stoneymirror Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 (edited) I'm finding it so difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with my girlfriend of 1 year. I've read the "Walking on Eggshells" thread and a few others relating to relationships and I feel like my gf has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). She's sweet one minute, but the next it can be an explosion. The littlest things set her off and before I know it she's verbally abusive. She swears, says the F-word in every sentence, tells me how she can't deal with this relationship, the list goes on and on. It always comes back around to something I did to trigger her reaction. Most of the time there's no justification to her spouts. So I've learned to just remain calm in those circumstances and let her destroy herself. She basically makes every situation worse cause she can't control her emotions and anger. She does come from a rough upbringing. Her father died early, and her mother left her and she's been taking care of her two siblings for almost 15 years. She has told me she has abandonment issues and finds it difficult to not push people away out of fear. All this is just so overwhelming, and I'm fearful that she will never change her ways and will always blow up on me over the most trivial of things. She makes me feel guilty for so many things and I'm always a pushover and try and take more responsibilty for our fights. Unfortunately she's never changed her ways and continues to react like a light switch. She's either happy, or she's pissed off beyond belief. Her anger is pushing me away and I'm begining to feel very manipulated by all this. She has now recently appeared to me as being more selfish than ever before. I do so much for her and I feel like I've been really going out of my way to show her how much I care, but it's never enough, and when she's angry it all comes out and I turn into this selfish person in her eyes. It really tears me down. I really need help to either get out of this relationship or discover ways to cope with her emotional rollercoaster. She blew up at me the other day cause I asked if she was ready to leave a convenience store. She got overly frustrated because I was being selfish or whatever, when all I asked was if she was ready to leave. She then proceeded to go off on how awful this relationship is and how I've got so much pride, couldn't say I was sorry, and now it's her Birthday this weekend and she broke down saying how the world hates her, and her life is in shambles and it's just a huge pitty party. I hate being caught in this I really want out. Edited December 8, 2009 by stoneymirror
Torn_apart Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 My ex has this issue too. Blowing up over the smallest issues and mood swings; one moment shes all nice and sweet, the other shes all pensive. I thought it'd help by showing her more care but she seemed to get more distant as i gave her more care. well, i can't say i know what to do in your situation. Therapy might help. I didn't have to think of what to do because she dumped me for another guy.
Author stoneymirror Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 sounds like she wasn't ready for any sort of commitment. I'm feeling pretty confident my girl wouldn't leave me, but you never know. Her mother walked out on her father, so that scares me a little
dietpepsi Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 What has happened when you try to confront her about your feelings on her anger or have you? (of course in a caring nature, if it was during a fight already, that probably was a bad time)
Author stoneymirror Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 What has happened when you try to confront her about your feelings on her anger or have you? (of course in a caring nature, if it was during a fight already, that probably was a bad time) Well she's very stubborn and pushes me by telling me I triggered her emotional distress. Most of the time she doesn't want to admit to it until after the fact when she realizes how she acted. Sometimes she says so many bad things she doesn't even remember saying certain things to me. It's always this huge dramatic ordeal that always ends with her saying how she can't do this anymore, she usually leaves in a rage or hangs up on me over the phone. When things are calm she can open up and talk a bit more, but I'm not confident any of it is sticking, cause she keeps displaying the same behavior time and time again.
NopeNah Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 That's no way to live. Time to take a step back and re-evaluate your relationship.
Author stoneymirror Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 What really sucks is that it's her bday this weekend and I'm having all these mixed feelings. I want to show her how much I care and get her some real nice gifts but I feel like the harder I try the more it feels like it's never enough. I'm really stuck here, cause if I take a step back right now it's gonna look like I don't care about her at all and am really selfish. I guess I just don't know what to do
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