can this mail bring her back? female dumpers

[eternal.denied84]

*******************************************************

dear xxx,

 

i am writing this after 20 days just to let you know that..if you think i have been really a horrible person for all those time you were loving me..i want to say that..i myself dont know why did i react indifferently towards you..may be my trust was broken to a great extent and i was just taking some time and to give back 100%.

 

if this is true that you broke up with me bcoz of all the hurt and pain you suffered coz of my stupid actions..i swear to god..it wont ever happen in future..coz there is nothing to doubt on now..i have utmost faith in you..after knowing everything..

 

also ..many times when i made you feel low..i was lying..i was lying when i said that i have many girls waiting better than you..i was lying when i said..i cud get a better girl than you any time..i said those things..only bacause i felt that would bring you close to me..i know i acted stupid..i am telling you truth so that you can actually realize that statements what made you feel insulted..i never meant them and those statements were never true.

 

if you give me this one chance..i believe you won't regret it later.

 

on the other hand if you have called it off..bcoz your feelings have just wandered away/or you have found someone better/or you got bored of me..i dont want a second chance..thats your decision..and i accept that.

*******************************************************

my story for those who want to know details:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t212099/

Edited December 8, 2009 by eternal.denied84

[kimmi]

LOL send it... But you know I am lying when I say that ... I think that you are desperate to get her attention and in her eyes it's going to look sad. Send it and she will walk away from you. Send it and it will giver her motivation to stay mad at you.

 

GIVE HER SPACE!!

[USMCHokie]

No. Nothing you can do will bring her back...she has to want to come back on her own...

 

 

P.S. I didn't even have to read your letter.

[TheLoneSock]

Yes, this will make her come back... to puke in your face.

[tryagaintoday]

spend your time and energy on someone else who deserves it.

[DustySaltus]

Letting her miss you by doing nothing will say more than a 1000 page letter, especially a letter like this. Give her some space and work on yourself so you can LEARN from your mistakes.

[Lizzie60]

Nope.. I also haven't read your initial post.. but from the title.. NO.. she won't take you back.. she will see you as desperate and will lose any respect for you. not a good idea.. be strong and independant.. that's more attractive..

[Mr-T]

just leave it man, trust me its not worth it. You need to just stop thinking of her and think of your future and look forward to times spent with someone else. Just dont make the same mistakes as you have in the past.

[bluestraps]

I cant even figure if my letter will help me .... I keep rewriting it over and over !

[Ronni_W]

I read the letter you want to send. NO, it will not bring her back because:

1. Her feelings DID "wander away"...because of the crappy, hurtful things you said to her.

2. She KNOWS that you cannot promise "it won't ever happen" again. (Trying to promise "never" or "always" just comes off as fake, insincere, immature.)

3. Your bullcrap excuse that you did it because your "trust was broken" is just a bullcrap excuse. Broken trust is NOT permission/authority to act mean and hurtful.

4. The fact that you stooped to lying, lying, lying to say those things to her just makes it worse. Your BS excuses don't mitigate her pain, and your "confession" that you did it on purpose with intentional lying is just...well, of course her feelings for you would change after you treated her like that!

 

It seems obvious that her feelings for you "wandered away" and that she's ALREADY made her decision. In this letter you say that you would accept that...but you're NOT accepting it, so right there you're lying to her AGAIN.

 

In any case, according to this letter you INTENTIONALLY told her mean, malicious lies; you hurt her ON PURPOSE. What makes you think-feel-believe that you deserve another chance?

[eternal.denied84]

@Ronnie_W

 

I feel i deserve another chance coz its she who broke my trust..i never treated her bad before that incident ..and after my trust was broken i just couldnt be myself..everytime those words use to haunt me behind my back..and hence the result.

 

My promise is sincere coz i know myself and i know this wont happen again..

 

I agree to your point that " Broken trust is NOT permission/authority to act mean and hurtful."

 

i didnt do intentionally..even though it was intentional..it was just happening..on its own..coz when i use to do those hurtful things..I use to regret later..but at that time..that disgusted feeling of being cheated use to overpower..and hence result.

[DenverBachelor]

The very first thing I would do if you were to send her a sincere letter is to actually use proper grammar, spelling and punctuation. This isn't a long text message you are sending to her -- it is from your heart. Presentation is half the battle in life.

[norajane]

You caught her chatting and flirting with another guy. You mentioned something about a hotel room, but it wasn't clear what that's about. In any case, you couldn't handle her flirting with someone else and were upset about it and treated her badly. I guess she did everything she could to rebuild that trust, but it was too late and she started to be less interested in you. Then you started begging for her to be yours and forgive you for treating her badly.

 

Honestly, you can't get her back. It's broken and your letter isn't going to help. Best to move on.

[torranceshipman]

And if you really do have to send it, don't use the word 'lying' in it repeatedly! Doesn't put the right thoughts into her head!!

[NopeNah]

I didn't read the other responses but, don't send it. It'll make you look even worse. Time to take what pride and dignity you have left and get to moving forward with your life. "IF" she ever comes back it won't be because you sent her a begging/pleading letter. It'll be because she wants.

[eternal.denied84]

thanks for all the replies..infact now i feel i am not so much interested in sending any letter..i was not giving enough time to myself..i don't want to work hard for a relationship..if it was mean to be it would not have broken at first place..

 

moreover i feel like i am moving on ..such a big change in one day..i cant believe myself..may be its the support which i am getting here.

 

thanks to everyone.

[eternal.denied84]

I read the letter you want to send. NO, it will not bring her back because:

1. Her feelings DID "wander away"...because of the crappy, hurtful things you said to her.

2. She KNOWS that you cannot promise "it won't ever happen" again. (Trying to promise "never" or "always" just comes off as fake, insincere, immature.)

3. Your bullcrap excuse that you did it because your "trust was broken" is just a bullcrap excuse. Broken trust is NOT permission/authority to act mean and hurtful.

4. The fact that you stooped to lying, lying, lying to say those things to her just makes it worse. Your BS excuses don't mitigate her pain, and your "confession" that you did it on purpose with intentional lying is just...well, of course her feelings for you would change after you treated her like that!

 

It seems obvious that her feelings for you "wandered away" and that she's ALREADY made her decision. In this letter you say that you would accept that...but you're NOT accepting it, so right there you're lying to her AGAIN.

 

In any case, according to this letter you INTENTIONALLY told her mean, malicious lies; you hurt her ON PURPOSE. What makes you think-feel-believe that you deserve another chance?

 

1. Her feelings DID "wander away"...because of the crappy, hurtful things you said to her

 

If she really loved me from her heart..why cant she forgive me if i apologized to her several times sincerely.

 

2. She KNOWS that you cannot promise "it won't ever happen" again..

why cant i promise that?..when i know i love her truly..and me sitting here feeling bad for everything i did is itself a proof for the fact that i would never hurt her.

 

 

when i gave her chance even after she cheated me..why dont i deserve a chance to prove that really love her..

 

it makes me feel pathetic that i am sitting here crying and expressing my feelings for someone who just doesn't care for me anymore.

[deebeechrisyo]

1. Her feelings DID "wander away"...because of the crappy, hurtful things you said to her

 

If she really loved me from her heart..why cant she forgive me if i apologized to her several times sincerely.

 

2. She KNOWS that you cannot promise "it won't ever happen" again..

why cant i promise that?..when i know i love her truly..and me sitting here feeling bad for everything i did is itself a proof for the fact that i would never hurt her.

 

 

when i gave her chance even after she cheated me..why dont i deserve a chance to prove that really love her..

 

it makes me feel pathetic that i am sitting here crying and expressing my feelings for someone who just doesn't care for me anymore.

 

 

Sorry dude, often times we just don't have the opportunity for extra chances, even if you feel you deserve it. Life sucks. The best thing you can do is learn from this relationship, and grow stronger.

 

Apologizing isn't going to help anything at all. Those are just words.

[WiseOne1]

From years of threads on loveshack, and for people that I personally know. It seems that the times that a person HAS really changed, or really means is this time then it's too late.

 

The truth with women is that they know right from wrong, meaning that they know when a guy is sincere or not, they'll continue to take you back and can tell when you don't mean it, but can also see when YOU mean it, and those are the main times they WON'T take you back..

 

It's bassically vica versa, you probably don't know or understand what i'm talking about, but you'll figuire it out soon.

[lynne1973]

well i am in your gf's shoes. i left my bf 3 months ago for the same crap you did to her. was with him for 2 years and i was doing anything and everything possible to show how much i love him. and he too was acting how you did very indifferent towards me and would sometimes even pull cruel mental games on me, not to mention i would always catch him in pics with other women on their pgs and cheating a few times. so i finally said to hell with it all and left him hign and dry. now as for sending the letter, i have to admit, that despite all that the bf has done to me, a part of me would be relieved to see him reach out to me like that only because it would make me feel that all the time and love i gave him wasn't in vain and that he now realizes what he had in me. but would the letter ultimately change my mind and take him back? the answer to that is NO...cuz after dealing with so much crap from a dude, its gonna take way more than a letter to make it all up. you will have to prove yourself by your actions that you are ready to do right by her. and that starts with respecting her wishes which is right now she does not want a relationship w/you and so u have to leave it at that. i know its hard but at this point, that is the only true way you can start showing her that you are thinking bout her feelings and not your own like before. goood luck...

Edited December 19, 2009 by lynne1973

[eternal.denied84]

well i am in your gf's shoes. i left my bf 3 months ago for the same crap you did to her. was with him for 2 years and i was doing anything and everything possible to show how much i love him. and he too was acting how you did very indifferent towards me and would sometimes even pull cruel mental games on me, not to mention i would always catch him in pics with other women on their pgs and cheating a few times. so i finally said to hell with it all and left him hign and dry. now as for sending the letter, i have to admit, that despite all that the bf has done to me, a part of me would be relieved to see him reach out to me like that only because it would make me feel that all the time and love i gave him wasn't in vain and that he now realizes what he had in me. but would the letter ultimately change my mind and take him back? the answer to that is NO...cuz after dealing with so much crap from a dude, its gonna take way more than a letter to make it all up. you will have to prove yourself by your actions that you are ready to do right by her. and that starts with respecting her wishes which is right now she does not want a relationship w/you and so u have to leave it at that. i know its hard but at this point, that is the only true way you can start showing her that you are thinking bout her feelings and not your own like before. goood luck...

 

 

so do you think i should drop her a mail to say that yes she meant a lot to me..and want to respect her feelings now, for which the best way is to leave her alone..as she has asked..

 

but the problem is..in the end..she was really mean to me..she said things like..she never loved me..making love..being in a relationship doesnt mean to her much..i shud become more practical..she even asked me to get a new girl..i was so hurt and shattered as if she didnt have any feelings left for me..nothing at all..

 

i also abused her verbally after listening to all those because i lost my temper.. and then after that i am on NC..close to 1 month now..

 

do you thin i should break NC and be good to her or should i not put myself low in front of her any more..coz everytime i did that she never returned me anything..ofcourse i was expecting her to come back in return..which i know was selfish..

 

 

but then she was also selfish when she asked for breakup..why cudnt she agree to work out when i said sorry atleast more than 20 times..and i really meant that..

 

dont you think there might be a possibility that she lost her attraction(LDR) and she just wanted a excuse to end the relation without creating much scene...if thats the case and if i say her sorry once more..i would never forgive myself for lowering down myself.

[lynne1973]

mine's was a LDR too...so i feel where ur coming from, its a challenge itself. I too said horrible mean things to him at the end like your gf did cuz was sooo hurt and betrayed by the things he did to me. did i really mean them? prob not, but it's what i felt at the time and had to let him know, which i'm sure was the reason why your gf said them to you as well.

 

dude, it's only been 1 month and you haven't given it enough time for this to cool down. before the break up, i'm sure there were alot of emotions flying high back and forth between you two, not so good ones either...lots of bitterness so you have to give it more time for all that to die down before you guys can approach each other w/out all the tension and bitterness. i say a good 3 months tops should do it, if you are looking to get her back, then give it no less than that time ok?

 

trust me i'm sure she is over there thinking of you too because even though I was the dumper, it still didn't hurt any less. after I put so much of myself in a relationship to show him all my love, it hurts like hell when its over even though I'm the one who broke it off. it doesn't make it any easier. so yes i'm sure you are on her mind but now is the time to give her the opportunity to see what it feels like to really miss you and live life without you, and the only way you can do that is by staying away ok!!! good luck...

[meonly]

Eternal !!!! Stay cool a bit !!! Send her a letter that says " i agree with the break up and its probably the best solution for us for the time being" ! Wish her good luck for the future and tell her you will work on yourself to become a better man !

Then go nc and see what happens ! You got nothing to lose anymore,shes rejecting you ! For this relationship to work u will need to work on yourself and the same for her.

Thats a lot !!!! Dont forget,less then 10% of them comes back !!

Dont forget,nc means nc !!! Dont answer her first call,phone or email,msn and all that crap.she will need to crawl back to you !

Answer her first communication and your "" toast"" !!!!!!

The more u will ignore her the more she will chase you (if she still has feelings for you) let her miss you,become a ghost !!!

Thats youre last option far as i know !!! Good luck 2 u !

[eternal.denied84]

mine's was a LDR too...so i feel where ur coming from, its a challenge itself. I too said horrible mean things to him at the end like your gf did cuz was sooo hurt and betrayed by the things he did to me. did i really mean them? prob not, but it's what i felt at the time and had to let him know, which i'm sure was the reason why your gf said them to you as well.

 

dude, it's only been 1 month and you haven't given it enough time for this to cool down. before the break up, i'm sure there were alot of emotions flying high back and forth between you two, not so good ones either...lots of bitterness so you have to give it more time for all that to die down before you guys can approach each other w/out all the tension and bitterness. i say a good 3 months tops should do it, if you are looking to get her back, then give it no less than that time ok?

 

trust me i'm sure she is over there thinking of you too because even though I was the dumper, it still didn't hurt any less. after I put so much of myself in a relationship to show him all my love, it hurts like hell when its over even though I'm the one who broke it off. it doesn't make it any easier. so yes i'm sure you are on her mind but now is the time to give her the opportunity to see what it feels like to really miss you and live life without you, and the only way you can do that is by staying away ok!!! good luck...

 

 

i agree with you..the only way to show her that i respect her feelings is to give her what she want..stay away from her..but shouldnt i show it by ending it on a good note..shudnt i reach out her and tell her that i am doing this for you coz i respect you..i am getting hurt every day..but still i am taking all this pain for your happiness..should i let her know this?

 

we did not have a right closure..so the thing which hurts me is..even though i am taking all this pain for her by not talking to her..she might think that i dont even bother..which is not true..

 

but i really get scared for calling her as well..because everytime i have called her..in past..i had expectations and i end up getting hurt even worse.

[lynne1973]

nope at this point, no need for words, AT ALL. not even to end it on a "good note" if that's even possible. your best bet is to just simply walk away...quietly. more often than not, it's the silence that makes the loudest statement in the world to them, not the other way around. remember that old saying, "silence is golden" so use that to your advantage.

 

and no worries bout her taking it the wrong way or her thinking you don't care. trust me when i say the opposite will happen. its been proven that no contact will actually make the other person start to wander bout you more, why they not hearing from you, and then they get curious to see whats going on with you and before you know it, they calling you up. so just keep on doing your thing and focus on doing you. after enough time has past you will hear from her again and then you will be in a better frame of mind to decide how you want to proceed with her...keep me posted!!!