mm's wife posted a picture of them kissing

[oxfordsocks]

My married man's wife posted a picture for her profile on Facebook today.

I know because i check frequently to see if any new pictures have appeared since the one in July that i saw when i sent her a message on Facebook--since that day there has been no other photo posted until today.

married man and I are still very much in contact daily-he is still professing love and making steps towards leaving home although right now his focus is just to get a job.

However that is not the point--the picture if of him and wife slow dancing obviously at a function. He has sent me pictures of him and his kids at one wedding he attended this spring(this is not that function as he has a different shirt on in the new picture)

As well there was another wedding in early August that he attended-never saw pictures of them--its not the most recent christmas party (well not that i know) he stayed home one night to talk to me--which was apparantly her Christmas party that she took a friend too(someone who needed cheering up as mother is very ill) and he says he has been laying low with any kind of gatherings.

It is a very nice picture -them standing there and kissing---yes KISSING i just about fell over.

My husband who knows all about my married man as we are in process of separating said that the picture must be really old as she looks way too young in the picture than the last one. I don't think it looks that old.

What should i do? Do i tell him i saw it?(when you don't delete messages on facebook the profiles change with the messages no matter how long you have the messages) so i could say i was finally deleting some old messages thought it was about time to go way back and saw this new picture

Do i asks him a few more questions like When is the last time you and your wife danced slow?

i thought maybe the christmas party thing might be a lie and he went --but he is clean shaven in it and he has a had a beard for about 3 weeks now.

Why do i care--well if he is out dancing and kissing with his wife than there is tons more that are all lies.

She has not had a profile pictures on there since the day after i contacted her--but now she does and its this one -i have heard she is trying to bring back old memories(my sister said that) . Bye the way she is suppose to be aware of me --thus the contact by message in facebook in July. I feel horrible--#1 for the picture and #2 for seeing that intimate stuff -GIve me a plan???

[White Flower]

How long have you been in an A? And has MM said anything about leaving for you?

 

Because if the A is recent and he hasn't hinted at leaving the M I would suggest you get used to this sort of thing. Or bail.

 

His W ovbiously wants the world to know how much he adores her hence the recent posting of that picture. In her opinion, he isn't going anywhere and keep in mind he may be agreeing with her behind your back and telling you otherwise.

 

Pictures are the worst. They let you see a reality even if he just says, 'You're supposed to smile in pictures.'

[oxfordsocks]

we have been involved for one year .

We have been slowly dissolving marriages seriously since July when my husband found out. We had had a trip(mm and I) in June and after that trip we had been talking about we doing something as we couldn't go on like we were anymore.

then in september he lost his job. wife is in a job where she can fully support family-house needs to be downsized etcc--and we live --me in canada--him in England so its complicated--not like we can just go to next town together -this involves him relocating to Canada away from his older teen children

Do you think the picture is recent?? i just find it odd that anyone who hasn't had a picture for so long would post something from the past.

[White Flower]

we have been involved for one year .

We have been slowly dissolving marriages seriously since July when my husband found out. We had had a trip(mm and I) in June and after that trip we had been talking about we doing something as we couldn't go on like we were anymore.

then in september he lost his job. wife is in a job where she can fully support family-house needs to be downsized etcc--and we live --me in canada--him in England so its complicated--not like we can just go to next town together -this involves him relocating to Canada away from his older teen children

Do you think the picture is recent?? i just find it odd that anyone who hasn't had a picture for so long would post something from the past.

It would be difficult for me to judge how old the picture is without seeing it and comparing current pics.

 

I don't find it odd that she would post an older pic. She may be fairly new to FB and wants to show people in her life a picture they may not have seen before or she may want to focus on happier times or who knows? Maybe the picture was taken 3 weeks ago? I hope it is not the case but we must make ourselves aware of all the possibilities.

 

Are you still in contact with his W? Can you just ask her when the picture was taken?

 

Funny, it was pictures that drove me to the edge. It is a hard reality to face.

[oxfordsocks]

i have only ever saw two pictures oh her--lots of his family.

none bothered me ---just pictures--but dancing and sharing a kiss--i can't remember the last time my husband kissed me like that dancing-maybe two years ago.

\i would not be able to email her again. i want to deal with him--if i ask direct--i could get lie--if i aske indirect questions perhaps nearer the truth and time frame. i so appreciate your response . i am going to be up all night--he is suppose to come on around 4 am -to wake me up to talk....pretty regular nowadays..

[White Flower]

i have only ever saw two pictures oh her--lots of his family.

none bothered me ---just pictures--but dancing and sharing a kiss--i can't remember the last time my husband kissed me like that dancing-maybe two years ago.

\i would not be able to email her again. i want to deal with him--if i ask direct--i could get lie--if i aske indirect questions perhaps nearer the truth and time frame. i so appreciate your response . i am going to be up all night--he is suppose to come on around 4 am -to wake me up to talk....pretty regular nowadays..

 

You are so right, you could get a lie. I remember being at that one year point and feeling like I just didn't know what kind of answer I was going to get, the truth or a lie. And you just can't know someone that well in that short of time.

 

And IMing is difficult because he can't see the look on your face to know how seriously hurt you are by this and you can't read his face for the truth or the lies. I'm sorry, but you have a very difficult road ahead of you with this distance thing.

 

Ha ha, I think the last time my ex kissed me on a dance floor was that of our wedding day! And to think I was stupid enough to hang around for 20 plus years!!!

 

I think I would be direct with your guy. Ask him several times more and compare all the answers. With the short time you've known him and the distance being a hindrance I think this is your only course of action. At the least you'll make your point that this hurts you and at the most you'll get your answer.

[Sparkling]

My married man's wife posted a picture for her profile on Facebook today.

I know because i check frequently to see if any new pictures have appeared since the one in July that i saw when i sent her a message on Facebook--since that day there has been no other photo posted until today.

married man and I are still very much in contact daily-he is still professing love and making steps towards leaving home although right now his focus is just to get a job.

However that is not the point--the picture if of him and wife slow dancing obviously at a function. He has sent me pictures of him and his kids at one wedding he attended this spring(this is not that function as he has a different shirt on in the new picture)

As well there was another wedding in early August that he attended-never saw pictures of them--its not the most recent christmas party (well not that i know) he stayed home one night to talk to me--which was apparantly her Christmas party that she took a friend too(someone who needed cheering up as mother is very ill) and he says he has been laying low with any kind of gatherings.

It is a very nice picture -them standing there and kissing---yes KISSING i just about fell over.

My husband who knows all about my married man as we are in process of separating said that the picture must be really old as she looks way too young in the picture than the last one. I don't think it looks that old.

What should i do? Do i tell him i saw it?(when you don't delete messages on facebook the profiles change with the messages no matter how long you have the messages) so i could say i was finally deleting some old messages thought it was about time to go way back and saw this new picture

Do i asks him a few more questions like When is the last time you and your wife danced slow?

i thought maybe the christmas party thing might be a lie and he went --but he is clean shaven in it and he has a had a beard for about 3 weeks now.

Why do i care--well if he is out dancing and kissing with his wife than there is tons more that are all lies.

She has not had a profile pictures on there since the day after i contacted her--but now she does and its this one -i have heard she is trying to bring back old memories(my sister said that) . Bye the way she is suppose to be aware of me --thus the contact by message in facebook in July. I feel horrible--#1 for the picture and #2 for seeing that intimate stuff -GIve me a plan???

 

You know, the problem with having A's is the lying, sneaking around and hurting people who love and trust you. You did it, he did it, and now you are suspicious of him because you really don't trust him and have doubts about his honesty. It makes everyone insecure because you know they are capable of betrayal and dishonesty. When you watch them lie or help them lie...doesn't it get easier to lie with less guilt over time? Why doesn't he just say I want a divorce IF he really wants one? He is staying with her for some reason and isn't overly eager to leave or he would leave.

 

You can't ask directly because you are afraid he will lie, so you are planning on how to ask so you get an answer closer answer to the truth. I can't help but wonder why you want a man you don't trust and can't expect to get an honest answer to a simple question from without manipulating the question so as to get the one closest to the truth.

 

I would not ask him or give him any information as to how I found out. I would make a statement about wondering why he didn't mention to you that he had been out dancing with his wife and kissing her on the dance floor...and let him squirm.

[LucreziaBorgia]

She knows about you, and likely about all his other Adult Friend Finder 'friends' and apparently knows he isn't really going anywhere despite what he tells his other women. There is no way of knowing exactly why she posted that picture, but I would wager it was to show you and any other women he has out there that he may cheat, but she is the one he will always come home to.

 

He sounds like a typical serial cakeman who is more than happy having sex and falling in love outside the marriage, with no intention of actually leaving it.

 

You can ask him about it, but he is only going to tell you what he thinks he can get away with while keeping you on the hook. In a case like this, the truth would be far to brutal to handle.

 

In your situation, I'd run. Far, far away and as fast as possible. Even if he did end up with you, men like that don't go from serial AFF philanderers to monogamous just by switching women.

[oxfordsocks]

actually this morning i asked a few general questions to him about events and weddings---we ask each other all sorts of things all the time-anways my question about slow dancing he said he coudn't remember the last time--might of been his daughters birthday a year ago but wasn't sure --anyways i sent him the picture he said he didn't know where it was --and he said he never hardly wears white(i have seen a lot of suit pictures with blue shirts) and he looked at picture and he looked on computer and brought up-showed me folder --with pictures from his cousins wedding two years ago . So this picture was from two years ago--i saw other photos of same event--sam clothing same everything.

He wished i would have just asked and said--What the frig is this photo? Instead of beating around the bush.

SOmetimes I feel so uneasy not from him--but from all that i read and see on the tv about cheaters.

I breathed a sigh of relieve that is for sure--thanks for you input. It still hurt like hell to see the picture (one thing to thing them in your head but to actually see them is another)

It has made me feel really bad for her though--as its the same probably 1000 times more for her to think of me. That i do not take great pleasure in. Seeing is harder on the heart than thinking.

[Lizzie60]

Methink she posted this picture just to piss you off.. from your post, she's aware of the A.. so she will do everything in her power to destroy your A... which is normal.. IMO.

 

I would just ignore this.. don't mention anything to him.. just go with the flow.. if he's very much into you and slowly exiting the M.. then nothing will change... he will exit soon.

 

Good luck!

[1Angel]

I feel horrible--#1 for the picture and #2 for seeing that intimate stuff -GIve me a plan???

 

You're hurting. Two suggestions: 1. dump this guy, go NC forever, bye seeya or 2. photoshop her face out and put yours in her place, put on your Facebook; that is if you really want to continue this relationship with him.

[Impudent Oyster]

It is totally normal for a person to have photos of her and her spouse kissing or hugging on Facebook.

 

They're married, it's not a secret.

 

If they were in the process of separating I guarantee not only would she not have a picture of him kissing her on her FB, she wouldn't even post a picture of him PERIOD, there.

 

Don't you remember back in the day when people took scissors and cut out their ex's faces from photos?

[OWoman]

Oxford, does it matter when the pic was taken? He has a history, they have kissed - he's even had sex with her. She's entitled to display as much, or as little, of her history as she pleases - if he had issues with it, he could untag himself, or ask her to take the pic down or change the privacy settings on it.

 

She's clearly trying to send a message with the pic - to you, to her friends, or to the world at large. But it's her message, and her reality. It's not universal reality. You can choose to interpret it as you wish - as will everyone else. Remember, she's dealing with an unemployed, clinically depressed H, who's toying with life-changing decisions (to the extent she knows about those - but chances are, given his depression, that he's withdrawn and moody), she's trying to put a positive face out to the world, to get on with her life and keep things running in the family. She can't afford to sink into his mire of gloom, as she has mouths to feed and bills to pay. It's as much PR to convince HERSELF things are OK so she can keep going, as it is for anyone else. Those memories are hers, she has a right to cling to them when times get tough.

 

If you're insecure about his R with her, ask him. He'll either lie, or tell the truth. You then have the choice whether or not to believe him. If you feel you can't trust him, you need to decide whether that's the kind of R you're prepared to be in. If you do trust him, then stop seeking evidence to undermine that, and accept that you cannot know what's going on between them but you trust that it will all work out. There isn't much other choice - you either let fear, jealousy and insecurity eat you up, or you shut your eyes and ears to whatever might be out there and believe that things will work out. Given all the other circumstances, there are few other available options to you right now.

[Agent_99]

It is totally normal for a person to have photos of her and her spouse kissing or hugging on Facebook.

 

They're married, it's not a secret.

 

If they were in the process of separating I guarantee not only would she not have a picture of him kissing her on her FB, she wouldn't even post a picture of him PERIOD, there.

 

Don't you remember back in the day when people took scissors and cut out their ex's faces from photos?

 

Umm, in the real world, some people manage to maintain friendships when they are divorcing. I have pics of my ex husband on my FB from our marriage. And also of his fiance now. He has pics of me too.

 

So sometimes people don't resort to teenager tactics. . . sometimes they are just human.

 

~Agent

[eeyore1981]

Umm, in the real world, some people manage to maintain friendships when they are divorcing. I have pics of my ex husband on my FB from our marriage. And also of his fiance now. He has pics of me too.

 

So sometimes people don't resort to teenager tactics. . . sometimes they are just human.

 

~Agent

 

Umm, when you post a profile pic, as is clearly stated in the opening thread, it isn't in with a lot of other pics in your photo album. It is the picture by your name that comes up when someone searches you, when you make a post, etc.

 

So I guess the lesson here, married people, is don't put any photos of yourself together with your spouse in any loving moments. Your spouse might be cheating on you and the interloper might get their feelings hurt, and then cause trouble for your spouse. Bad, bad wife, what were you thinking?

[eeyore1981]

Oxford, does it matter when the pic was taken? He has a history, they have kissed - he's even had sex with her. She's entitled to display as much, or as little, of her history as she pleases - if he had issues with it, he could untag himself, or ask her to take the pic down or change the privacy settings on it.

 

She's clearly trying to send a message with the pic - to you, to her friends, or to the world at large. But it's her message, and her reality. It's not universal reality. You can choose to interpret it as you wish - as will everyone else. Remember, she's dealing with an unemployed, clinically depressed H, who's toying with life-changing decisions (to the extent she knows about those - but chances are, given his depression, that he's withdrawn and moody), she's trying to put a positive face out to the world, to get on with her life and keep things running in the family. She can't afford to sink into his mire of gloom, as she has mouths to feed and bills to pay. It's as much PR to convince HERSELF things are OK so she can keep going, as it is for anyone else. Those memories are hers, she has a right to cling to them when times get tough.

 

If you're insecure about his R with her, ask him. He'll either lie, or tell the truth. You then have the choice whether or not to believe him. If you feel you can't trust him, you need to decide whether that's the kind of R you're prepared to be in. If you do trust him, then stop seeking evidence to undermine that, and accept that you cannot know what's going on between them but you trust that it will all work out. There isn't much other choice - you either let fear, jealousy and insecurity eat you up, or you shut your eyes and ears to whatever might be out there and believe that things will work out. Given all the other circumstances, there are few other available options to you right now.

 

BBM

 

And you can't wait to snatch this prize of a man away from her??? Maybe you should contact her and let her know what's going on, she might be willing to dip into her savings or borrow from her friends to buy him a plane ticket straight into your loving arms!!

[bentnotbroken]

Umm, in the real world, some people manage to maintain friendships when they are divorcing. I have pics of my ex husband on my FB from our marriage. And also of his fiance now. He has pics of me too.

 

So sometimes people don't resort to teenager tactics. . . sometimes they are just human.

 

~Agent

 

 

You mean teenage antics like cheating instead of moving on first? I agree with you 100%.

[Agent_99]

You mean teenage antics like cheating instead of moving on first? I agree with you 100%.

 

BnB ~ after rereading my post I realize that it came on a little snarky. What I meant is that people do they best thay can with what they have. Some people DO cut people out of their lives, emotionally, physically, symbolically. Some don't.

 

Some people move on before exciting an R, some people take years between R's. Some people jump right into another R a week after the previous one ended. And some people don't know how to leave an R even when they are involved in a second R. Some people don't want to leave an R even when they have a 2nd R.

 

All people are human.

 

Why be so judgemental, when you could just share your view of being a BS so that the OP can have some understanding and compassion for the BS in their situation?

[bentnotbroken]

BnB ~ after rereading my post I realize that it came on a little snarky. What I meant is that people do they best thay can with what they have. Some people DO cut people out of their lives, emotionally, physically, symbolically. Some don't.

 

Some people move on before exciting an R, some people take years between R's. Some people jump right into another R a week after the previous one ended. And some people don't know how to leave an R even when they are involved in a second R. Some people don't want to leave an R even when they have a 2nd R.

 

All people are human.

 

Why be so judgemental, when you could just share your view of being a BS so that the OP can have some understanding and compassion for the BS in their situation?

 

 

My bible says judgement means that I get to dole out whatever punishment that I see fit to. Since I have no desire, nor do I deserve to( I am human and I would not be fair) I am not judgemental. I will say what I believe and I won't(haven't the whole time I have been on here)change that stance. My views will be stated any way that I chose and it is perfectly fine if no one listens. I am cool with that.

 

Separate the BSs. They aren't me and I am not them. Isn't that the mantra that is repeated over and over again. "The AP(on these boards) isn't the AP in your situations, so please don't put your attitudes on them." Understanding is something that is sought from different sources, choose what best suits you.

[White Flower]

The problem may be that the affair sitch was labeled as teenage behavior which all too often is not the case. It happens at all ages for many different reasons. Some of us thought very long and very carefully before deciding to proceed with an A which is very unteenage-like.

[bentnotbroken]

The problem may be that the affair sitch was labeled as teenage behavior which all too often is not the case. It happens at all ages for many different reasons. Some of us thought very long and very carefully before deciding to proceed with an A which is very unteenage-like.

 

 

You are absolutely right. I did caraterize it that way, to suggest the generality at which some things seem to be always stated. Like the wife putting up a picture or not just moving out of the way for the new person in the WS life. By not remaining "friends" with the person ond divorces shouldn't imply childish behavior. I typically don't have friends who lie to me, steal from me and put my life at risk. So why would I want to be friends with the person who did, just because we once said, "I do"?

[2sure]

There has been a D-Day. Both of your spouses have been made aware of your relationship and plans for divorce. Steps have been taken. You are both dissolving your marriages. These are big things you are deciding together....yet you feel you need to find a way to figure this out? If you are not close enough emotionally to him to just ask him right out....then this is not a solid relationship.

 

You should be able to tell OM how you feel about this as well as ask him openly what is going on with his wife.

[bentnotbroken]

There has been a D-Day. Both of your spouses have been made aware of your relationship and plans for divorce. Steps have been taken. You are both dissolving your marriages. These are big things you are deciding together....yet you feel you need to find a way to figure this out? If you are not close enough emotionally to him to just ask him right out....then this is not a solid relationship.

 

You should be able to tell OM how you feel about this as well as ask him openly what is going on with his wife.

 

 

Seems like character concerns are starting to rear their ugly heads.

[jennie-jennie]

SOmetimes I feel so uneasy not from him--but from all that i read and see on the tv about cheaters.

 

Oxford, stop reading and watching shows which talk about cheaters. It clearly undermines your trust for this man whom you say you love. You have posted other threads where you doubt if he is telling you the truth or not.

 

I have been with my MM for four years. We are also in a LDR. I trust him more than I trust anybody on earth.

 

Follow your gut feeling whether your MM is to be trusted or not. If you are planning to stay with him, I can't see how you can not trust him. And what if it turns out that you were wrong and he was not to be trusted? So what. Better that than to distrust the person you love.

[torranceshipman]

To be fair, it is pretty run of the mill for a W to be posting a photo of her and her H kissing...they're M, that's kinda what M couples generally do!

 

Are you sure she knows about you / that the D is actually happening? Maybe things are good for them right now...