Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 So I was the one that posted the other day about the guy who wants to be a filmmaker. Anyway tonight we hung out again for the second time. He came over for dinner. Let me mention that last night we talked on the phone. I asked him what his future goals were insofar as what he was going to do in the meanwhile until he achieved his dream of becoming a filmmaker. He got instantly defensive and told me that his plans were not my business. We then talked about what he meant by that and he felt his integrity was questioned by me asking him what the deal was. He asked me to think if his lifestyle was for me. So I did this morning. I thought, what harm could it do to be supportive of this and see where it goes....since I basically know nothing about the lifestyle. All was fine and dandy until he came over. I made dinner, we ate, and had a glass of wine. After dinner we made out some. We snuggled on the couch whereupon he confessed to me that he "really likes me a lot" and "would do anything for me." Not to mention I just MET him from first email to the second date 10 days ago! I mean, I was feeling him too...the attraction was insane, the first date awesome, but I told him that I felt that the pressure he was putting on me based on his reactions when I told him I wanted to ease into things was making me scared. Awkward moment was when it was time for him to go home. He had brought over two books for me to read. I by this point was feeling a little weird about everything....like this urge to get the f--k out, and QUICK!! I told him that I wasn't going to have time to read them at the moment. He then inquired why and I said I had a lot going on. Truth be told, I thought there was potential there. But his reactions to me when I told him that I wasn't "there" yet, were weird. Because he also had said, "I'll get you, you'll see," and "I know you feel the same way about me," etc. I felt that he really was being pushy and although he claimed to understand I don't think he heard me. I just felt this instinct. I had to follow it. He made me feel beautiful, appreciated, etc....but I think his neediness or something, made me freak the heck out!! Thoughts?
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 I would have been most annoyed at him telling me it wasn't my business - his future plans. Gees. It was a simple question. I'm a big question-asker, so when somebody gets all defensive, it's a huge turn-off. But ESPECIALLY when it's something so innocent. But yeah - this was your second date? And he is already saying he'd do anything for you? Wow. That's a bit much.
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 Seemed like a good idea at the time since the first date went so well.
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 It's just that his behavior tonight made me nervous. It made me feel like if I didn't respond in the way he wanted that he would get mad or something. Just a feeling I had you know?? And by inviting him over, I don't think it was rushing things, it was just my comfort level you know? I felt comfortable until he got really moody when he was having ahem, trouble staying aroused when we were making out. I don't fault him for that but he was abnormally moody. I just felt weird because he got all quiet and funky and I was trying to get out of him what he was feeling because it got funky. Additionally, he was very insistent on the fact that he "knew" I felt the same way. But the fact is, I was interested until he started with these comments. I just feel some of his comments could have come later. At one point I said, "Dude, let's just be, you know?" I mean seriously.
JustLooking123 Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Don't ignore that gut feeling! Sounds like there were small but concerning signs, and it's only the second date. Trust your instincts; mine have never steered me wrong.
JL911 Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 So then what would have been a better response apon you saying you werent there yet?
BackUpOrGetStung Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Control freak. May also murder you...cut the cord, while you still can.
O'Malley Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 But his reactions to me when I told him that I wasn't "there" yet, were weird. Because he also had said, "I'll get you, you'll see," and "I know you feel the same way about me," etc. I felt that he really was being pushy and although he claimed to understand I don't think he heard me. Make it a policy not to date anyone who negates or overlooks your feelings. And don't borrow the books.
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 A better response would have been for me to take my time and to respect my wishes. He said he did but then he looked really upset that I said that because all of the sudden the date got really weird. I gave the books back to him because I don't want there to be any residuals at this point. I didn't want to see if there were bigger signs because I didn't want to put myself in a potentially scary situation. The first date was great because he seemed sweet and such. But another add in, and this is too much info, is that I went to the bathroom and when I got back he said that he had sniffed a pair of my undies. . I was really disturbed by that.
Yukikazi Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 But another add in, and this is too much info, is that I went to the bathroom and when I got back he said that he had sniffed a pair of my undies. . I was really disturbed by that. This alone means run lola run
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 I know. I was like, wow. And not in a good way. I woke up a little nervous today because of course as you get to know someone you look for these things. Not the undie thing but the things he said to me. Like I said, I have this feeling of dread.
melodymatters Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Ok, I was like....maybe.....perhaps.....UNTIL the undies thing !!! GROSS ! Even if he did it, don't tell me, please !!!! And I agree with whoever said " FOLLOW YOUR GUT". That is truly the best advice for every life situation ! Better luck on the next go round : people are freaky !!!
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 That's the thing. I didn't really feel like he "understood" the fact he was coming on too strong and that I need time to ease into any kind of relationship. He would get all butthurt about what I was saying and so finally I just felt weird enough and had a strong enough vibe to say, um, yeah, bye.
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 I just don't understand what happened. Went from sweet and great and me liking him to being almost repulsed. He also got upset that I didn't want to make out anymore. Not in a pushy, "Do it now" way, but more like put out and like I was rejecting him.
dudet Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 the guy who wants to be a filmmaker. there was already a red flag in my opinion right up front. most guys who want to be a filmmaker have major issues lol . so yeah that is my thought
melodymatters Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Well, thats why we "date", so we can weed out the weirdo's ! Be glad you only wasted two evenings, and not two years ! You had doubts about him anyway, so this just makes it all easier ! NEXT !
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 how do you figure, lol. I thought it was pretty cool but at the same time a lot of the other things made me pretty skeevy as the night progressed.
BookerT Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Other than him getting defensive about his work I don't see any real red flag behaviors. What you are feeling is not that he's a jerk or has a problem. It's actually the other way around, he truly likes you but by moving a little too fast he's lowered his own value in your eyes. It's a classic case of whoever likes the other person more gets screwed. If you're looking for red flag behaviors like a jerk or a weirdo, that's different.
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 I know, I am glad it was only two evenings. I did have doubts, and in one of our convos he seemed bothered that I had doubts about things at all. I explained, like hey dude I don't know you all that well yet so give me a second to not be all overwhelmed. He said he was but I didn't feel like he was.
Yukikazi Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 If you're looking for red flag behaviors like a jerk or a weirdo, that's different. So what do you consider sniffing her panties (and admitting it) on the second date to be if not a red flag for a weirdo?
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 I didn't feel like he respected the fact that I just needed awhile more to get to know him first before jumping into stuff. I appreciated him telling me he liked me but then when he kept making all of these other comments I got really nervous. And yes, of course my radar is up if he's a weirdo....dated some of those in the past. I know he likes me but his reactions to my honesty made me really aware that something was amiss.
dudet Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 So what do you consider sniffing her panties (and admitting it) on the second date to be if not a red flag for a weirdo? lmfao who did that??? uh that would be both red flag and major weirdo
BookerT Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 So what do you consider sniffing her panties (and admitting it) on the second date to be if not a red flag for a weirdo? When he sniff her panties? Did I miss that in the OP or something you felt like adding in?
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 I added it in later in the post. Something that really weirded me out. They were in my dirty clothes pile.
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