glamgurl Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 So I thought I was in this nice little relationship. He was different from me and I liked it. I was so impressed how comfortable he made me feel and said the oh so right things (ha!). Some people thought it was a bad combination and I was unsure but…..Recently however a coworker of mine (the guy and I work together, don’t date a coworker there’s too much d-r-a-m-a ) talked to me about his thoughts on me and this guy. He wasn’t rude, pushy, or mean but talked to me like a concerned friend but really we aren’t more than coworkers so it was the most weird, honest conversation, anyways he informed me that this guy is kinda seen as a smooth talking player. He is friendly with a guy at work who is a player/flirt (my thinking is birds of a feather….) so I decided to look on the net for further info in player behavior. So now I would love your take on this subject. I’m pretty sure I’m being played, now I’m pissed and about to cry for being so stuuupid!!!! All thoughts are appreciated.
Woggle Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Players are men who know what makes women tick and use it to their advantage. They are great manipulators.
Yukikazi Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Players.. oh I mean Flayers are women who know how to manipulate men into doing whatever they want.
Yukikazi Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 OMG you people really need to learn WTF a player is.. as I said in the OTHER post today about players.. We are all well aware of the "War between the sexes".. the "Dating Game".. and other names for it. EVERYONE is a player.. If you are trying to find love.. your a player. If you're trying to date someone you are having to play the game.. **** tests.. all the things that people complain about.. its all part of the game that anyone dating or dealing with those we are attracted to are forced to play. How to get the girl... how to get the guy.. its a game whether you want to refer to it or not. We are ALL players. Once you try to start talking to someone the game is on as you are trying to determine if they are right for you and vice versa. When women ask questions or act in ways specifically to trip up guys.. they are playing the game. Why? because they need to weed out the beta males in their search for the alpha they are genetically programed to seek. This whole subforum is basically where we are teaching each other how to adapt and play the game against each other. *Take Lost and confused's thread.. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t209758/ he wouldn't have gotten the girl if we hadn't advised him on how to play the game to successfully get her. He didn't do anything malicious he just got help on how to play.. result being both he and the girl are now together and hopefully they will be happy. Had Lost not learned tips on how to play, the result would have been heartache for both sides.* This is where the confusion lies.. the people you are calling players are the promiscuous people that use and discard ppl for sex only. They are playing the game looking for high scores.. not to find the right person. Sluts and whatever the male equivalent is, would be the correct term for the people you are talking about OP.
InspiredbyYou Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Aww Glamgurl sorry you are so upset. What exactly has he done to make you feel like he might be a player other than what that other guy said. You shouldn't be only going by what another guy said to you, also just because he is friendly with someone else at work that has the reputation of being a player it doesn't necessarily make him one.
BookerT Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Aww Glamgurl sorry you are so upset. What exactly has he done to make you feel like he might be a player other than what that other guy said. You shouldn't be only going by what another guy said to you, also just because he is friendly with someone else at work that has the reputation of being a player it doesn't necessarily make him one. Giving people false hope just to make them feel better is one of the worst things to do. It's much better to have an objective look into the whole thing and see if the guy is in fact a player. Classic signs of a player: 1) Very confident when approaching a girl 2) Very good communicator 3) Pretty touchy from early on 4) Rushes the girl to have sex relatively early. 5) You never get to see his friends 6) Flakey, elusive behavior Each point can be expanded but that would make it a couple of pages long.
Yukikazi Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Giving people false hope just to make them feel better is one of the worst things to do. It's much better to have an objective look into the whole thing and see if the guy is in fact a player. Classic signs of a player: 1) Very confident when approaching a girl 2) Very good communicator 3) Pretty touchy from early on 4) Rushes the girl to have sex relatively early. 5) You never get to see his friends 6) Flakey, elusive behavior Each point can be expanded but that would make it a couple of pages long. Some are correct.. some are dead wrong. Confident guy.. thats what girls want.. not a "sign" Good communicator.. girls want someone that will talk to them.. not a "sign" Touchy from early on.. so what? if she don't like it she can indicate otherwise. Sex.. if they are both into it and up for it w/o 20 minutes.. who are you to tell him he is a player.. she is into it. Friends.. eh i can't say anything about this one.. except you are confusing a player with male slut. Flakey.. that could describe anyone.. even the poor saps that stop responding to emails on dating sites.. they are not male sluts. Stop confusing players with sluts.. male and female. *wanders away grumbling* Stupid dumbass womens mags and media..
InspiredbyYou Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Giving people false hope just to make them feel better is one of the worst things to do. Giving someone false hope? Excuse me but did we even read the same opening post? Give me one point the OP made that would lead us to believe that the guy she is dating has been playing her, other than some guy she works with actually calling him a player. Rather than making up a long list of reasons of what makes a guy a player, why not ask what this guy actually did to make her think this? I agree with Yukikazi players and promiscuous people, two different things. Sure they overlap but you can be promiscuous and still desperately want to be with someone long term and even be loyal.
BookerT Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Some are correct.. some are dead wrong. Confident guy.. thats what girls want.. not a "sign" Good communicator.. girls want someone that will talk to them.. not a "sign" Touchy from early on.. so what? if she don't like it she can indicate otherwise. Sex.. if they are both into it and up for it w/o 20 minutes.. who are you to tell him he is a player.. she is into it. Friends.. eh i can't say anything about this one.. except you are confusing a player with male slut. Flakey.. that could describe anyone.. even the poor saps that stop responding to emails on dating sites.. they are not male sluts. Stop confusing players with sluts.. male and female. *wanders away grumbling* Stupid dumbass womens mags and media.. Confident guy/ that's what girls want. Lol, why you think so many girls fall for jerks? But I am talking about very/ over confident. A normal guy chasing after a girl worries about rejection so doesn't have the I don't care aura. Good communicator. Again that's the main reason why girls fall for jerks. You got to remember that jerks are like recreational drugs. They make a person feel good, with bad after effects. Doesn't mean they don't bring initial pleasure that sucks the other person in. Touchy from early on. Again you're not reading it as a red flag. It's the fact he even wants to get in their so quickly in the first place. Sex. If it's a fling or one night stand who cares? Different if the girl is looking for a relationship. A player is a manwhore. WTF are you going on about?
BookerT Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 (edited) I agree with Yukikazi players and promiscuous people, two different things. Sure they overlap but you can be promiscuous and still desperately want to be with someone long term and even be loyal. What you say can be true in the short term. But promiscuous people are much more likely to eventually cheat compared to someone with a lower sex drive. Just read the cheating section. Some of the people there are totally out of control. Many human beings have very large sex drives, and not only that, they're driven to seek out sexual variety. That's why things get boring with one person after a few years, and why 50% of people cheat. Most people cheat not because they're unhappy, but because human beings are not genetically engineered to be with one partner for life. That's why most people fail in making a lifetime relationship work, even though we seek that ideal. Edited December 8, 2009 by BookerT
Yukikazi Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 But thats where we are having the disconnect. This is the game of love if you will.. we are all players.. some are better at it then others. Some are naturally born with it.. these tend to be the male sluts cause it comes so easy for them, that meeting a girl looses all meaning and it becomes a ranking system for them. This is the "player" you are mis labeling. When 2 people meet its game on.. both sides try to discover the strengths and weaknesses of the other player.. both sides.. consciously and unconsciously test each other to determine worthiness and suitability for mating. Everyone is a player in general.. Sluts are the promiscuous ones that play for ranking rather then love that you are griping about and hate. Players = Everyone.. men and women Sluts = male and female players that understand the rules of the game and abuse them for their own nefarious purposes.
InspiredbyYou Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Aaaaanywaaaaaaaaaaay...not gonna get into definitions of promiscuity vs cheating and why people cheat. WTF!?!? What does any of that have to do with the OP's question? She is worried her guy is a player, can we at least hear legit reasons why she thinks this other than some rumor a coworker expressed? That's usually how I asses situations, not based on hear say. A player reels you in, makes you trust them and deceives you when you least expect it, or two times you when they feel they have your full trust. They don't even have to sleep with you to do that. Is this guy doing anything like this? That's the question.
BookerT Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 But thats where we are having the disconnect. This is the game of love if you will.. we are all players.. some are better at it then others. Some are naturally born with it.. these tend to be the male sluts cause it comes so easy for them, that meeting a girl looses all meaning and it becomes a ranking system for them. This is the "player" you are mis labeling. When 2 people meet its game on.. both sides try to discover the strengths and weaknesses of the other player.. both sides.. consciously and unconsciously test each other to determine worthiness and suitability for mating. Everyone is a player in general.. Sluts are the promiscuous ones that play for ranking rather then love that you are griping about and hate. Players = Everyone.. men and women Sluts = male and female players that understand the rules of the game and abuse them for their own nefarious purposes. When did I say a player is exclusive to a man? I was just giving early signs of a male player to the OP. If she gets played and the later signs show, that's quite obvious. He's treating her like crap and disappearing on her, pretty easy to spot. Women that play men generally do it for other reasons since sex is easy for a woman to get if she wanted it with any male. Women tend to manipulate men for security and money. So of course the red flags are different. As for Bob. I wasn't judging, the OP asked a question, I'm giving her the information.
2sunny Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 are you getting the impression that he's seeing/dating more gals than just you? if he is, has he said so? if he hasn't said so - just ask him. based upon his answer - you can decide to stay or leave. it's always up to you - but you need to ask him what the truth is first.
BookerT Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 are you getting the impression that he's seeing/dating more gals than just you? if he is, has he said so? if he hasn't said so - just ask him. based upon his answer - you can decide to stay or leave. it's always up to you - but you need to ask him what the truth is first. and if he lies?
2sunny Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 and if he lies? watch what his body language and tone of voice tells you when he answers... this could give you more clues than his words - if you're paying attention.
Author glamgurl Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 Thanks for all the input thus far whether or not i agree. Well there is a difference in "playing the game of love" which I agree we all do to a degree by saying the nice things to create a connection and show feelings and thought, but come one there is a difference in being a "playa" i.e. using someone, providing false hope by telling someone something that they want to hear but have NO real intentions of following through, or telling someone how much you care but actions don't follow, trying to get others numbers and see them, and all around sneaky behavior, etc. The concerns that I have are these: I have been told by people that he has tried to get girls numbers, at least one (I know that is here say but why would someone lie to me about that?), he told me a girl was coming into work to see him as a friend (questionable) he wanted to talk about sex from the beginning of when we first started talking, he has a lot of female friends on myspace and who he texts a lot, he is always connected to his phone, he doesn't want me to look at his phone, I haven't meet his friends. I guess I just have this feeling that I'm being played. And people list confidence and a smooth talker as player characteristics and yes they can be but they are just that characteristics so those are not include as my concerns although he does display those characteristics. Thanks for hope that was offered. Hope to get more input.
2sunny Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Thanks for all the input thus far whether or not i agree. Well there is a difference in "playing the game of love" which I agree we all do to a degree by saying the nice things to create a connection and show feelings and thought, but come one there is a difference in being a "playa" i.e. using someone, providing false hope by telling someone something that they want to hear but have NO real intentions of following through, or telling someone how much you care but actions don't follow, trying to get others numbers and see them, and all around sneaky behavior, etc. The concerns that I have are these: I have been told by people that he has tried to get girls numbers, at least one (I know that is here say but why would someone lie to me about that?), he told me a girl was coming into work to see him as a friend (questionable) he wanted to talk about sex from the beginning of when we first started talking, he has a lot of female friends on myspace and who he texts a lot, he is always connected to his phone, he doesn't want me to look at his phone, I haven't meet his friends. I guess I just have this feeling that I'm being played. And people list confidence and a smooth talker as player characteristics and yes they can be but they are just that characteristics so those are not include as my concerns although he does display those characteristics. Thanks for hope that was offered. Hope to get more input. i have no idea what you intended to say. can you please be concise and direct in your delivery? two sentences with specific words that are your concerns and what you intend to do about it.
InspiredbyYou Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Glam that post was fine, I totally got what you said. How long have you been together?
Sam Spade Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 I honestly don't understand the cost-benefit equation of the "players". The definitions so far have been pretty accurate, but going though the motions (easy enough) to get some tail is just not worth it in my book .
InspiredbyYou Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Ok now that you painted a better picture I can comment based on something other than speculation. he is always connected to his phone, he doesn't want me to look at his phone, I haven't meet his friends. I guess I just have this feeling that I'm being played. Hmm the phone thing is a concern, even though there is this certain tendency for people to be tied to their phones these days, it's more of a general malaise than a one case scenario. It's quite the calamity. BUT you also say you haven't met his friends, and most importantly if you have a feeling that things aren't right then something is telling you to open your eyes. All those things combined do make for a negative outlook. And people list confidence and a smooth talker as player characteristics and yes they can be but they are just that characteristics so those are not include as my concerns although he does display those characteristics. I tend to agree, just because you posses those attributes doesn't mean you are a player.
Author glamgurl Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 Thank you InspiredbyYou. I was trying to address Yukikazi's concerns as I do see where he is coming from but still…And I wanted to thank you for some positive feedback. We’ve been together for about a little over a month.
2sunny Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 I honestly don't understand the cost-benefit equation of the "players". The definitions so far have been pretty accurate, but going though the motions (easy enough) to get some tail is just not worth it in my book . this is usually all they are after and are willing to go to great length to get what they want. it's concerning that he guards his phone and hasn't introduced you to friends. how long have you dated him?
Yukikazi Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Out of curiosity.. from one of your previous posts.. why exactly would you have any need to look at his phone? Ladies.. is it standard procedure for you to get your hands on his phone asap?
Recommended Posts