BookerT Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 I didn't feel like he respected the fact that I just needed awhile more to get to know him first before jumping into stuff. I appreciated him telling me he liked me but then when he kept making all of these other comments I got really nervous. And yes, of course my radar is up if he's a weirdo....dated some of those in the past. I know he likes me but his reactions to my honesty made me really aware that something was amiss. What I'm saying is that a woman's natural instinct is very good at spotting neediness, insecurity and desperation. That's what he's done here, shown he likes you way too much, way too soon. It's not a sign he's a player, a jerk, maybe a weirdo. However I've had the same feeling with girls that like me a lot and I don't like them the same level. That's the sad part about relationships, if one person puts out too much too soon it scares the other person. You have to literally go at the same speed for good chemistry. It's not necessarily a red flag though.
BookerT Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 I added it in later in the post. Something that really weirded me out. They were in my dirty clothes pile. Oh......... That's different. He's a weirdo, run, lol.
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 You're right. I don't think he's a jerk or anything, I just think that he was bothered by the fact that I liked him but not as much (yet) as I liked him. I can't lie to someone and I told him as much. It's flattering but at the same time not fair to the person if you don't feel the same. Additionally, he said, "I know you feel the same way," to which I responded, "yes, I like you at some level and feel the attraction/like, but am not ready to go there with it yet," and he got upset about that.
dudet Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 I added it in later in the post. Something that really weirded me out. They were in my dirty clothes pile. no way, he seriously did this? ok, things are more clear now. that's definitely beyond weird. the way he acts, i would almost be scared of his reaction if you break it off with him....i would be careful.
JL911 Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Um...coming from a guy who has been dating since he was 16 years old sexually active since he was 17...I cant even tell you when I EVER sniffed a girls underwear... Run thats just creepy...
dudet Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Just out of curiosity, how did he sniff your freaking underwear? you seriously saw him do this? when did it happen? what was going on? did he randomly do this, did he say anything?
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 yes he did do that, he did it when i was in the bathroom and he was in my room. i broke it off because i sensed a weirdness. i have dated strange dudes before, but not quite like this!! he doesn't have reliable transportation as it is so I'm not terribly worried at the moment.
kimflute26 Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Lol, you shouldve mentioned the part about him sniffing your underwear in your opening post. That was a crucial piece of info! haha Seriously though, the guy sounds WAY creepy, pushy, and just obnoxious. NEXT
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 I concur. I'm nervous. I hope he takes the hint.
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 Thank you everyone for your input!!
dudet Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Thank you everyone for your input!! well whenever he starts stalking you in attempt to sniff more dirty underwear, make sure to let us know ..be safe
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 (edited) Hahaha. Well the good news is he doesn't have reliable transportation. I also sent myself an email at my yaaaa hooooo acct. with his description, location, place of work, and birthday. Excessive, yes, but you never know these days. And something else I must add is the fact that I read up on guys like him and it sounds like he has the potential for being controlling. So I think my instinct was right. Edited December 8, 2009 by Loquacious Miss L.
freestyle Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 What concerns me the most is the fact that he tried to tell you what you are reallly feeling ................................... ..............instead of allowing you to express yourself. That's indicative of a controlling personality.Anytime someone attempts to "define" you, by telling you what you're 'really' thinking, they are negating who you are. They are negating your reality.Please don't get sucked by that from anyone....................
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 Thats what I thought which is why I bounced. It was just weird. I didnt like that. At all.
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 And another thing, I am glad I saw the sings right away and didn't ignore my gut because something felt off to me and it was abundantly obvious throughout the course of the evening.
Angel1111 Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 He sounds like a guy I dated years ago. He told me he loved me on the second date, and was obviously upset when I only thanked him and didn't return the sentiment. He sent me a dozen roses to my office 3 times in a 2-wk period (this was the only thing he did that I liked). By the end of 2 weeks, I ended it. Then another 2 wks of him harassing, threatening, leaving voicemails, sending letters to my family, etc, until I got the police involved, and the company I worked for. I later realized that he enjoyed terroizing women. That was like 10 yrs ago. A few months ago, I googled his name and found a posting on the internet where I could tell he had married and divorced and was fighting with his ex-wife about their kid and some issue with a doctor. It creeps me out just to think of his name. To me, he was such a weird guy I don't know how he conned anyone into marrying him. When that 'weird dude' radar goes up, it's time to bolt - just like you did.
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 Thank you for that story. I am sorry it happened to you but it scared the sh** out of me! I mean, you should have seen the look on his face when I told him that I liked him too but wasn't ready to "go there." I mean, he looked like he'd been beaten. Then after making out a whole bunch he got upset when I told him I was tired and just wanted to lie there with him.
wheream_i Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Good point. Maybe he thought you were rushing things, or wanted things to be rushed, by inviting him over to your house only after one date.
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 It was a comfort thing for me....but I suppose in a mind like his that it was probably an invitation for more. I was excited to be in his company and so I think the thing that probably was wrong on my part was not being just a little more cautious than I was. It would have been all fine and dandy except for his comments and the sniffing of my undies, and the emo moodiness the whole night when I wouldn't do things with him.
wheream_i Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Sorry Loquacious, I posted before I read EVERYTHING. Like everyone else here, I'm glad you broke it off with him! It was a comfort thing for me....but I suppose in a mind like his that it was probably an invitation for more. I was excited to be in his company and so I think the thing that probably was wrong on my part was not being just a little more cautious than I was. It would have been all fine and dandy except for his comments and the sniffing of my undies, and the emo moodiness the whole night when I wouldn't do things with him.
hoping2heal Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 So I was the one that posted the other day about the guy who wants to be a filmmaker. Anyway tonight we hung out again for the second time. He came over for dinner. Let me mention that last night we talked on the phone. I asked him what his future goals were insofar as what he was going to do in the meanwhile until he achieved his dream of becoming a filmmaker. He got instantly defensive and told me that his plans were not my business. We then talked about what he meant by that and he felt his integrity was questioned by me asking him what the deal was. He asked me to think if his lifestyle was for me. So I did this morning. I thought, what harm could it do to be supportive of this and see where it goes....since I basically know nothing about the lifestyle. All was fine and dandy until he came over. I made dinner, we ate, and had a glass of wine. After dinner we made out some. We snuggled on the couch whereupon he confessed to me that he "really likes me a lot" and "would do anything for me." Not to mention I just MET him from first email to the second date 10 days ago! I mean, I was feeling him too...the attraction was insane, the first date awesome, but I told him that I felt that the pressure he was putting on me based on his reactions when I told him I wanted to ease into things was making me scared. Awkward moment was when it was time for him to go home. He had brought over two books for me to read. I by this point was feeling a little weird about everything....like this urge to get the f--k out, and QUICK!! I told him that I wasn't going to have time to read them at the moment. He then inquired why and I said I had a lot going on. Truth be told, I thought there was potential there. But his reactions to me when I told him that I wasn't "there" yet, were weird. Because he also had said, "I'll get you, you'll see," and "I know you feel the same way about me," etc. I felt that he really was being pushy and although he claimed to understand I don't think he heard me. I just felt this instinct. I had to follow it. He made me feel beautiful, appreciated, etc....but I think his neediness or something, made me freak the heck out!! Thoughts? I think the biggest red flag was when he got defensive because you asked what he planned to do in the meantime to support himself, while he is on the way "to being a filmaker" . If the guy peddles crack for now, that's going to be your problem. If he goes to his parents to pay for him to live, that's going to be your problem. Secondly, the fact he believes it isn't your business? That's another red flag- if he believes that his goals and direction he is going in life are the "business" of his relationship partner? Um, YIKES. I think this guy has hot mess written all over him.
calizaggy Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 (edited) Why is an internet guy at your house on the second date? or any guy? I think a woman who invites me into her home almoast immediately is a red flag of sorts. I am sure I am not the first one.. Edited December 9, 2009 by calizaggy
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 I think I should have exercised more caution in general. I had been talking to him for several days and hung out with him so I felt "comfortable" hanging out with him at my home. Maybe I gave him the wrong idea, I could see that. Although we didn't end up doing the do....which is good. We had decided in advance not to. But I see your point.
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 Another thing, it really depends on the persons comfort level....I don't think an invitation to my house means it has to lead to sex, or the sniffing of one's undies, ya know??
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