Taucher Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Hear me out here. I am at a point in getting over my ex that I believe ALL dumpees go through at some point. I feel a bit like I am in No Man's Land, a middle, vague point of the healing process if you like. My emotions are conflicted to some extent. 2 months ago, I wanted her back, unconditionally. I hope that in 2 months time, I wont want her back under any circumstances. But right now, I feel caught between the sadness of the breakup and MOURNING the breakup and excitement for the future. And both emotions fight each other and I dont know which one is winning. It changes. Anyone know what I am talking about? T
madrugada Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 I'm getting to the same point, except the excitement for the future. So you're ahead of me there. I'm a lot better off than when my ex left me in late October. Looking back on it, I realize I'm stronger than I ever thought I was just in the fact that I could get through the day at work without completely breaking down. I feel like I'm getting to that No Man's Land, as you aptly describe it. I'm not constantly obsessing over every detail of the relationship, and what's taken over in me is just a cold and empty loneliness. I too look forward to the day when I just won't want her back anymore. Let's hope we both reach that day.
XKatieX Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 I am kinda excited about the future and kinda not, because I know that within the future there will be times I wish I could experience with him, but I know that I won't be able to..and that hurts a lot, especially when you had plans with them.
puppydog Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Yeah I know what you mean. I was at that point a little while ago. It was like my head was so totally ready to move on, but my heart was like "no! you love this guy." ...and feeling guilty for moving on so quickly. After getting the door slammed in my face today figuratively today, I am so totally ready to move on. I just realized at one point, "I deserve someone who will appreciate what I gave to them." I loved my ex then, but one day the switch just flipped off. I know I'll miss him, but I'm tired and done of looking back. Let's look to the future. TRUST that there will be better. Not just better people, but better FOR US. For me, self respect and self-worth were the key to moving on. Why pine over someone who doesn't want you anymore. They can come back and grovel if they change their mind.
DustySaltus Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 T, that's the hardest part....a purgatory of sorts. I used to be terrified of what the future held because I thought my future was set. I thought I was never going to be with another woman again. I never saw myself getting married, but I did to her. Now, I can't see myself getting married in the near future but I can also see why things wouldn't work out with my ex. She had no concept of what marriage was supposed to be about. She quit on us and she hurt me more than anyone ever could. But i'm still here and getting better every day.
D-Lish Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Being torn between two states means you are healing. That's a good thing.
adamt Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 (edited) i feel i am slap bang in the middle. the ex is on my mind but wanting to meet someone else and excited about going on a few dates.(got one this week) Not bothered if i never speak to my ex again. Frustrating that she is on my mind and i want to move on forward and meet someone else. I do have down days when i think about the good times i had with the ex. I need a girl to come into my life and blow me away(no pun intended). I want 2009 to be over and start the new year fresh ready for spring. I am planning to do so much next spring and summer. my summer this year was messed up by the break up. Edited December 8, 2009 by adamt
USMCHokie Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 I'm in this place too...fully accepting that she'll never come back...and not sure if I'd even want back if she came back...yet not completely ready for the future...I'm not really all that excited about the future... It's not really that I'd feel guilty about moving on...but women are crazy and can't be trusted, so that's that.
DenverBachelor Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 2 months ago, I wanted her back, unconditionally. She`ll only come out at night, the lean and hungry type Nothing is new I`ve seen her here before…Watching and waiting Ooh, she`s sitting with you but her eyes are on the door So many have paid to see what you think you`re getting for free The woman is wild, a she-cat tamed by the purr of a jaguar Money`s the matter, if you`re in it for love, you ain`t gonna get too far (Oh oh, here she comes) watch out boy, she`ll chew you up (Oh oh, here she comes) she`s a maneater (Oh oh, here she comes) watch out boy, she`ll chew you up (Oh oh, here she comes) she`s a maneater I wouldn`t if I were you, I know what she can do She`s deadly, man, she could really rip your world apart Mind over matter, ooh, the beauty is there, but a beast is in the heart (Oh oh, here she comes) watch out boy, she`ll chew you up (Oh oh, here she comes) she`s a maneater (Oh oh, here she comes) watch out boy, she`ll chew you up (Oh oh, here she comes) she`s a maneater Ooooooooooh ooh (Oh oh, here she comes) here she comes Watch out boy, she`ll chew you up (Oh oh, here she comes, watch out) she`s a maneater (Oh oh, here she comes, she`s a maneater) Ooh, she`ll chew you up (Oh oh, here she comes) Here she comes, she`s a maneater (Oh oh, here she comes, watch out) She`ll only come out at night, oo (Oh oh, here she comes) Here she comes, she`s a maneater (Oh oh, here she comes, she`s a maneater) the woman is wild (Oh oh, here she comes) here she comes Watch out, boy, watch out, boy (Oh oh, here she comes) Oh watch out, watch out, watch out, watch out (Oh oh, here she comes) Yeah yeah, she`s a maneater (Oh oh, here she comes, she’s a maneater) She’s watching and waiting (Oh oh, here she comes) Oh, she’s a maneater
trueblue72ny Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 (edited) i think i know what you are talking about. for the longest time i wanted to get back with my ex. that lasted for almost a year. then for the longest time i was in the middle, that relationship limbo zone where i could go either way. that lasted for quite awhile. limbo was dreadful, but still a better place to be than that 1st stage of heartbreak. now i think i have reached that third stage where i am able to see my ex at work and i dont react other than returning a wave or a hey. now its the ex who initiates contact or there is no commuication. it still pulls at my heart strings a little. sometimes i say to myself why did you do this!!!! but at the same time i feel numb towards it. now i do not want to know what the ex is doing any more. and i am glad. maybe i will feel different down the road, but for now that is how i feel. Edited December 8, 2009 by trueblue72ny
DustySaltus Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 She`ll only come out at night, the lean and hungry type Nothing is new I`ve seen her here before…Watching and waiting Ooh, she`s sitting with you but her eyes are on the door So many have paid to see what you think you`re getting for free The woman is wild, a she-cat tamed by the purr of a jaguar Money`s the matter, if you`re in it for love, you ain`t gonna get too far (Oh oh, here she comes) watch out boy, she`ll chew you up (Oh oh, here she comes) she`s a maneater (Oh oh, here she comes) watch out boy, she`ll chew you up (Oh oh, here she comes) she`s a maneater I wouldn`t if I were you, I know what she can do She`s deadly, man, she could really rip your world apart Mind over matter, ooh, the beauty is there, but a beast is in the heart (Oh oh, here she comes) watch out boy, she`ll chew you up (Oh oh, here she comes) she`s a maneater (Oh oh, here she comes) watch out boy, she`ll chew you up (Oh oh, here she comes) she`s a maneater Ooooooooooh ooh (Oh oh, here she comes) here she comes Watch out boy, she`ll chew you up (Oh oh, here she comes, watch out) she`s a maneater (Oh oh, here she comes, she`s a maneater) Ooh, she`ll chew you up (Oh oh, here she comes) Here she comes, she`s a maneater (Oh oh, here she comes, watch out) She`ll only come out at night, oo (Oh oh, here she comes) Here she comes, she`s a maneater (Oh oh, here she comes, she`s a maneater) the woman is wild (Oh oh, here she comes) here she comes Watch out, boy, watch out, boy (Oh oh, here she comes) Oh watch out, watch out, watch out, watch out (Oh oh, here she comes) Yeah yeah, she`s a maneater (Oh oh, here she comes, she’s a maneater) She’s watching and waiting (Oh oh, here she comes) Oh, she’s a maneater LOL
puppydog Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 It's not really that I'd feel guilty about moving on...but women are crazy and can't be trusted, so that's that. Oh c'mon USMCHokie, that's not the way to go. Even though you should guard your heart in the beginning, you need to allow each person who comes into your life the chance for new beginnings and possibilities. You don't want to be the bitter person in the corner who doesn't trust. Even though I've been burned (we're talking lava scorched) by my ex in the past, I refuse to let that affect my future relationships because that means that I've in a sense let them change me from the person that I am. Every person deserves at the very least a clean slate and as little baggage as possible. Me? I've got my issues as everyone does here, but we're all imperfect people trying our best.
USMCHokie Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Oh c'mon USMCHokie, that's not the way to go. Even though you should guard your heart in the beginning, you need to allow each person who comes into your life the chance for new beginnings and possibilities. You don't want to be the bitter person in the corner who doesn't trust. Even though I've been burned (we're talking lava scorched) by my ex in the past, I refuse to let that affect my future relationships because that means that I've in a sense let them change me from the person that I am. Every person deserves at the very least a clean slate and as little baggage as possible. Me? I've got my issues as everyone does here, but we're all imperfect people trying our best. I know what you're saying...but if the one person you thought was genuine and sincere can turn out to be full of crap in the end, what hope do you have for the rest of the population...? I've only had one person feel that way about me in my lifetime...and I'm not even sure she really did feel that way about me...it just seems like it'll be another 26 years before I find someone who actually cares about me...
ItsAllGoodAgain Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 I'm in this place too...fully accepting that she'll never come back...and not sure if I'd even want back if she came back...yet not completely ready for the future...I'm not really all that excited about the future... It's not really that I'd feel guilty about moving on...but women are crazy and can't be trusted, so that's that. I too have fully accepted that she will not be back and that I don't want her back. Maybe not completely but it would take an act of god in order for me to consider taking her back. I just started seeing other women as themselves and not comparing them to my ex. This has been a large step in moving on. Most women are crazy, and some can't be trusted. Not all.
silic0ntoad Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 I went through that phase. It was around the 4 month mark. I couldn't see the future, but wanted it. At the same time, I yearned to be back in my comfort zone. Then one day I woke up, realised, hey, if I just shake these wings a lil, the rust'll fall off and I can fly. It's not that you lost the ability to be "alone" it's that you forgot how to fly solo. All shall pass, in time. I am nearing the 7 month mark. It's been a hard, hard 7 months, but it's also been an enlightening 7 months. I am 30 pounds lighter. I look better than I have for years. I feel better. I've had old friends tell me I am like a new person. Friends who only knew me WITH T now know me WITHOUT T and can define me for who I am. It's a big step. One thing, though, I do miss, is a good nights sleep. I've had a few, when other people were with me. But I do miss rolling over to a feminine body next to mine in the dark reaches of the night.
mickleb Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 This is very significant! I'm very, very happy to hear you're playing footie with the Germans on Christmas Day. I have been locked in this friendly for just over a month, now. I'm looking forward to Boxing Day, both figuratively and literally, when I think I'll be more in the mood to get on with winning this war. If we're lucky, we'll be wearing our hats high and singing along with E17 on NYE! x
ItsAllGoodAgain Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Just to add. Another point in my moving on just happened recently. The ex has been using my text books for school this last semester. I told her when book buyback arrived I would contact her to get them back. Well, that time has arrived and I've basically said f$ck the books. 2 months ago I marked this time as being one that I could reconect and have a decent conversation with her. Now I don't care. I don't need the books. Why risk sturing up any emotions or old feelings just for a couple text books. Its not worth it to me. Plus, I'm sure she knows the time is here and probably expecting me to contact her. I'm not going to. Maybe this will be the time she realizes that I am truly gone. She may feel relief or she may feel a little pain. Regardless, I'm moving forward.
silic0ntoad Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Just to add. Another point in my moving on just happened recently. The ex has been using my text books for school this last semester. I told her when book buyback arrived I would contact her to get them back. Well, that time has arrived and I've basically said f$ck the books. 2 months ago I marked this time as being one that I could reconect and have a decent conversation with her. Now I don't care. I don't need the books. Why risk sturing up any emotions or old feelings just for a couple text books. Its not worth it to me. Plus, I'm sure she knows the time is here and probably expecting me to contact her. I'm not going to. Maybe this will be the time she realizes that I am truly gone. She may feel relief or she may feel a little pain. Regardless, I'm moving forward. Good for you, bro. Let her keep them, and the unease of not knowing why you aren't calling her.
LovelyDaze Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 I KNOW!! Do you catch yourself surprised that you had a nice hearty laugh with friends? Or a really good movie was coming on that you enjoyed immensely? Or even looking forward to just relaxing and enjoying a favorite hobby( reading, gaming, painting, etc.)? I have. All of the above. Even though I am not quite at the point where I don't forget my ex and the situation completely, it is as if I was an empty glass when he dumped me and someone keeps adding just a bit of water occasionally over time. Someday, I will be a full glass. We all will. Our ex will be a footnote and a lesson of what NOT to have in a relationship. I need to remember that I have been in love and broken hearted before. I got over those guys...of course I will get over this one! Good luck to you and ALL LS members!
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