clundquist Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 First of all give yourself a solid 10 minutes or less to read this. i feel the background story is vital before anybody can give me valid advice. When i was 19 or so i started dating a girl by the name of michelle, we got along great and eventually fell in love. by the time i was 21 and she was 18 she wanted to get married as did I. Marriage has always been an aspiration of mine. I always have wanted to have kids and be married and have a settled happy life. We got married and things were great, she eventually started talking down to me and controlling everything i do and really bringing me down. I tired talking to her baout this on several occasions but she wasn't having it. Eventually i feel like i was resenting her. The sex started to stop because i didn't want to. She started to feel unloved and unnatractive and i couldn't bring myself to be intimate. I tried showing her i loved her in other ways by cooking, cleaning, giving back rubs, spending time with her watching t.v. shows with her that she liked to watch, pretty much revlving myself around her and it wasn't good enough. 6 months go by and she cheats on me with the best man from my wedding, i decide to try and work it out, then the process started back up again, she then cheats on me with another guy who i knew from highschool and he was married too. I decide to try and work it out. well she is pregnant and we have a child, bridget, she is now 18 months old. I think she is mine, a pat test will determine that. a year goes by and nothing is changing with her and i try to have sex more often but it just feels like a choir. well she cheats on me again with a different guy. We then decide mutually to stop being together because things are just not working out, I move into a friends apartment and stay in his living room while getting things ready for the divorce. Just like the 3 times before she would cry and beg for me to take her back but i just didn't love her naymore, i couldn't do it. I actually hated her. Ever since we have been split up she has been constantly trying to get involved in my life and asking me all these questions like where i am or what i'm doing. If i give her lip she threatens to not let me see bridget anymore. After 4-5 months i meet a girl, here name is nicole. We have the same aspirations and the same goals. Well we started dating and have been for 6 months and she is absolutly amazing in every way. Well my ex finds out and she is furious about this, even though since our split up she started dating the first guy she cheated on me with, and she starts getting angry i can't take bridet certain days and starts bringing up nicole as a reason, nicole nicole nicole. that's all that came out of her mouth. Well nicole decides to step in and try to put her in her place, Things escalate even further from there. Now i'm getting mixed feelings about my daughter and because of michelle i don't even want to have joint custody anymore. I'm in this frame of mind where i am just like, take bridget, here is more child support get out of my life and leave me the hell alone. I can't have bridget for 2 days without my ex bugging me and being hostile and i just can't take it. Now my current girlfriend is having a hard time with this, she loves me and wants to be with me but michelle is just to crazy!!! I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't even think i love bridget, i would say my daughter but i don't even know if she is. The guy michelle is dating is a wonderfull guy and is wonderfull with bridget. Is it wrong of me to just let my daughter go to her and cut them out my life completley? I am afraid that michelle will tell bridget that this was all me and nicole and make her resent me. I know she is going to want to meet her real dad someday and i don't want her to bitter towards me. at the same time her being in my life is bringing me so much unhappiness. Please... what do you advise?
Yukikazi Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 1. Find out if its your daughter 2. If its not.. stop paying support and tell your ex to go F herself. 3. Cut off all contact
Author clundquist Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 (edited) 1. Find out if its your daughter 2. If its not.. stop paying support and tell your ex to go F herself. 3. Cut off all contact yah but what if she is, she is litteraly making my life a living hell, she got me kicked out of my apartment, i had to move in with my nana, was stressed so went for a drive, crashed my car, now i ride a bike, forgot about my tickets so got my licenses suspended and ow 2200 dollars in tickets, all the stress forced my g/f to move out of the city and because of my ex constantly texting me while i was at work and getting pissed that i wouldn't reply i got caught texting to much then i got fired. that may sound a bit bizarre and over exhadurated but those are merley the main things that happend, there is more, much more. Edited December 8, 2009 by clundquist
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 First and foremost, before you do ANYTHING else, find out if the kid is yours. That's not something to glaze over with, "but what if she is?" You'll cross that bridge when you get there. I mean, "What if I win a million dollars?" What-if is not going to help the situation. Get the cold, hard facts. Depending on whether or not the kid is yours is when you can start deciding what to do. That's kind of a HUGE "IF!!" But just so you know...even if you find out the kid is NOT yours, you may still end up being liable for child support because your name is on the birth certificate AND you acted as her father (and were married to the mother at time of birth). So if you find out the kid is not yours, I'd be talking to an attorney to find out what your options are as far as getting out of child support. Go do a paternity test. If you find out the kid IS yours, then come back for advice, then. This situation is too uncertain.
GiveAndTake Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 I think it's time to play hardball. Tell your ex that you intend on getting a paternity test. Then tell her, if the child is yours, you intend to get custody of the child due to the fact that the child's mother is crazy and unstable. By doing this, 1 of 2 things will happen. 1. If the child is yours, Michelle will freak out and get scared that you are taking her child and will back off from you and Nicole. OR 2. Michelle will scream at the top of her lungs that this child isn't yours.
New Again Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 yah but what if she is, she is litteraly making my life a living hell, she got me kicked out of my apartment, i had to move in with my nana, was stressed so went for a drive, crashed my car, now i ride a bike, forgot about my tickets so got my licenses suspended and ow 2200 dollars in tickets, all the stress forced my g/f to move out of the city and because of my ex constantly texting me while i was at work and getting pissed that i wouldn't reply i got caught texting to much then i got fired. that may sound a bit bizarre and over exhadurated but those are merley the main things that happend, there is more, much more. Besides what everyone else said, you need to take control of your life. You're responsible for your own actions. What's that saying? We can't control what other people do, all we can control is how we react to them, or something along those lines. Just as an example...you can't control your ex texting you at work, but you can control how you react to her actions. Your options included: shutting your phone off. Changing your number. Putting your phone on silent. Leaving your phone in your car or at home. Or simply ignoring the texts. What do you care if you ex gets mad. Once you start taking responsibility for yourself and your actions things will start to turn around, I guarantee you.
Author clundquist Posted December 12, 2009 Author Posted December 12, 2009 Besides what everyone else said, you need to take control of your life. You're responsible for your own actions. What's that saying? We can't control what other people do, all we can control is how we react to them, or something along those lines. Just as an example...you can't control your ex texting you at work, but you can control how you react to her actions. Your options included: shutting your phone off. Changing your number. Putting your phone on silent. Leaving your phone in your car or at home. Or simply ignoring the texts. What do you care if you ex gets mad. Once you start taking responsibility for yourself and your actions things will start to turn around, I guarantee you. definitly working on getting a pat test, also i changed my number. gave her a land line to contact me. So we will see how that plans out. thank you for the good advice i'll be sure to take it in and use it wisley.
Recommended Posts