and tape before we just need to stop trying to fix it altogether. Continue NC. Period.
Author knime32 Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 I've sat down and made a list and things really weren't bad and still aren't bad. I honestly think that my guy freaked over committment issues and having to give up every other opportunity that life might afford him. He really isn't a bad guy and has good intentions. I think because its been so soon, and its happend before, a little NC and time will etiher solve the problem between us, or we'll go our separate ways. We've been together since we were 16 and I think that those emotions are a little bit more understandable in the situation. I know that first loves and young loves typically don't last, but it doesn't mean that all don't and all aren't capable of working and lasting a lifetime. We've broken up before but we've found each other and made it work and were geniuenly happy. He had been talking to friends about proposing and starting a life together and I think he thinks he's ready for it, but isn't ready to give up all the maybes in life.
LovelyDaze Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 It just hurts even me that you are leaning more on the side that he will return. The only way to heal or even have a chance at a better reconciliation is to not call,text,e-mail him for anything. Not for a lost sweater, not to get a favorite book back, not for one last talk. Nothing. If you decide to break NC and talk to him, I can see where yes, he may miss and end up with you again for a little while but he will just remember the reason why he left in the first place and leave you again, bringing you back on this site broken hearted for the 2nd time by him. Let him come to you...you deserve AT LEAST that. We all can't tell you what to do but I will suggest you assume he is gone for good. Do NC, live your life, function as normally as humanly possible, hang out with family and/or friends and dismiss the dreamy notion of reconciling with him. Remember, there are people who have been with(even married) to their true love for 10, 20 and even 40 years before one ends up walking out on the whole thing. I have read relationship books and blogs of these things happening and the horror is just unimaginable. You don't want to be these people. They now have to start new lives after being around the same person for decades AND deal with the hurt of that same person basically saying, "We've been married 26 years, have three beautiful kids ,a beautiful home and um...I have a new girlfriend I've been in love with for 3 of those years and I am leaving you today to move in with her...okay bye!" Nah, I'll do NC now while the getting's good and never look back.
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