Pizzaman81 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 1. He only wants you for sex. 2. If you are OK with that - continue f*cking him. 3. If you are not, cut contact and do not see him ever again. Mmm I can kind of see where the guy's coming from. He's probably more adventurous in different sex positions and want a girl who can also spice up and make the bedroom experience more creative and exciting. I know in my past relationships that's really important to me! However, I don't think I would simply not be with an amazing woman if she wouldn't try these different positions. So in that way, he may be very selfish and you need to watch out for his intentions.
sumdude Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 OP did you ever explain to him that penetration can be uncomfortable or painful to you? If so maybe the two of you can find a way together and learn to enjoy it. Try looking at it this way. You're both in college and learning. He's clearly not the most experienced guy or he is just that selfish. Knowing lots of positions doesn't mean experience, could just be porn knowledge. It has more to do with being able to gauge your partners reactions as well as communicate with them. Tell him how you feel, what feels good, what feels not so good. Either way if there's not much relationship outside of sex and you want more then you should probably let this one go if it doesn't change soon.
jw90063 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Mmm I can kind of see where the guy's coming from. He's probably more adventurous in different sex positions and want a girl who can also spice up and make the bedroom experience more creative and exciting. I know in my past relationships that's really important to me! However, I don't think I would simply not be with an amazing woman if she wouldn't try these different positions. So in that way, he may be very selfish and you need to watch out for his intentions. I can see why the guy is aggravated, but he does seem selfish. She hasn't dated him that long. He has the nerve to tell her if things don't change he is out. Sounds to me he has some issues that need changing as well. I don't think any nice, respectful guy is going to respond in the way he has. I think it's time to look elsewhere. I think his behavior is a sign of what is to come in the future. If he just wants sex, then seriously go find it and quit wasting her time.
edward-e Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 actually jersey shortie, i was referring more to what he thinks because she already told us what she thinks, and instantly everyone acts like hes a jerkoff. theyve been "together", meaning having random sex, for 2 weeks. i hardly relate that to a relationship where he has to go out of his way to make her feel good. if thats the case, maybe she should try making herself feel good before she starts dating and sleeping with dudes almost right away. I was more trying to say that from a guys point of view its been 2 weeks and if shes gunna put it out there MOST men are gunna take it and think well it sucks already might as well get mine...
Kamille Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 I can see why the guy is aggravated, but he does seem selfish. She hasn't dated him that long. He has the nerve to tell her if things don't change he is out. Sounds to me he has some issues that need changing as well. I don't think any nice, respectful guy is going to respond in the way he has. I think it's time to look elsewhere. I think his behavior is a sign of what is to come in the future. If he just wants sex, then seriously go find it and quit wasting her time. I do think we're interpreting his words negatively - and these are words reported from the OP herself. At the time of the conversation, they didn't even make her feel uncomfortable. He told me that sex is kind of important to him so if that didnt improve along with the general awkward feelings then he couldnt stay. See, the way I read this, he was telling her what was important to him. Sex and feeling comfortable with a partner is important to me too. So, like some of the guys here, I do understand where he is coming from. Intimacy in a couple is important to him. So a lack of it is therefore a dealbreaker for him. I'm not saying he handled it gracefully. Just that I don't think he deserves a flaming, especially since he agreed to work on the issue with the OP.
sfsassy Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 I do think we're interpreting his words negatively - and these are words reported from the OP herself. At the time of the conversation, they didn't even make her feel uncomfortable. See, the way I read this, he was telling her what was important to him. Sex and feeling comfortable with a partner is important to me too. So, like some of the guys here, I do understand where he is coming from. Intimacy in a couple is important to him. So a lack of it is therefore a dealbreaker for him. I'm not saying he handled it gracefully. Just that I don't think he deserves a flaming, especially since he agreed to work on the issue with the OP. The guy I'm dating entered into marriage without sex. His ex said it would be different once they were married, but it didn't improve. They ended up having a sexless marriage, and though they loved each other, they divorced for this reason. (This was WAYYYYYYYYYY before I met him.) We didn't have sex for awile, but we were sexual pretty early on, and he made it known it was a factor, as it is to me. We are slowly having better sex each time, but it started a little rocky, and we both knew if it didn't improve, it wouldn't work with us . The positions seem weird, but an ex did that the first time we had sex, and we had a great time. He was very adventorus sexually, but then so am I. And I rather like the messiness, loss of control of sex. But if the OP isn't into that and is more traditional in some ways, then maybe he isn't the guy for her.
JerseyShortie Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 theyve been "together", meaning having random sex, for 2 weeks. i hardly relate that to a relationship where he has to go out of his way to make her feel good. Let me get this straight, you expect her to go out of her way, and by going out of her way she should be "improving" the quality of sex between them but you don't expect him to go out of his way to make her feel good. You basically just said that he has no responsiblity toward meeting any of her needs. Meanwhile, you previously defended him and his demands on her to meet his. iif thats the case, maybe she should try making herself feel good before she starts dating and sleeping with dudes almost right away. I was more trying to say that from a guys point of view its been 2 weeks and if shes gunna put it out there MOST men are gunna take it and think well it sucks already might as well get mine... So now women can't feel good and sleep with a guy right away? Grow up. Women like sex too. Love how you completely made derogatory comentary about women that have sex quickly and forget to say anything about men that have sex quickly. Most boys will take what they can get. Most men will act with respect and integrity. Because only little boys have the mentality of " I might as well get mine". You know it. I know it.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 Finally he started pounding on me really hard so I knew he was trying to finish... at that point it started to hurt more and I genuinely wanted it to be over. The mood afterward was a bit awkward..... and this whole situation occurred maybe twice more until he finally brought it up last night. Last night he told me that he could feel the awkwardness when we were having sex, and sometimes just in general. He told me that sex is kind of important to him so if that didnt improve along with the general awkward feelings then he couldnt stay. After that I finally blurted out that his breath was bothering me, which was a reason for a lot of awkwardness. He totally laughed about that and said he's fix that no problem. As for the sex, I tried to explain that it was awkward for me because I've pretty much only had sex in the missionary position... and it hurt a bit too. I told him I didn't want to feel judged about sex so early on in this "relationship" or whatever it is that we have. He told me that he's not judging me but it seemed that when we have sex "my body is there but my mind isnt". Ughhhh, the whole thing is a little weird... Please, any advice you can offer would help for sure. This is a sick freak of a guy - D.T.M.F.A. !!
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 he does this weird thing where he doesnt ask if he can come over... he TELLS me. He says, "What are you doing on Thursday?" and if I have no plans he says "I'm staying at your place". I laughed about that at first but it's starting to irk me...) More evidence: D.T.M.F.A. !!
edward-e Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 they had sex from the first second they met from what shes told us, so right now its just a sexual relationship being that they know nothing about each other. so since she wanted it to be more she asked him and he agreed. what is wrong with that? what did this guy actually do wrong? i was simply stating that this guy probably thought she didnt care at all and wasnt that into him the first time and was "TRYING" to switch positions hoping that it would help get her off. if u read my post thats what i was saying. after awhile he was probably like well w/e shes not gunna get off so im just gunna finish. i would really like to know what was wrong with that? AND as for women going out trying to have sex, that has nothing to do with it. i dont really care if a girl wants to have sex with guys on the first night. good for them and more power to them. i was stating that since she feels so akward and weird about having sex and penetration she shouldnt rush into things and she should take her time until shes with someone thats understanding. by the way, thanks for proving the little boys do this and MEN do this statement i made earlier, because though im not out whoring myself every night i ahve friends that do this and as soon as they say they dont want a relationship they are instantly referred to as a "little boy". just because someone doesnt wanna be with u and u were willing to sleep with them, that doesnt mean they arent a man.
jw90063 Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 This is a sick freak of a guy - D.T.M.F.A. !! After reading it again, he just sounds real immature and a jerk. I don't care what anyone says.
Author kimflute26 Posted December 10, 2009 Author Posted December 10, 2009 (edited) *Update* After I sent him the message telling him exactly how I feel, I ran into him that night while on campus. He suggested we sit down outside and talk for a bit. When we started talking he asked me if I really meant everything that I wrote and I told him "yes" I did... As for that stuff about him leaving if the sex didnt get better, he told me he didn't mean it the way it sounded. Granted, the way he said it seemed to imply that he meant it that way... but it is true that he never DIRECTLY said "If the sex doesn't get better I'll walk away." It was more along the lines of "Things have been feeling awkward and it seems like when we have sex you aren't enjoying it... Now if this didn't improve I would be the first to walk away, but if it did I would be the first to start something." Ok, so it still sounds kind of bad I know. But he did apologize a lot for it, repeatedly saying that it was a stupid thing to say and it sounded really bad, not at all the way he intended it to. He also specifically said "I really like you a lot and I don't just want you for sex." I also am trying to remember that this guy is colombian and Enlgish isn't his first language... so sometimes certain things he says are construed in ways he may not want them to.... This isn't to say I'm not keeping an eye on the situation. Actions speak louder than words for sure. Oh, and I addressed the issue of him telling me he's coming over instead of asking. He said it was meant to be kind of a joke, but that he would ask from now on. Good news is that he's said we really don't need to have sex right now... we've made plans to cook something together tomorrow night... we'll see how things go. I'm also not totally convinced about the whole breath situation either. If I find that that is going to be a problem then nothing else would keep me around anyway..... lol. We shall see how the dice rolls. Edited December 10, 2009 by kimflute26
hoping2heal Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 I started seeing this guy at my university about 2 weeks ago. He's very attractive and I like a lot of things about him... but there are some weird "issues" that have come up that I haven't yet experienced in any kind of relationship. Even though there was definitely chemistry between us I noticed that his breath wasnt always that great (actually, it bothered me much of the time). I was too scared to say anything about it that fear of hurting his feelings (but I finally told him yesterday... more on that later). I wanted to wait a bit to have sex with him because I didnt want him to sleep with me and run like a couple other guys have done.... but one day I came over to his place (not thinking we would have sex... but yeah, you know how that goes) and we did it for the first time. It actually was sort of awkward because he wanted me to do positions that I had never done before... and penetration has always been an issue with me because I don't know how to feel good during it. I'm all about the oral sex. This is an example of how the sex went: Him: Put your legs here like you're sitting Me: Huh? Uhh, *fumbles awkwardly*... I dont know if this is working. Him: Just sit on me like this Me: *tries to do as told and it sort of works* At that point he'd start having sex with me and I'd notice that it kind of hurt. I didn't know how to enjoy it... not only were the positions awkward for me (some of them even made me feel insecure about me body because they caused my stomach to be all crunched up)... but I felt clueless in other ways too. I mean.... I wasn't even sure what to do with my EYES - was I supposed to look at him, close them, what??? Finally he started pounding on me really hard so I knew he was trying to finish... at that point it started to hurt more and I genuinely wanted it to be over. The mood afterward was a bit awkward..... and this whole situation occurred maybe twice more until he finally brought it up last night. Last night he told me that he could feel the awkwardness when we were having sex, and sometimes just in general. He told me that sex is kind of important to him so if that didnt improve along with the general awkward feelings then he couldnt stay. After that I finally blurted out that his breath was bothering me, which was a reason for a lot of awkwardness. He totally laughed about that and said he's fix that no problem. As for the sex, I tried to explain that it was awkward for me because I've pretty much only had sex in the missionary position... and it hurt a bit too. I told him I didn't want to feel judged about sex so early on in this "relationship" or whatever it is that we have. He told me that he's not judging me but it seemed that when we have sex "my body is there but my mind isnt". After that conversation I tried to read up on different sex positions... I tried to be a good sport and I told him I'm looking forward to having him over again on Thursday night. But the next morning (today) I woke up and felt really nervous all of a sudden... I think I'm still bothered by the conversation and I'm wanting him and I to do other things to get to know each other better... So now even after I told him I'm interested in experimenting and trying to make it fun (the sex) I'm wanting to pull back and give it more time. Is that hard to do after sex has already occurred?... Ughhhh, the whole thing is a little weird... Please, any advice you can offer would help for sure. Is that true? When you have sex is your body there, but your mind goes elsewhere? You said penetration is uncomfortable for you. Physically? Emotionally? Both? Have you always had pain during penetration?
New_Life08 Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 I know what you mean. The bottom line is you need a partner you are comfortable with. To be honest, I have never been at ease with anyone until I met my current bf; and I was married for 14 years! I know exactly what you mean about your tummy bunching up when in certain positions..lol. That always made me insecure. But honestly, I think it is our own perception of ourselves that causes the insecurity. If a man really cares about you, I don't think that matters to him as much as we think it does. In my experience with men, if he tells you it needs to change because sex is important to him. It is time to move on. He is probably an arrogant, selfish, a$$. My boyfriend seems to care more about pleasing me, than getting his own satisfaction. it is the same for me. That is about respect and deep caring. I think he is an exception to many men, but it makes me feel sexy, desired, and respected. Just let me say, feeling like that makes me want to please him more. You need to find a man who cares about YOU first, and vice versa. Then the sex will be much more confident. It doesn't seem to me that this guy is looking for an emotional commitment; it seems more like friends with benefits, or maybe he has watched so much porn he thinks reality is just as perfect....whatever...dream on eh? Anyway, I didn't mean to write a book here, but the bottom line is...if a man ever said I had to get past my inhibitions because sex is important to him...I would be goooone!!! Oh, and that was perfect timing to bring up the "breath" thing....lol....rock on sister!! You can do better friend....
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