xerofate Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 So, for those of you interested, you can find my original post here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t212492/ So today was a rough day. I spoke with her late last night, and again this morning. She vehimently denied being with him. Several times. I made the mistake of calling her father and trying to chew him out. It turned into me pumping him for info, and crying, and him yelling at me about how selfish I was and how I should just be there for Jenn, and how none of it should matter because Jenn and I broke up. She agreed to see me. She is really sick. I'm kinda scared she is gonna die. When I got to the hospital, her phone was right there. It was wrong. It was stupid. But I'm glad I did it. It was something she hated about me, my trust issues. But I'ms till glad I did it. I went through her phone, and I found the "aftermath" discussion between her and Geoff about him telling me off the day before. It was full of "you are my everything" and "I'll never treat you like this." "I'm sick of him hurting you." and "I love you." and stuff like that. Confirmation aquired. So she got back from her test. She laid down, and I showed her all the stuff I brought for her. Then I told her. I went through your phone, and I know about you and Geoff. She blew up at me, which I honestly don't care about. You didn't trust me, so you had to go through my phone!?!? Are you kidding me? You've been lying to me for how long, and you are upset about me finding out from 1) your new boyfriend 2) your father, and 3) your phone? Piss off. Didn't say that. Kept my cool and my calm the entire time. The ENTIRE time. Didn't raise my voice once. When they hooked her up to the moniter, I thought "I will make sure her heart rate does not rise about 130." It got up to 137, but that was when I she was sitting up and getting a drink. Turns out that she didn't plan for this to happen. (oh really? good to know) and that it just happend (relationships don't just happen.) She says she isn't in love with him, but she does have feelings. Which obviously have been going on for a long time. Anyways, that's all that happend. We pretty much just talked about other stupid ****. Made some jokes. I brought up a few things from our past that were funny or good. I said "we weren't always bad." and she agreed. She also said that there was no chance of us getting back together. She wasn't going to say "never" because she doesn't say that (something she picked up from him, and the most idiotic thing I've ever heard. Seriously, never say never? I can say never. It can be used in past tense. If I have not gone water skiing, then I can say "I have never gone water skiing." After I went water skiing, then I can no longer say "I have never gone water skiiing." It's a pet peeve of mine. Never is both a past and present tense.) Anyways, she told me she didn't tell me because she was scared I would flip out. Her exact words "how do you tell someone like you something like that?" I responded "You just do. Over the phone. Face to face. there were plenty of opportunities. You lied to me so much about it. I shouldn't have found out from your dad, or Geoff, or your phone. I should have found out from you." "I was going to tell you...." "But you should have told me as soon as it happend. You lied to me, and caused me a lot of uneccessary pain. If I had known you and Geoff were a couple, I wouldn't have came here yesterday." "I know... I'm so sorry." HA! But here is the thing. This putz she is with has been seperated from his wife of THIRTEEN YEARS for a whopping six months. They are still legally married. Hell, he is still paying her bills! Sounds like he is totally over that relationship. She just got out of a very serious relationship of 3 years, in which a baby was born, a family was made, and a family destroyed. She herself said she is not ready for a relationship, but it just fell into her lap. That she didn't want it to happen. Lastly, this guy reminds me of her father. Exactly like her father. Her father is a manipulative and controlling. My favorite saying of his is something he said to her when she first tried to move out of his house and in with me (notice I said "first" because it took several tries.) He said "I'm not controlling, I just know what's best for you." Anywho. So my goal now is simple. I. WILL. GET. MY. WIFE. BACK. <------ that is a period, if you didn't know. Therapy is going to be started asap. I will be the first to admit that I have some serious issues to deal with. It's why the mother of my first child left me. I yell a lot. I blow money. I get obbsessed over the stupidest things, like video games. I have some serious trust issues, as well as serious self confidence issues. I treated her like ****. Absolute ****. there is no doubt in my mind that I drove her into this guys arms. She might say it isn't my fault, but I know it is. But here is what I got going for me: This is a fresh start. The last two months of our life were good, damn good. To the point where she was procrastinating about moving out, even while still dating him. He doesn't know that, for obvious reasons. My family is the most supportive, loving family you could ever imagine. They will support me, and her, in whatever we do, without question. that has been proven time and again. All my exes love my family. I spoke with my mother about starting NC. It will begin immediatly. This is going to be tough, because we have a child together, and because she is in the hospital. But she needs to miss me. She needs to be seperated from me. She needs time, and space. (and frankly, I need therapy!) I'm resonably financial successful. Not so much as Geoff. But enough to take care of myself and my family, with money for fun and money for her on the side. Won't she be surprised when I live up to my financial responsibilities? I know her better then she thinks I do. For example, she is terrified of being in the hospital. I told Geoff that, so he wouldn't leave her. He did. Dumbass. She still has "what-if's" about the relationship. Why else would she procrastinate about moving out? Why else would she say "we could get back together right now, and try to work things out, but it would probably blow up in our faces... I don't want that. Let's just give it time, take it one day at a time." And lastly, I got no where to go but up. I'm at rock bottom. And I will not stay here. I'm going to kill her with NC. I'm gonna NC out the ass. My mother is already on board. We are talking minimal contact, hopefully none. No face to face, at all. None on the phone. All Text messages. I got some weight to loose, and when I do, I want her to look at me and be shocked. I want to get back into my military shape. I'm going to go to therapy, and kick my issues in the ass. I'm going to show her that I can be the man she wanted me to be. I am going to show her I can be the father she wanted me to be. I am going to show her that no one, and I mean NO ONE can love her, cherish her, or treat her better then I can. And most of all, I know that it probably won't work out. I know that I am deluding myself. Frankly, I have a feeling that Geoff and Jenn will end up getting married. It's difficult to face. I pray it doesn't happen until I am fully over her. I know this is a long shot.... But still, it feels damn good to have a plan.
dashing daisy Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 And most of all, I know that it probably won't work out. I know that I am deluding myself. Well, at least you said what I was thinking the whole time. I know she's the mother of your child, and you were married, but....come on. Those last two months were good? Are you sure you are not idealizing? As far as I could tell, she was having an affair, while keeping you wrapped around her finger. She lied, lied, and then lied some more, then tried to turn it around on you when she finally got caught. There is some crazy manipulation going on here, and I don't like it. You are bending over backwards trying to take care of this woman who left you, and she sends her boyfriend to yell at you. That's...crap. I mean, what is that? Seriously? However, I think bettering yourself, going to therapy, and getting back in shape are all great ideas. NC is a good idea - probably only talking when you need to talk about your child. Maybe getting her out of your head will help you see things more clearly. Maybe her feeling like she lost you will wake her up to what she is doing. You both need space and time. Maybe it's repairable, maybe it's not.
Author xerofate Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 No, they were good. We hung out, talked all the time, spent quality time together as a family. We would get a babysitter so we could go out, for quality time with just her and I. Woke up this morning really, really down. Missing her like no tommorrow. Now I have to go to work. bleh. She will want to talk this morning. about how she is feeling and what not, because she is in the hospital. We are both in the medical field, and I am the only person she has who she can talk to about that stuff, who won't ask "what's that mean? what's that mean?" Not only that, she was kinda convinced I was gonna do something to myself. Like I would let that douche Geoff raise my daughter. God I miss her. God this hurts. God, oh god, this f'ing sucks. -Xero
silic0ntoad Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Dude, I'm sorry all this is going on. It sounds like a total sh*t sandwich. And guess who's the guest? IDK man. IDK if I could stomach all the lies and lines of bullsh*t she was feeding you. Then she sends him out to tell you to go away? He's lucky I wasn't you, or he would have been there beside her, with a breathing tube and a feeding tube. Oh, and the old man. Yeah, idk man. I think this is a ticket to freedom. Take your kid and get the hell out now. She clearly isn't confused. She has chosen Geoff. Over you, and your family. I'd let the breakup be final, file the divorce, and call it quits. Bettering yourself should be about YOU, not her. She has already checked out and broken vows. At least you can walk away knowing you tried to honor them.
Author xerofate Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 It's a funny thing. i texted her this morning, reminding her that the baby ahd to be dropped off before nine or after 10:30. She started talking about how her sister wanted to see the baby. no problem, i'm at work anyways. But now, because I "still have her van" (I'm using it to move stuff) and because it's not fair I'm putting all this wear and tear on it (it's also her stuff), I have to go up and get my daughter from her father. I don't want to deal with him! Not at all! He's the type of douchebag who will try to talk to me, to make me feel better about it. And his method will be to tell me how much better off she will be with him, how happy she makes him. tons of hurtful stuff that he will say, all in the name of trying to make me understand how perfect they are for each other. I've got to stay cool though. Got to stay calm, and collected. and most of all, I've got to keep from blowing my top and loosing it in front of him. Every word i say will be directly transported to her, most likely with a negative spin. Got to remain calm. Funny thing is though, i've been getting out of work at the same time for the past two years. All of a sudden though, she doesn't know what time and has to text me to ask me. Kind of weird that when I pull the rug out from under her, when i don't do exactly what she realizes that I am NOT going to let her walk on me anymore, and I am NOT going to play any more games (besides my own, that is) how quickly she forgets. And just needs to get in one more text, trying to start a conversation or somthing. My reply. "Yep."
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