stace79 Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Hi all -- I'm sure some of you remember me just a few days or maybe weeks ago lamenting my break up with my ex-fiance. Just wanted to pass along a realization I'm having. I don't know how I came to it, or how long it will last, but all I can tell you is that the past days since Thursday, I've been honest-to-God happy. Not thinking of my ex much at all. Going out and having a good time with friends (not just pretending to have a good time). Exercising, eating well -- it's really unbelievable. But the realization I'm having, and that I think we all have to have, is that we are worth something. Maybe not to our exes, but if we aren't worth something to them, then why are we wasting our time being upset over them? We can't force anyone to love us, and even if we could, what kind of half-a$$ed love would that be? I realized I'm a wonderful person, with a lot to give to the world. I'm attractive. I'm fun. I'm friendly and kind. I have goals. I work hard. Some guy will be lucky to have me, and until I find him, I'm going to give myself to my family and friends, people who actually deserve my time. We do have the power to change our circumstances. We have the ability to see the glass half-full. You just have to decide to be happy with your life. And if you're not, then we have to work on things that will make us happy. For me, it's growing my career, buying a home and training for a half marathon. What is it that makes you happy? Volunteering? Making new friends? Getting an education? Just a relaxing afternoon with a good book? Find those things, and DO THEM! I promise, it's really helping me. The only other thing is realizing that you might have setbacks...down days. It's inevitable; we all have them. Just gotta say to yourself that "this too will pass". Just felt like I had to share this with you all, because the difference I feel from prior to Thursday (depressed, hopeless, broken and miserable) to today (happy, excited, enthusiastic and energetic) is so phenomenal. I hope you all can get better and move forward, too.
betrayed2 Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 ditto! glad to hear you are doing well afrer a b/u
Boundary Problem Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Great post. Plus it is something important to teach our children. So we need lots of practise loving ourselves.
Author stace79 Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 Great post. Plus it is something important to teach our children. So we need lots of practise loving ourselves. This is so true... I told my counselor I felt like I was in a teenage girl self-esteem workshop... There should be instructions on how to build self-esteem among your children!
Boundary Problem Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 im trying. faking it till i make it i guess I think you are more than faking it McGrupp. I think you are 1/2 way there. Plus you are a great guy - so loving yourself should come easily with time.
red_cloud Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 My mom always told me that if someone doesn't think I'm good enough, to walk away right then and there, and never think of them again. Easier said than done, but its a good point.
Author stace79 Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 My mom always told me that if someone doesn't think I'm good enough, to walk away right then and there, and never think of them again. Easier said than done, but its a good point. My mom says the same thing. But this time I finally believe it lol. It really is about believing in yourself enough to know you deserve better and that you'll be fine alone for awhile. The more I started thinking about my ex, I was feeling "Hey, if you think you will find somebody better than me, go right ahead." One, I know he won't lol; and two, if he doesn't think I'm so great then why would I waste my time anymore?
Template Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 You've come across a great revelation kiddo. Now the trick is to string enough of those days to together without being set back with the thoughts of the breakup. Not saying it will happen, but we all go through it. I personally find myself, being myself before I met my ex. Maybe a little bit wiser, and a little guarded, but at least I'm my own independent self once again. Keep up the good work, and congrats on you recovery.
LovelyDaze Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Oh stace79! Your post was like a cup of hot cocoa(plus marshmallows!) on a cold Winter's day. Refreshing, warm, beautiful. Yes, we broken hearts will slowly but surely get to our peace. Some days we will feel like hugging every stranger and buying them a caramel apple! Other days we will want to punch those same people in the face...especially our ex! Those bad days will become more far and in between until we reach a new normal. We will never forget our ex but there WILL come a time when we just don't care!
LovelyDaze Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 My mom always told me that if someone doesn't think I'm good enough, to walk away right then and there, and never think of them again. Easier said than done, but its a good point. Red Cloud, thank your mom for me. She is 100% right. If someone pissed on your shoe you wouldn't hug him and a apologize for not wearing flip-flops. We've got to turn a quick heel and leave these terrible exes in the gutter.
Author stace79 Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 Oh stace79! Your post was like a cup of hot cocoa(plus marshmallows!) on a cold Winter's day. Refreshing, warm, beautiful. Yes, we broken hearts will slowly but surely get to our peace. Some days we will feel like hugging every stranger and buying them a caramel apple! Other days we will want to punch those same people in the face...especially our ex! Those bad days will become more far and in between until we reach a new normal. We will never forget our ex but there WILL come a time when we just don't care! That's just it... it's weirding me out a little, but I don't think this is a "phase" or that I'll have another horrible relapse. I realized that I can control my thoughts and my attitude... and I'm taking the approach that that R is over by my choosing. Even if he calls me, I won't respond... There's too many amazing people in my life and too many exciting things to look forward to! Maybe it's because I was thinking a lot of a close friend who died recently.... but you just can't sit around moping over some jerk who broke your heart. I have not felt this "alive" since I was a child, I don't think. I'm trying to be cautious, but I just have this feeling like it's not going away... like this is a permanent change in my persona. I wish I could share it with everybody here who's hurting.
red_cloud Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Red Cloud, thank your mom for me. She is 100% right. If someone pissed on your shoe you wouldn't hug him and a apologize for not wearing flip-flops. We've got to turn a quick heel and leave these terrible exes in the gutter. That's an even better way of putting it!
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